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My Boyfriend Is a Recovering Heroin Addict and Now Its Time to Start New. How to Cope?

by alyssa m.
(philadelphia, pa )

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship except that he was a functioning heroin addict. I along with his family have motivated him to go to rehab, which he completed, and he's really taking everything very seriously this time.

He's listening to all the advice from his counselors from the rehab - and he is now living in a recovery home in Florida (I'm in Pennsylvania). I couldn't be any happier for him. He's really trying to stay true to his goals and start a new sober life. I know that this whole situation won't break us up but it has some how made us stronger together.

I don't do any drugs, I don't even take anything for my anxiety and mild depression. I have been a true rock for him and have always been there for him - never enabled him in any situations as a kind of co-dependent person. I know and I'm fully aware that this is his time to focus on himself in every aspect, but I just feel lonely, not hearing from him everyday like I used to.

I'm just having trouble seeing myself as being selfish but it just sucks because I've been through this all sober, and I just really want the best for him. He told me that he'll be thinking about me while he's in Florida for yet another month. Answer

Hi Alyssa

You have to be patient. Your boyfriend's recovery and maintaining his sobriety has to be his priority. So the fact that he's living far away and is concentrating on his recovery, means it's normal to feel slightly neglected and lonely.

It won't be forever. So use this time wisely and concentrate on yourself and your needs for a while. One tends to lose oneself when in a relationship with an addict, and even though you say you weren't co-dependent in any way, it's very difficult not to be. So now is an opportunity for you develop the most important relationship you'll ever have with anyone - i.e. with yourself.

That's why if you both use this time to really focus on yourselves, you give yourselves the best opportunity for your relationship to be stronger than ever when you see each other again. So as hard as this seems right now, see it as an opportunity, rather than an obstacle. And trust that everything will work out for the best in the end.

Take Care

P.S. Why don't you also look at going to a few Nar-Anon meetings? There you'll meet and interact with other loved one's and family members of drug addicts, so not only will it help you deal with the loneliness, you'll also learn a great deal about how to handle your relationship.

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by: alyssa

Yes I know and your absolutely right. I am trying really hard to focus on myself for the time being, I've gotten a new job and I also go to therapy for my anxieties since I don't take Medication. They always tell me to reach out online for support to help, but I will look into those meetings, just gotta find out where I can go locally in my area. I did always try not to be co-dependent, never lent him money, or lied for him, I would only just comfort him so he didn't feel like he didn't have any motivation to better himself by going into rehab. But I probably was a little co-dependent but not in a bad way I would hope because I never enabled his problems, but I didn't wanna make him feel like he wasn't loved and turn my back on him I felt like that would have made it worst, he was seeing a therapist as part of his out patient treatment before he did inpatient, and he told them that I was the best thing he had going for him, but your right it won't be forever but it's hard because sometimes I just miss the embrace I mean were all human and need comfort, it's a different comfort you get from your family and friends. but I honestly see what were you saying because now I'm just working and saving up looking for a car and in a couple months I'll be dealing with the stress of fasfa to go back to school. thank you so much for your comment I really sincerely appreciate it. I'm sure if I was the problem in his addiction or had any negative impact I would have known by now he wouldn't call me or even his family would have told me but his family says that I'm very good for him. So I should just stay optimistic and patient and the best will happen just have to keep saying that to myself.

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