My 19 Year Old Son Has Admitted to Smoking Pot and Doing LSD but Says he's Not Addicted and Is Careful With it.
I have been the only parent in my son's life for the last 17 years. I met my husband 6 years ago and we became a blended family 2 years ago when we got married.
My husband and I have no children together but we do have 4 teenagers between us. Two 19 year old boys, one 17 year old boy and a 15 year old daughter.
Both of our older boys have admitted to smoking pot. It wasn't until about 2 weeks ago that it was brought to our attention that they have both done LSD .... IN OUR HOUSE!!
The only reason we found out about it was because my stepson started having panic attacks the day after he did it and admitted that my son and him did the drug in our house.
My son was the one who supplied it and he also admitted that this wasn't the first time that he has done it. My son was soooo upset with my stepson that he ratted on him and got him into trouble.
He said "I told him that he was going to have this feeling the next day but he didn't listen. If he would just sleep it off he'll be fine tomorrow." Two days later my stepson was still having the sleepless nights and the panic attacks and also admitted to my husband( his dad) that he was having suicidal ideations.
My husband took him to the ER where he was admitted to the behavioral health floor for 4 days. It was jaw dropping to hear how often he was smoking pot. This incident scared my stepson sober. My son on the other hand, it didn't phase him.
I was really hoping that this would scare him enough to stop. I had a long sit down talk with my son. He promised to stop the hallucinogens but that he would more than likely continue to smoke pot because it is harmless.
He continued to tell me that he has come home after smoking pot and that I couldn't even tell he had done it. So therefore he thinks he's mature about how he uses it and is careful enough that I couldn't even tell he had done it and it's ok.
He looooovvves to argue about why pot should be legalized. It is his favorite argument to have with me. He's researched everything you want to know about pot. I told my son that the drug use is to stop. NOW!!! And if I find out that he's still doing it, he will be kicked out of the house.
I've threatened to do random drug tests. He claims he can pass them because he "knows how". I've cried, begged and bargained with him trying to get him to see how serious this is and how much I worry about his future and well being.
I'm so tired of the emotional highs and lows I go through because of his issue. My husband has had a discussion with his son who has opened my eyes even more about how often my son is smoking the pot and where he hides it in the house (which he claims there isn't any in the house).
We've caught my son in so many lies it's hard to believe him and to be able to tell when he is telling the truth. He has had a part time job over the last 2 1/2 years and it's never been a problem for him to go to work or show up.
He's not been in any sort of legal trouble, as of yet. He went to college for 2 semesters and is now trying to decide if he wants to continue college or find a full time job.
It's sad to say but sometimes I wish something non life threatening would happen to him to get him to see that what he is doing is no good. I want him to see that the path he is headed down is the wrong one.
His "friends" that he hangs out with, I feel, contribute to his habits. He does have a steady girlfriend that he's been with for the last 4 years. We like her alot and feel that she has a pretty good head on her shoulders.
But I think that he is feeding her with the same crap he feeds us. And that is that we are way to overprotective and worry to much and won't let him experience life and are to controlling and that pot is ok.
This is not a good way to start out a marriage. My husband and I are in the same boat as far as our boys doing drugs. But we are on different sides of the lake now because his son is steering in the right direction while mine still sees no harm in the pot. I feel guilty about it being my son that got my stepson into trouble. Yet he is doing well now.
I need guidance or suggestions as to how I can help him see the light. What can I do to open his eyes. Me talking to him is doing no good whatsoever. I've asked him to go to counseling but he says he doesn't need it. HELP!!!
Nicole, unfortunately there isn't a lot you can do to make your son see the light. He's at an age where he has answers to everything so the more you try talk to him - the more he's going to try prove you wrong and argue otherwise.
So giving him an ultimatum and forcing him to choose whether to continue drugs or being allowed to continue living at home, is about all you can do for now.
Because as you also rightly pointed out, until something happens or the consequences of your son's drug use become bad enough for him to want to change, he's going to keep smoking pot and taking acid.
Whether your son's using gets progressively worse or he eventually comes to the realisation that he's had enough, you just can't tell. Some people do use drugs like marijuana and LCD recreationally for a while and grow out of it, so hopefully that ends up being the case with your son.
But whatever happens you have to realise your son is old enough to make his own choices - and if he makes bad one's, you have to let him learn from his mistakes and make sure he gets to experiences all the consequences that come with it, no matter how unpleasant.
All you can control are your own responses and emotions, which means having to let go of trying to force your son to change and let his life unfold however its meant to. It's probably one of the hardest things to do as a parent, but something you have to do for the sake of your own well-being and your marriage.
Put boundaries in place and make clear the consequences for crossing them, but apart from that the more you try change your son, the more he's likely to resist you. Getting involved with groups like Nar-Anon may also help you come to terms with that and make dealing with things a bit easier.
It's probably not want you want to hear, but unfortunately there is no quick fix or magic cure. Your son is going to have to come to the realization himself if he's going to change, so don't let his poor choices derail you. All the best.