My 40 Year Old Daughter Is an Addict. I Don't Know What To Do Anymore.
My 40 year old daughter has struggled with drugs and alcohol for many years, since she was 20. I just don't know what to do anymore. There was a period of about six years when she actually cleaned up her act.
Her daughters are both in college, their father has been absent for many years, he does try to help them out with expenses. I divorced my husband of twenty six years, ten years ago it all had to do with my daughters drug problems.
In April of this year she went into rehab for a month, it did not help. In December she was fired from the company where she had worked for more than eight years. She has cashed in her 401K and spent it all.
I told her she could move in with me if she cleaned up her act, she moved in and for a month was clean and seemed to be on track. Last week she returned to her old home town to visit a friend and I have not seen her since, she has called for money, she went to my 83 year old mothers house and stole money from her.
I am tired of the situation, her eldest daughter has told me she just cannot deal with her mother any longer and feels there is no hope for her, she does not want to talk about her mother anymore. I am so stressed out over this situation it is making me have anxiety attacks. I love my daughter, do I keep on trying to help her or is it time to say no more.
What more can you do Angela? Your daughter has had every opportunity to do something about her addiction, yet still isn't prepared to change her behavior. You've done all you can do.
Eventually it reaches a point where as a parent you've done everything you can to help, and it's time to let go. Because no one can help your daughter until she's ready to help herself. And by continually wanting to intervene or be there for her, despite good intentions, you actually just further end up enabling her.
You need to let your daughter know that while you love her, she's an adult and so you can't control the choices she makes. If she wants to destroy her life with drugs and alcohol, then so be it. You can't be there to try and rescue her any longer, she's now on her own.
Being surrounded with supportive and understanding people can help you get through this. Groups like Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are excellent for that. It's time to start focusing on your life, happiness and well-being again ... and finding peace from the fact that your daughter's destiny is out of your hands, and whatever will be, will be.
God Bless and Take Care
P.S. It may be worth you getting your hands on Help! My Child Is An Addict
which goes into a lot more depth around what you can do to help your addicted daughter. Click Here
to find out more ...