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My Daughter and Her Cocaine Addiction ... She's Using Again, What Do I Do?

by Zoe
(Vancouver, Canada)

My daughter was using cocaine. She went to a rehab two years ago, however she is still using occasionally. Three months ago her boyfriend left to go to study. They are in touch with each other but she started drinking again and I found cocaine in her pockets recently.

She is also simulating using cocaine with another white powder when she is drunk. She was going to counselling and she is telling me that she is still going to counselling and she is taking me the money for it - but I doubt that she really does go.

Her counsellor doesn't tell me if she has attended the session or not. That is hard for me because she may use the money for drugs. Keeping confidentiality as the counsellor pretends, is here far from responsible!

I don't know what to do. How much she lies! How do I convince her that she has got problems again?


Hi Zoe

The reality is unfortunately that you can't 'convince' your daughter she has a problem, until she is ready and wants to see it for herself.

She's been to drug rehab and so has been equipped with all the tools she needs to turn her life around. But it's up to her ultimately what she does with those tools.

That's the thing with an addiction or substance abuse problem, you can have all the knowledge in the world about how to stay clean and build a new life, but until you're ready to make the changes and apply that, nothing will change.

So you need to then establish some boundaries with your daughter as to what you deem acceptable behaviour in your house. And one of those things may be that if you're going to give her money for counselling, she needs to be able to bring a receipt.

But there is only so much you can do, your daughter now has to find her own way in life and learn to be responsible for the choices she makes - so be careful not to enable your daughter by simply giving her money and not allowing her to experience the consequences of her continued drug use.

Then you also need to ensure you don't get dragged down by your daughter's behaviour and put your own peace of mind and well-being at risk. This involves learning how to let go and accepting you can't control another person's choices, even if she is your daughter.

You may want to get help with that, whether through your own counselling or through others who know what you're going through in groups like Naranon and Al-Anon. It's not easy, but it's crucial you learn how to do that, for your own sake.

All the Best and Take Care

Comments for My Daughter and Her Cocaine Addiction ... She's Using Again, What Do I Do?

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May 05, 2010
My Daughters Addiction
by: Mother of Addict

In August 2009 my beloved 32-year old daughter overdosed and died. She was a hard-core addict who used Heroin for 15 years. The struggle was endless. I have written a memoir, "My Daughter's Addiction-A Thief in the Family" (up on Amazon)...
Some of my viewpoints may be very unpopular, but personally, I believe addiction is a disease. I believe that the Addict does NOT have a choice about their disease. I believe it is not a willful, lack of moral character issue. I believe that Addiction is a medical problem, not a law enforcement problem. I believe that addiction is treatable with a proper course of medication and therapy, and that addiction could be solved if enough money were put into medical research. Lastly, I believe that in the end, love was not enough... there was no love, discipline, or punishment that could have solved my daughters addiction. Only medical treatment. My heart does go out to anyone who struggles with the addiction of a loved one.

Apr 01, 2010
Using Again
by: Anonymous

Hi Zoe,
I know exactly how you feel. My husband went to rehab came out and swore that he would not let anything ruin his sobrity. Well after 5 months he was feeling stronger due to the fact that he was eating right and not drinking. Well right after the hoildays he began rationalizing that he could control his drinking because of the education he received in rehab all I can say is that he is only fooling himself. Rehab educates and helps the addict get healthy once they are feeling better that is when we can see if they are truly ready to give up their addiction. Obiviously your daughter, my husband and many others are not ready to give up their poison. You did not cause it you cannot control her and you cannot cure her. As far as giving her money for counseling ask the counslor to send you the bill. If you are paying for her sessions then the therapist will understand why you want to pay the bill direct. It is apparent that she is not going for counseling. Call her Bluff don't give her any more money. You need to detach I know it is easier said than done but you also need to take care of yourself. Addicts are very smart cunning and controlling people. They can rationalize why it is safe for them to use and they are good liars. Try to stay strong go to meetings for support and keep talking on line. God bless you.

Mar 30, 2010
by: Anonymous

I had something similar with my daughter. She just wouldn't listen and didn't want to change. Went through rehab multiple times, so eventually we had to put our foot down and let her go and find her own way. All we can do is hope that she eventually realises for herself how she's destroying her life and is ready to accept he addiction and take responsibility for changing it. It's not easy, but there really is no other way. Our children are responsible for the path they choose. God Bless you

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