Mom Is a Mean Alcoholic and I'm Pregnant

by r
(new mexico)

I found out that I am pregnant, 5 weeks prefabricated, and I told my mom. She went off on me about not graduating with my associates degree now in May. I've been with my boyfriend 5.5 years so it's not some one night thing. I had a miscarriage in July 2011 and when I told her then that I was pregnant - she drank for days on end and fought with me constantly.

And now, she yells at me and tells me that I'm a f-ing bi*ch, that I'm stupid, and calls me such mean things. She wakes up drunk and when the 3rd day comes along she is completely sober and doesn't remember a damn thing and I'm still so hurt about it all.

We take care of my 92 year old grandma and my mom says she drinks because of her and so when my grandma gets hard to handle she drinks and calls my grandma every name in the book ... even in front of company!!

My mom tried the AA meetings but she only lasted 1 meeting and never went back. What can I do now that I am pregnant and dealing with her drinking and how aggressive she is? She makes me hate to be home, and makes me feel lime I did something to piss of God to give me someone this horrible in my life.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Look, it's a horrible situation you're in, but there isn't much you can do to change your Mom. She's going to keep drinking and be mean and you're either going to have to live with it, or start making some changes.

Best you move out and find a place of your own. Now that you're pregnant, you have the well-being of your baby to think about, and if you're constantly stressed out and anxious, that isn't going to be good for the baby.

So you and your boyfriend need to sit down and figure out a plan as to how you can make that happen. Where there's a will there's a way, and whatever challenges that may face you, I'm sure you guys can figure a way to get around that.

With a bit of luck, you moving out will also help your relationship with your Mom, because you not being there all the time may mean she starts to value your time together more. And once the baby is born, the most powerful tool you have to get your Mom to start thinking about doing something about her alcoholism, is the baby.

You can make it clear to her that while you want her to have an active part in her grandchild's life ... you're not going to allow it if she's still drinking. There are no guarantees it will work, but if anything is going to motivate your Mom to change, that could be it.

But for now, you have to focus on doing whatever you have to to make sure you and your baby are in an environment that is uplifting and supportive - rather than all the negativity you're constantly surrounded by.

It may not be easy, but with your boyfriend's help, you'll think of something ... whether it be moving in with him, finding your own place together, or staying with a friend/family member.
There are ways around this - you just have to find what's right for you.

Good Luck

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