My Boyfriend of 8 Years Is Addicted to Cocaine
My boyfriend of 8 years has always been addicted to cocaine mostly, but dabbles with everything. We have been through so much and lately its gotten so much worse.
Before I could ignore it and get passed it - but now its turned me very angry. I am usually kicking him while he's down lately, so making it all worse, I've left for a couple weeks and we decided to try again then after another night of him not coming home I snapped said and did awful things.
Now a couple days later he doesn't want me around and says he's not in love with me anymore. That I am the cause of his drug use. I'm crushed, after all we've been through he decides this now. I'm so lost and hurt. I've put up with so much I can't help but want to fight for him back even with his addiction.
It's amazing how you see yourself as the 'bad' person in all of this. You rightfully get angry about your boyfriend's continued drug habit ... yet you come out as the bad one.
That's what drug addicts have a great ability at doing - manipulating the situation to make it seem like it's your fault. And the benefit to them for doing that is that they never have to take any responsibility - which provides them with a reason to keep using.
So you need to see through that. This has nothing to do with you. It's simply part of the insanity of that comes with being involved with an addict. Stop blaming yourself. In fact your boyfriend leaving you is a blessing because it forces you to move on and give your life a new start.
Having a successful, healthy relationship with a habitual drug user is impossible. Because when it comes down to it - you will always be 2nd choice to the drugs. So the fact that you've stayed with him as long as you have says a lot.
There might be an element of codependency
involved and so you may need help to deal with that with groups like CoDA (coda.org) where you'll learn how to develop healthy relationships again.
So yes you're hurt and upset. But given time things will get easier and you'll realise that his has been a blessing. No one can help your boyfriend until he's ready to help himself, and you can't put your life on hold waiting for that to happen. Take Care
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