Just Want To Talk - It Never Stops Does It?! My Son and His Addiction To Pain Pills
(Merritt Island, Fl)
I've been reading these pages for a couple of months and realizing things are pretty bad. No local help that doesn't involve Jesus and church and my face. I'm so embarrassed. I'm trying to be strong but this is harder than hell. My son is 22, an addict of pain pills at a minimum, lots of trouble, trying to keep it from becoming felonies rather than misdemeanours so he can have a life sometime.
He lies and can't remember, than gets mad at me, all the usual stuff missing, stolen, pawned belongings, have to lock everything up ... I can move beyond all that's gone if it will just stop. He passed a drug test last Friday ... but something isn't right.
I let him borrow my phone for 5 minutes and messages I found talk about "50 n bank just want my money bak hook u up 2" .... this can't be good. Confronted him and he started shouting, 'you know I can't sleep and now I have to worry about this, why can't we talk about it tomorrow.' I know better than to ignore this, but I'm drained. It's 1:00AM he's sleeping and I'm still up!
It's about accepting you can't control someone else and the choices/decisions they make with their life - no matter how bad they may be, and even if they are your child. So as much as you want to do something about your son, his addiction to pain pills, and his delinquent behaviors - he's an adult and fully responsible for the choices he makes. And he's not going to change unless he wants to.
So what you have to ask yourself - is if you can continue to let his toxic influence effect you and your life? As a parent you'll never stop worrying and hoping things will change entirely, but you can make the decision that you are going to do everything in your power to take control of your life again, and remove as much of the negativity you're faced with as possible.
How? Simply by telling your son he can no longer live at home and that until he makes an effort to turn his life around, he's on his own. Some call it tough love, but it's more about trying to teach your son that he's entirely responsible for the choices he makes - and if he's going to continue making bad one's, he has to live with the consequences that accompany them.
Because that's how we learn - fall hard enough, often enough - and eventually we usually get the message that things need to change. In 'addict speak' it's called hitting rock bottom. So you need to allow that to happen and make sure you don't in any way enable your son and his addictive behaviors.
Is it easy? No. But unfortunately there is no quick-fix solution. And if your son gives you trouble about moving out, get him forcibly evicted by the police if need be. He has to realise he can't walk all over you anymore and that you're serious and prepared to follow through.
The only thing you have any control over in this life is YOU. So focus on doing things that bring you joy and comfort, because that will help bring balance and perspective to your life. Support groups like Al-Anon and Nar-Anon can also be helpful, because in meeting other family members/parents going through what you are, you realise you're not alone, and having that kind of support network in place can make all the difference.
You're faced with every parents worst nightmare and the best way to deal with it is to make sure you arm yourself with the knowledge of what the best methods are to help your son with his addiction - but also to make sure you maintain your own sanity and peace of mind through all this, otherwise you'll just end up losing your mind. You should therefore try and get yourself Help! My Child Is An Addict
which was written exactly for a parents in your position. You'll feel a lot more empowered and clear about what you need to do. So take a look by Clicking Here