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Losing My Family Due To My Boyfriend's Cocaine Addiction

by Alie
(Ontario, Canada)

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years now and we have been battling his addiction to cocaine and alcohol ever since.

I thought we were out of the woods when he decided to get sober from cocaine last December, and when that stopped his drinking slowed down as well, I thought we were finally going to be happy.

So it has been almost a year and a half now, and we now find ourselves expecting a baby. I am currently three months pregnant, and I was beginning to notice that my boyfriends drinking was becoming increasingly more excessive, but I thought maybe was he just a little nervous and I was hoping he would settle down as soon as his shock wore off.

Unfortunately yesterday I found out that he has been using cocaine again and has been for 2 months. The worst part of it all is that he has been lying to my face for two months and it doesn't faze him.

I don't think I can go through everything with him all over again. I am so stressed, so hurt, so alone, and I feel like my image of a happy family is shattering.

This situation can't be good for the baby, I think I have to leave him, but I love him so much, he is the most incredible person when he is sober. I don't know what to do; I am so depressed and confused.

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coke and alcoholics NEW
by: Anonymous

I have been through this and the news is not good. Most addicts will remain addicts their whole lives. Hence the word addiction. It's really sad to live through this and to put a baby in the mix. You don't deserve it and your child certainly doesn't.
My ex had just moved in with me and went missing for a week left our pets in the house with no food or water I came home unexpected and found the pets like this and the house was full of animal feces. I haven't seen him since. It is a very selfish addiction and he isn't thinking about you or your child just himself and you think it is bad now...you have no idea how bad it will get. He will take food money, your childs health money, he will stress you to death. You will constantly be on pins and needles because of his moods, withdrawls etc...so please please for your sake and your babies let him be...go on with your life and walk away.

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YOU CANNOT HELP HIM. ONLY HIMSELF.
by: Anonymous

run for the hills love and never look back. if he loves you and his child more than the cocaine and the alcohol he will find you.

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drug addicts and alcoholics
by: Anonymous

I am dealing with the same thing. My boyfriend is like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. When he is sober, he is affable, outgoing, charming, intelligent, and polite. But when he ends up doing coke or drinking, even if it is only one or two beers, he transforms into this zombie/ robotic like creature that I want nothing to do with. He can be verbally abusive, disappear for hours/ days at a time, completely avoid my phone calls, and on and on. He often talks about wanting to change, wanting to stop using. But 9 out of 10 days, he ends up using drugs or alcohol. He confesses to me that he is remorseful and sometimes feels like he can stop all on his own. He knows that he has a serious problem but believes that he is above getting help, that getting help is not for him, and that reaching out for help will not help him. He says he is going to stop using by himself. Yet nearly every single day, he proves himself wrong. And the fact that I let him back into my life every single time is no one's fault but my own. He is going on his 500th change. And every time, he asks for just one more change. And every time, when the next day comes, he wins me over and we practically forget all about it.
If you allow an addict to use you and take advantage of your optimistic nature, they will. If you give an addict the benefit of the doubt, they most likely will make you feel ridiculous. The only thing you can do is show them that you are serious, because words mean nothing to an addict. Words are just another way that they can manipulate you and anyone else who will listen. Do what ever you can to move out, make him move out, or get as far away as possible. If he realizes that it is now or never, that if he doesn't quit now he will lost you and his child. It is possible that he cares more about the drug than he does being with you or his child, and if that is the case you need to move on asap. If he has it in him to turn things around, nothing short of a severe slap in the face/ door in the face will change it.

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Your Boyfriend Needs Help
by: C-P

It's a terrible situation you're in. You're having the child of the man you love - except he's a drug addict and alcoholic. You can't change him though - he is responsible for sorting his own life out. But it doesn't seem like he's ready to do that. All you can then do is try and facilitate that he gets the help he needs by arranging an intervention and not enabling his behaviour - so that you give the message loud and clear that you will now stand for his continued cocaine using and drinking. If that doesn't work - then it doesn't leave you with much of a choice. The well-being of you and your baby are too important.

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