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Jake's Story: Alcoholic or Drug Addict? I don't really know ...

Am I an alcoholic? Possibly. Am I a drug addict? Probably. All I know is that my life is a mess right now and if I don't get myself together I'm probably going to lose everything ...

I've always been a binge drinker. It started at school where I wanted to fit in and be a part of the boys. There'd always be parties and girls and who could get the most wasted.

And that kind of pretty much continued through College. Luckily I did okay and once I finished College managed to get a pretty good job and got promoted pretty quickly because I worked hard.

Now my drinking didn't revolve around frat parties anymore, but corporate functions and socialising with colleagues after a hard day at the office. So there was pretty much an opportunity to drink Monday to Friday and on the few nights I didn't have anything on, I would still go home and have a few beers just to help me unwind.

Then there was the weekends - always something on - and of course drinking was a natural part of that. I never thought of myself as an alcoholic though because even though I knew I probably drank more than I should, I still did what I needed to, paid my bills and all that.

Through all of this I met my wife and a coupla years ago we had our son. So that meant I wasn't out after work most nights anymore, but the beers or whiskies at home still continued - how else was I going to relax after a stressful day at the office?

My wife even started commenting on how much I drink, even though I don't get like some people do when they've had too much, aggressive or loud or obnoxious. I usually just end up falling asleep.

Last year at a party someone offered me coke and because I'd had too much to drink I guess, I figured, 'why not?' I just loved the buzz it game me. I suddenly felt alive and super confident. My wife noticed something because she said I was acting weird, but there was no way I was gonna tell her. She would've killed me.

Not long after, things were really stressful at work and I wanted something to give me a lift. So I bought some coke, but promised myself I'd only take a little bit and stop as soon as I got over the rough patch at work.

That was almost a year ago. I'm doing at least a gram of coke a day now and it feels like my life is starting to fall apart. I get real bad mood swings and I'm starting to act all erratic. People are commenting about my behaviour at work and asking me what's wrong. I don't think anyone knows it's because I'm high.

My wife also suspects something serious is wrong. We fight a lot now because of my moods and strange behaviour and she's come out straight and asked me if I'm using drugs, which I denied totally.

Luckily because of my income, I haven't got us into any financial trouble (yet) and have been able to hide how much I spend on the stuff. I know I need to do something because it feels like things are starting to spiral out of control - I'm just not sure what?

I'm scared if I tell my employer they'll fire me - and then I'll be really screwed. I've got a mortgage to pay and family to support. Plus what if my wife leaves me because of all the lies and deceit?

I know I need to do something but I just feel trapped. I can't go on like this, but at the same time I'm scared I'll lose everything if I come out with the truth.

Comments for Jake's Story: Alcoholic or Drug Addict? I don't really know ...

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Is not as easy as it seems.
by: Anonymous

Is not as easy as it seems, many people would b quick to say, oh yeah just come out with the truth & join a program or something, that's like having a felony on your record. Anybody that comes out with a problem like that will always b scarred, that doesn't mean nothing has to b done, I'm trying to quit coke & beer myself but I can't even imagine my mothers face, & the comments from every one; I'd rather try to work this out myself anonymously as far as possible, try going to a church(a different one from the 1 u go to, if u do go to church) but trust me I totally understand your fear of coming out.

Wife of an addict
by: Anonymous

I am the wife of a drug addict/alcoholic. Everything you are describing here sounds like my husband. He is in a rehab facility right now. Everyone in our lives has been asking him "what's wrong" for about a year. Now we know. You need to get professional help. You have a disease. If you had heart disease or diabetes would you just think it would go away with time. No you would seek treatment and learn how to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Addiction is no different. It is in your DNA just like heart disease or diabetes. There are four stages to addiction. Experimentation, wanting DOC (drug of choice)all of the time, full blown addict, death. It is scientifically proven that if a drug addict does not get control of their addiction they will end up in prison, be institutionalized, or they will die. Those are your choices.
You would be surprised at how your wife might react. She obviously already knows. At first she will be very angry. Then she will say what now. That is when you take charge of your disease and get help. Telling your employer is premature. You could simply ask for some time off to take care of some family issues. The only person you are fooling is yourself. Please get help!

Get Help
by: Anonymous

I think you know you've got a problem - so you need to get help so that you can overcome your addiction. And it's clear alcohol is as much of a problem as drugs so you'll have to accept that abstinence is the only way for you.

I agree
by: C-P

You've got to come out with the truth and get help. The longer you live the lie the harder it will get. Most companies these days are quite supportive and I'm sure your wife will stand by you if you're honest and promise to get help. You can do this.

Come Clean
by: Susan

I can imagine how bad it must be for you - but you've got to come clean to your wife and employer about what's going on. And then you need to get yourself professional help, preferably into a rehab/detox treatment facility. As you say if you just let things continue your life will literally collapse around you before you know it. If you're honest and sincere with your wife and employers they're also likely to be supportive. But nothing will change if you don't do something and get help. Just imagine how much worse things could still get. Come clean and get help now or else you may well be left with nothing. Good Luck.

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