Is It Wrong That I Paid For My 20 Yr Old Daughter's Methadone Treatment While She Is in Inpatient Rehab??
I told my story here before (My 20 yr Old Daughter is Addicted to Heroin. I Want to Help Her But She Has to Also Want to Help Herself. Where Do I Start?) Well I know I did not get into too much detail of the story but only because there is so much to say ...
Anyways, my husband and I drove to NM to pick her and my Grandson up because she finally asked for help. Her real father in NM was not willing to help (that's another story), she already hurt the people that took her in and helped take care of her son, MY PARENTS. I was willing to help because she is my daughter and I love her and if she does not follow my rules, I will not help her!
Being and reading all these support groups has made me realize, if she does not want to get better and get help, I have to let her go and I don't mean stop loving her but providing for her or helping her in any way because she is taking everything I have from inside me and that's causing me to not be able to parent my other child who is 12.
The feeling the parents and family members have to go through for the addicts is crazy and is not fair! Well, I took her to a Detox, which I could tell she wanted to back out but she didn't. It took about 3 days, she hated it there so I really do not know if she was asked to leave or she was really ready??
She said they tested her and she was clean. When I picked her up they all seemed to know she was leaving so, who really knows???? That was on a Thurs but the Rehab was not available until the next Monday so she was VERY hard to get along with. She was grouchy, still getting cold, etc.
Then Monday came and she started an Inpatient Womens & Childrens Rehab, which again, I could tell she did not want to go because on the drive over there, she told me "What's the point of going to this?" She was just impossible to get along with. Well, it is Saturday, 7 days later, I went to go visit her and my Grandson, she seems alot happier.
Still needs help with her Parenting skills (which they will teach her there). She is still very short with me but seems to be more positive about being there. Well, as I said before, there is so much to say but I need to know this. She is hurting really bad, they have her on Methadone treatments which she says helps her. She does go on a daily basis so she cannot abuse it.
My husband was furious that I agreed to help pay for the month. I told him it was helping her but he did not seem to agree. He was on my case asking how much longer am I going to help her?? Well my answer was, if this Methadone will help her, I will do what I can to help her with this problem and to help my Grandson get his mom back. BUT I will not pay for her bills, I will not let her live with us unless she works or goes to school. Am I wrong for doing this???
You're definitely on the track in terms of how you're going about helping your daughter with her heroin addiction. She is where she needs to be, i.e. Rehab, and now it's up to her what she makes of the opportunity she's been given to turn her life around and whether she commits to staying clean.
There is nothing wrong with paying for your daughter's time in rehab
because you're putting her in an environment where she has the best opportunity of being helped. And being given methadone as part of a heroin detoxification program isn't uncommon - hopefully however they do also have a plan to wean her off that in the long-term so maybe just check with them on that.
And then once your daughter finishes rehab it is important to establish boundaries, and perhaps even enter into a contract with her, about what your expectations are, what will/won't be allowed etc. Because you have to try and install in her the concept of being responsible for her actions - and the only way you do that is by holding her accountable. Simply doing everything for her and paying all her bills for example will teach her nothing.
But that's probably getting a bit ahead of things for now. Your daughter needs to get through her treatment program at rehab first, and then you can start thinking about these things. And be sure to get involved with the rehab where possible - they tend to have open/families days which you can attend, and where they'll also advise you on how best to deal with an addict in recovery - so get involved where you can and take on board the advice they provide.
Your daughter is where she needs to be right now and that's the main thing. Don't worry too much about the fact that she's still being short with you. There are a lot of emotions she has to work through and process still which will take time. You've done a great job in helping her get into treatment for her heroin addiction - and hopefully she'll use the opportunity to make the changes she needs to and turn her life around.
There is so much ground to cover Angela around how best to help your daughter, making sure you don't enable her, and trying to maintain your own sanity and peace of mind through it all, a book I just finished called Help! My Child Is An Addict
covers all these details and more so I think it really could help you. Take A Look Here
and let me know what you think. Take Care.