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My Boyfriend who is in Recovery from Drug and Alcohol Addiction Left me Because He still Misses His Ex-Wife

I met a wonderful man. He is kind and loving. He told me after a few dates that he was indeed in recovery from alcohol and drugs and has been clean 3 years.

His wife divorced him because he hid it from her the whole time they were together. They have a small child. Things in our relationship were going well. He suddenly broke it off because he said that he still missed his wife, and had tremendous guilt over his child and because he broke up the family. They have been separated for 4 years.

I love this man, I want to be with him. He has told me to please stop contacting him because he wants to work things out with her. What can I do to support him? After all this time will she take him back or is she simply unhappy that after 4 years he has finally tried to move on with me?

I don't know what to do. I am afraid that she wants him back for the wrong reasons and that another rejection will jeopardize his sobriety. I so want him to move on, and do so with me. I believe in him and do not hold his past against him. What do I do? Will he come back to me?


If we really love someone, we have to be prepared to let them go and respect the choices and decisions they make, no matter how hard it is for us.

I can understand your hurt and concern, but if he feels he wants to try and repair his marriage, considering he has a young child as well, let him go in order to do that. His sobriety is something no one anyone has any control over anyway, so it's impossible to say if it will be jeopardized should things not work out between them.

Trust that if your relationship with him is meant to be, it will work out between you somehow, but don't put your life on hold waiting for something that maybe isn't meant to be. We have no control over the choices and decisions others make, so a relationship can only work when two people decide to make a commitment to each other.

Right now, he has chosen to be with someone else, so don't make it harder for yourself by holding on and not letting go. It is painful, but that passes with time. You deserve someone who will be totally committed to you so focus on getting your life back on track and trust that everything will work out as it's meant to be. It always does.

Take Care and God Bless

Comments for My Boyfriend who is in Recovery from Drug and Alcohol Addiction Left me Because He still Misses His Ex-Wife

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Oct 21, 2010
by: Anonymous

Just to say I am an 'ex wife' on the other side of this type of situation. In my case it would be very likely that you would not have been told the truth by my exhubby. Especially regarding genuine sobriety and length of it, reasons for the marriage split, and when we broke-up (quite recent) - my ex would massively change these details to make it easier for him.
I know this as I have found him on dating sites making up stories - he too can be a wonderful man.
I only write this in the hope that it may release you not to hurt you.

Apr 18, 2010
Ex wife
by: Anonymous

Yes it is hard to let go of someone we love but you cannot make decisions for him. Will he start drinking again no one can answer that but if he wants to go back to his ex wife and child you need to let him go.Chances are she is not doing this because she is unhappy. As a wife of an alcoholic I almost divorced my husband. They had a young child at the time he probably did not want to get help and stop drinking so she had to make a difficult decision and divorce him. The divorce was probably his rock bottom and what made him decide to get help.She probably still loves him and will stay with him as long as he keeps on track.

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