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I Was Supposed to Check into Rehab this morning...

by Juliette
(Santa Ana, CA)

...I'm still sitting here on this computer. Scared to freaking death. I am a very strong woman who can face anything that life throws at me. Except this. I want to be clean. I want the life that I dream about. The one that includes my children, a home, a car, money in the bank, food in the fridge and SLEEP. Most importantly, I want to be proud of who I am. Being a slave to this f*%@ing drug is destroying me.

So why am I so full of fear and anxiety? I've been clean before, 5 years once, 18 months the other. I know how great it feels. The hump that I need to get over to begin recovery is sky high.
Why can't I just take that step?
UGH! I hate myself!

P.S. I am court ordered to go into a drug program by the way.


Hi Juliette

There's a great book called, 'Feel the Fear, but Do It Anyway.' What you're feeling is normal. The unknown, the doubt, the questions ... means feeling fear under the circumstances is perfectly natural.

As we grow and make positive progress through life - it's not that the fear disappears, we simply have to show courage and act despite our fears, and in doing so we gain confidence that we can achieve the things we desire, despite those fears.

Courage is having the ability to act, despite the fear. You seem like a woman with plenty of courage. So acknowledge your fear - but do what you know you need to do anyway. And with time, you'll realise that the fear isn't such a big deal anymore and everything will become easier.

You've done this all before - you can do it again.

Rehab is the start of your journey to achieving all the things you mentioned. Embrace the experience, commit to doing everything they teach you, and let this be the start of a new life for you.

Good Luck and God Bless

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Thank you
by: Juliette

Thank you. These two comments made me cry. Not in the bad way either. I'm so glad that there are people in this world who care about strangers like me. You've given me strength.
I'll will keep you updated.
I go tomorrow morning for a re-evaluation of my recovery needs.
Keep me in your prayers?

Go For Life
by: Anonymous

Juliette what a beautiful name as you are. Once you decide to do rehab because you want to, not because of a court order, you will be able to do it with mind at ease. Not for the good things in life, (car, money and even your children). But for you. The fear will subside, when you can wake up with a smile, laugh out loud or even cry at a commercial, and know in your heart and mind, it is not drug induced. Its real! And the rest will fall into place. Life is not easy, nor will everyday be a bowl of cherries, but it is what we choose to make it.
Close your eyes and look into your heart and soul. And may god be with you.

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