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My Dad's Alcoholism Has Ruined Our Family

by K
(Utah, )

Where do I start. My name is K, I am 15 years old. I'm a sophomore in high school. My dad is an alcoholic. It started when I was ending 1st grade and going into 2nd. My dad had been into drinking before I was born, my mom had 3 boys, she took them to a home to get away from his abuse.

Well, she forgave him and went back. Then one of my brothers died. He was 3 years old. He died in my parent's arms. My dad stopped after that. About 10 years later, they decided to have more children. My parents had both been married before, my mom had one child and my dad had three. Together they had five. Nine kids all together well, eight since my brother is now deceased.

They had two more kids, both girls. My sister is now 18. He stayed sober until I was in 2nd grade, like I said before. I was always daddy's little girl. I went everywhere with my father, he was my best friend. At first, it was just my two brothers, my sister, and I who lived at home. He would only get drunk a few times a month then. My mother would just leave us home, and get out of there, because my father would never do anything to us. That lasted about a year and a half.

Then, he started abusing my brothers. I was the only one who could stop him. I had some sort of hold against him. I loved him so much. When he started abusing my sister, she told me one night that she hated him. I couldn't grasp what she was talking about and I told myself that I love him. And I always will love him.

By the time I was ten, he started abusing me, I had watched my family go through this, but it was so much different when it was happening to me. I cried myself to sleep every single night. Wishing he would get better. Things got worse and worse, now, he is drunk 24/7. I told myself that I wouldn't ever stop loving him. And deep down inside, I know that's true. He's still my father, and I still love him. But he's not the same person. I have no idea who he is.

Last May, I was diagnosed with depression. It was really hard for me. My mom was so worried about me. I didn't eat, go to school, or talk to anybody. I slept all day long. My dad is ... Sick. I know he is, but I still cry myself to sleep every single night. It's killing my mom because I can't get out of my depression no matter how hard I try.

I'm not as bad now, but I'm not good either. I don't know what to do about me, or my father. I seem to have hit a brick wall. My sister and I are the only ones who live at home, and just when I think things can't get any worse, they do.

Does anybody have any advice at all for me?

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Thank you
by: Anonymous

First of all I just want to say my heart goes out to you and the other indiviuals who left comments. The reason I say thank you is because I am a 34yr old alchoholic and i have two daughters ages 14 and 12. Ive never physically abused my daughters but due to my many years of drinking ive hurt them in other ways mentally and what i mean by that is they have seen me fall down drunk argue with there mother etc.. I have been sober for 6 months now and have done inpatient treatment and many meetings i was telling myself that i was going to punish my self for a year and then i would be able to control my drinking but after reading your story I plan and hope on never drinking again cause as I read your story its as if my daughters were saying theres. You seem like a very smart and strong girl with a good heart its just very sad what your going through and take from an alchoholic nobody can help your dad but himself he has to take the first step on his own i dont mean to sound discouraging but i tell you this so you can try to move on enjoy life take care of your siblings and help your mom. And yes go to alateen and find someone to talk to it helps once again thank you.

I understand.
by: Anonymous

I understand what you mean. My dad is the same way, but he never abused anyone, he just would have anger problems, but his drinking tore our family apart, it's been almost a year since my parents separated, and mom thought that would make him change and it didn't, I wish everything could be so much different, I miss my parents being together and miss seeing my dad everyday, cause ima total daddy's girl, but I cry everytime I think about it, cause it didn't have to happen.

by: Anonymous


My father is doing all those things and i can't stand anymore.. Im calm and alone all the time..I can't sleep because of him.

He is very,very good men but when he is drunk he is totaly diferent.. He acts like an animal.. I don't remember him normal anymore.. because he is drunk 24/7..

My mom cries all the time.. Don' know what to do.. I wish i wasn't born in this family..

I can't even think like a normal kid.. I think about problems not girls..We don't have very much money because he spend all the money on alchohol..

hope things will change.. all i can do is get away from home and come back for sleeping.. But that isn't the soulution..

I kinda understand what you are going through
by: Anonymous

My dad is an alcoholic too! I am 15 and a sophomore at high school.
I only have one brother and sister, and my parents are getting divorced right now because of the alcohol, he chose it over my family. I have a hard time trying not to get depressed.
I honestly don't know what to say, but hang in there!
That's what I have been doing for my whole life. Just hoping and praying. I don't know if your religious or not but I am. I have been talking to people at my church, and it totally helps me out. You need to talk someone and make sure you get all your anger out or you are just going to keep it in! It's hard not having anyone to talk to my age going through the same thing. I also think of the positive things and write in a journal. We should totally talk, I know I am a stranger but it might help!
If you wanna email me, i understand if you don't!
I havn't been through physical abuse, I think that is awful! I could never think of my Dad physically abuse me. Just remember to be strong!

by: Anonymous

You should check out Alateen. There are groups in every city in the country. It is like Alanon, but focused on teenagers. It is a great 12 step program that will help you deal with what is out of your control.

Speak Out
by: Anonymous

Everything the previous poster said is true. You need to find someone you can speak to about what is going on. The worst thing to do is keep everything inside. You're right, your dad is sick, but that doesn't excuse his actions. So you need to tell someone about what is going on because your dad can't be allowed to get away with what he's doing - all it does is keep him sick longer rather than force him to get help. You don't deserve what is happening to you, but as hard as it is, resolve to no let this get the better of you. Find someone to confide in and try go for some counseling. The depression you're feeling is understandable, but given time and the proper help you can overcome it. Right now though understand that your dad is very ill so you need to speak about what is happening so what your dad is doing can stop and he can get the help he needs. Hang in there, you can get through this.

scarred teen, it's not your fault
by: Anonymous

hey there k, you have seen way too much for a young woman of your age. you need to start taking care of yourself and your siblings, not your father. you can not cure him, only help yourself. if you are not in counseling, you need to get yourself there ASAP. alcoholics do not realize the awful things they do to their spouses and children and always seem to put blame on others for their behaviors. you sound like a great kid who has too much responsibility and worry for her family. your mom and siblings also need to get into counseling right away, to come to terms that they can not fix or change your father. it is okay to feel anger and disgust for your father, he has earned this. my kids also are growing up with an alcoholic father who has done awful things that kids should never see or hear. as their mother, i have stopped giving in to my husband's abuse/control and have detached from him emotionally. once in a while, he admits his bad behaviors but still continues to say and do awful things.

so, kiddo, detach yourself and get all the psychological help you can get. try to better your life by not letting him control it. go to school, go on to college, study something that interests you, do things that make you feel better. take care of you.

it breaks my heart to know there are so many children out there that are in the same situation you are. empower yourself to be better.

hang in there strong and brave one.

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