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Just Want To Talk - It Never Stops Does It?! My Son and His Addiction To Pain Pills

by Momma
(Merritt Island, Fl)

I've been reading these pages for a couple of months and realizing things are pretty bad. No local help that doesn't involve Jesus and church and my face. I'm so embarrassed. I'm trying to be strong but this is harder than hell. My son is 22, an addict of pain pills at a minimum, lots of trouble, trying to keep it from becoming felonies rather than misdemeanours so he can have a life sometime.

He lies and can't remember, than gets mad at me, all the usual stuff missing, stolen, pawned belongings, have to lock everything up ... I can move beyond all that's gone if it will just stop. He passed a drug test last Friday ... but something isn't right.

I let him borrow my phone for 5 minutes and messages I found talk about "50 n bank just want my money bak hook u up 2" .... this can't be good. Confronted him and he started shouting, 'you know I can't sleep and now I have to worry about this, why can't we talk about it tomorrow.' I know better than to ignore this, but I'm drained. It's 1:00AM he's sleeping and I'm still up! Answer

It's about accepting you can't control someone else and the choices/decisions they make with their life - no matter how bad they may be, and even if they are your child. So as much as you want to do something about your son, his addiction to pain pills, and his delinquent behaviors - he's an adult and fully responsible for the choices he makes. And he's not going to change unless he wants to.

So what you have to ask yourself - is if you can continue to let his toxic influence effect you and your life? As a parent you'll never stop worrying and hoping things will change entirely, but you can make the decision that you are going to do everything in your power to take control of your life again, and remove as much of the negativity you're faced with as possible.

How? Simply by telling your son he can no longer live at home and that until he makes an effort to turn his life around, he's on his own. Some call it tough love, but it's more about trying to teach your son that he's entirely responsible for the choices he makes - and if he's going to continue making bad one's, he has to live with the consequences that accompany them.

Because that's how we learn - fall hard enough, often enough - and eventually we usually get the message that things need to change. In 'addict speak' it's called hitting rock bottom. So you need to allow that to happen and make sure you don't in any way enable your son and his addictive behaviors.

Is it easy? No. But unfortunately there is no quick-fix solution. And if your son gives you trouble about moving out, get him forcibly evicted by the police if need be. He has to realise he can't walk all over you anymore and that you're serious and prepared to follow through.

The only thing you have any control over in this life is YOU. So focus on doing things that bring you joy and comfort, because that will help bring balance and perspective to your life. Support groups like Al-Anon and Nar-Anon can also be helpful, because in meeting other family members/parents going through what you are, you realise you're not alone, and having that kind of support network in place can make all the difference.

You're faced with every parents worst nightmare and the best way to deal with it is to make sure you arm yourself with the knowledge of what the best methods are to help your son with his addiction - but also to make sure you maintain your own sanity and peace of mind through all this, otherwise you'll just end up losing your mind. You should therefore try and get yourself Help! My Child Is An Addict which was written exactly for a parents in your position. You'll feel a lot more empowered and clear about what you need to do. So take a look by Clicking Here.

Comments for Just Want To Talk - It Never Stops Does It?! My Son and His Addiction To Pain Pills

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by: Vicki

I am so glad to come across your stories. My twenty-eight year old son has chronic back problems and has been on pain meds for a few years. He is now completely addicted to all opiates. He is married with two step-children. They asked to move in with my husband and myself, so they could start a new life and we said "yes". They stole money and whatever they thought was worth something. The lies were never ending. We finally told them that they had to move out, when we finally found out what was going on. I kept the children and called her mother, who immediately drove to where we live and took the boys back with her. My son and his wife then went back to where they lived before. They have gone through detox but when it comes to going into rehab my son won't go because he is in pain and needs his medication. They both are homeless now and my son calls me and cries and asks me what they can do. I tell him that I'm sorry but I don't know how to help them anymore. I pray and cry, he calls just about everyday. I don't know how to handle everyday life anymore. I've tried researching the computer to find him a rehab that will monitor his pain medication, but I don't have 10 to 14 thousand dollars for one. If my son was healthy maybe this would be easier, I don't know but knowing he has valid pain, makes me wonder how bad of a parent I am by doing what I've done. They have lost everything and I know they have been doing drugs interveniously. What to do???

It really is true
by: Anonymous

My son has been addicted to drugs and alcohol for over 12 years now. I was pretty good for a while at masking his problems until one day I realized I am enabling him and not helping anyone. I have finally reached a point after 12 years of total guilt what did I do to make him this way, did I fail him, was it divorce, was it because I worked the list went on and on until this year I realized he is a grown man at age 33 he has made very poor choices and only he has done this. I realize we all get some tough hands in life as I did myself but I made decisons to improve my life and not let it hold me hostage. I have to say this is the most difficult thing to do in life is let go and let your kids learn some of the most valuable lessons of all failure. I pray every day that he finds his way. We are not talking as he has said good bye as he left my house a few months back. I have come to terms that I may never see or be around my son again in my life and I must say it doesnt upset me as bad as I thought it may. I am realizing my time is limited and I must live my life to make me happy and I cant feel bad doing so. The constant opportunity is family that wants to keep you in touch by telling you he isnt doing good and having to cut them out of your life as well. I have not mastered how to deal with that. If someone has some advise I would love to hear it. Thank you for letting me share my story.

just want to talk
by: annie

if i didn't know better i would say that was my story all over. please read mine, my son is a drug addict and see if you think the same.
i know exactly how you feel, but its like they say if you don't kick him out and let him see for himself he will continue to take you down with him. i lost 20lbs, couldn't sleep or eat, almost lost my job of 14 years. almost lost my husband of 33 years,struggling to raise his daughter. he doesn't see his son except if he happened to come by when we had him. he has stole from us like you wouldn't beleive, broke in our house since we kicked him out. talk to us like we are strangers and cuss us like no tomorrow. he has been warned that we will press charges if he breaks in again and takes anything. he is only allowed here if he is straight. which is few and far between. he has been in and out of jail and looking now at 3 to 10 years for drug charges. he is scared and very skinny now and still dosen't live in our world. he has no reality. i don't know if he will ever be the same. so you have to do whats best for you,you have done your job as a mother and gave him the best you could. he is now a adult and you have to let go. i know its hard, the hardest thing i have ever done, but trust me it does get a little easier. you are not getting any younger and when you look at how long you have left, well its time to let him go, he will either swim or drown. you are not responsible any longer for his actions or choices. don't be ashamed of him because its everywhere and you just happen to be one of the ones that recognizes he has a problem, and now its time to stop helping him. as long as he knows you are there he will keep coming back for more. i know this sounds awful but its the truth. i have been living this story for about 5 years now and i finally let go. i can do no more, he is on his on and beleive me he is still making it on his on, so maybe he will decide to come clean when he gets tired of stealing, hunger, cold and trouble. let your son stand on his on two feet. its the drugs that make them so confrontaional and angry, they just want to live in their drug up world and to hell with everyone let it be. please trust me i know what i am talking about. start living for yourself, please try, i am here if you need to talk. in the same boat, but getting better!

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