Is it OK to Ask My Spouse to Stop Using Cocaine Recreationally?
Is it OK to ask my spouse to stop using cocaine recreationally? 7 years ago my wife and I were addicted to methamphetamine for 2 years. We eventually stopped and have been clean from it.
My wife was curious to experiment with other drugs and 5 months ago we tried cocaine for the first time. Initially she said she did not want to do it again. 5 months have gone by and she has done it about a dozen times since. About half of those times with me and half with her best friend.
I do not like the idea of continuing to do it and it makes my stomach turn when my wife does it with her friend randomly. We have gotten into numerous arguments and she claims I am trying to be controlling.
I wouldn't call it abusive, but I feel like if I wasn't opposed to it she would be doing it every weekend or every other weekend. Her friend uses cocaine, prescription drugs, and drinks excessively on a regular basis.
My wife has a stressful job and I worry that using even a little cocaine every other week is compounding the stress. She is mean when I try to talk about it with her and will say my negative attitude ruins her days.
I've been really confused and torn on how to respond. I have tried to be ok with it and didn't like the results. I am now adamantly voicing disapproval and she has threatened to just not tell me if she does it.
We rarely drank and never did drugs when we got married 10 years ago and now she drinks 3-5 times a week and does cocaine on occasion, and gets mad at me if I expect something different.
Is it OK to ask/expect my wife to quit doing cocaine completely? Or is that too controlling?
Absolutely! Because your wife's using and drinking is clearly effecting her emotional well-being, which explains her moodiness etc., and its only going to get worse if she doesn't
As her husband you have every right to express your disapproval with her behavior, because what she's doing isn't healthy and is only going to compound her stress and make her feel worse. This is how the cycle of substance abuse and eventual addiction begins.
The fact that your wife is also regularly hanging out with a friend who is a regular drug abuses means her using is only going to get worse, not better, because we are influenced most by the people we regularly spend time with.
The way to handle this with your wife isn't to come across as a moaner or lose your cool. Stay calm and express your feelings in a clear, calm, authoritative way.
Tell her you're not comfortable with what she's doing and that whilst you can't control the choices she makes or stop her from using, her behaviour is starting to detrimentally effect your relationship. Remind her that you only want the best for her and are concerned with her well-being.
You have to then make it clear to her that if she continues with this, she may end up putting your relationship at risk, because no relationship can survive someone using drugs over the long-term.
Essentially its about you putting boundaries in place and then letting things unfold however they're meant to from there. Offer to support her in getting help and being there for her if she does - but the longer things continue as they are, the worse your relationship is going to become.
Unfortunately you have no control over what your wife decides to do and the choices she makes, but hopefully this is nothing more but a bad phase which she'll come out of.
But you do need to make your boundaries clear and the consequences for her continuing as she is. Because there is a history of addiction and it looks like she could simply be replacing her previous drug of choice for cocaine and if gets to that, things will turn into a living hell for you. Good Luck.