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My 21 Yr Old Son Is in Jail Again and Asked His Father if He Could Live With Him When He His Released From Jail.

My son (21) is in jail and is a convicted felon. He has had issues with drugs/alcohol since thirteen.

Yes, he's had many opportunities : went to a long-term facility at fifteen, residential (28 day program). Court ordered "Drug Court Program" and just recently was in "Project Recovery" in jail.
Consequences that he has faced: emergency/hospital overdoses, jail, convicted of grand theft & poss. of substance etc.

I spoke to his father about my son going back to live with him. Knowing that my son does not listen to the house rules and his father does not go through with any consequences. I suggested that this time his father should follow through. His dad is quite upset with me and also said "he does not have the guts to kick him out.

In our city there is a program available however one needs to live there and rules are carried out. My fear is that my son will not seek outpatient services if he does in fact live with his Dad.

Thank-you and looking forward to any/all help. Answer

I know you want to help your son, but until he's ready to help himself, the best program in the world won't make a difference. He has to be ready to change and turn his life around before anything/anyone can help him.

So while you certainly should suggest the program you refer to and speak to his father about it and that it could benefit your son, you're going to have to let go of the outcome and understand if your son and his father don't buy into it, there isn't a lot else you can do.

Your son is an adult now and has to make his own choices, no matter how bad they are. You can only hope that at some point the consequences of those choices reach a point where he's sick and tired of the life he's created for himself and wants to do something about his drug and alcohol problems.

So while you can make your feelings clear and what you think the best course of action would be to take, you can't force your son to take that course of action or for his father to agree with what you propose.

The hardest part as a parent is sometimes the act of letting go and accepting you've done all you can and there isn't anything left you can do, other than hope and pray that something eventually goes off in your son's mind where he decides he's had enough.

Your son has been given the opportunities - rehab, drug court etc. - so it all comes back to his wanting to change and unless he does, the best program in the world won't help him. As sad as that it, the sooner you can make peace with that, the better for your well-being and state of mind.

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