Alcoholism and Drug Addiction Help Header

I Quit. Why Can't He?

(Denver, CO)

I met my boyfriend through mutual friends a year ago. When we first started dating, we were both addicted to heroin. I was a new user, but he was a past user who had been shooting up & over dosed.

He was clean for a few years, but started using again. He & I only ever smoked it as I was too afraid to become dependent on it through a needle, & he was scared of another over dose.

After a few months, the dependency became too much for me & I quit. I admitted myself into a three month rehab program & I completed it. While I was in my program, he kept telling me he was quitting also.

But when I got out, he was still using. We moved in shortly after I got out & he continued to use. I made it another two months before I relapsed. I was so angry with him for not respecting the fact that I wanted to get my life on track & exposing me to it again.

We started fighting a lot & before I knew it, he had turned to the needle again. He blamed me saying I used to take his pain away & he just wanted to feel numb.

We talked about it, & he agreed to stop shooting up & go back to smoking. But I continued to find spoons & needles around the house. When I confronted him about it a second time, he told me I couldn't judge him because I was a "junkie" too.

I have since then quit using again and am 2 & a half months clean, & I do not plan on relapsing a second time. But he is still shooting up. It makes me so sad. I tell him all the time that I want him to stop & he keeps promising me he will. (He missed his veins in both arms & caused himself to have abscesses. He says he will stop when his arms are healed.)

Most days I wake up & he is tying off in the kitchen. I go to work & When I get back, he is doing his thing again & I have to see it several more times through the night.

I hate that he does it, & I used to be very open about the way I felt, but he would tell me to shut up & scream in my face, calling me names & threatening to move out or get a hotel for the night.

Some times he even locks himself in the bathroom. He's never hit me, but one time I emptied out his prepared syringes & filled them with Cherry Coke & he tackled me. But that's the only time he has been violent.

He continues to tell me he hates himself for messing his arms up & that he wants to quit. But sometimes when he gets angry he screams that he will never quit. I guess I really just want to know if he really wants to stop, or not.

I want to help him & be supportive. I want to be able to make whatever pain made him start go away. But he won't let me in. I have made the decision that if he hasn't quit shooting by the end of the year, I'll have to kick him out of my apartment, but I don't want it to come to that. I love him.

I just don't know what else I can do to help him. & I don't know how I should deal with it so that I am as supportive as possible. I think I have been going about it wrong.

Please share your stories & give me & suggestions. Thanks for reading.

Comments for I Quit. Why Can't He?

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 21, 2012
It's not you it's him
by: Christina

Hi, I feel your pain, especially the fact that he is doing it in front of you. For him to know that you are clean that is total disrespect. It's almost as if he is doing it on purpose so you can relapse. It's always funner with a partner. And he lost his partner so I think in a way he is a bit jealous that you are actually sober. You should not have to put yourself in that situation especially in your own home. I know you love him, but talk to him and if he is going to do it, then have him do it in the bathroom behind closed doors so you don't have to see it. I'm the one who uses and my husband doesn't use, and never even tried it. After reading your story, I feel so bad for my husband because of what I've been putting him through. Last week I actually did it cold turkey in my house to finally get off of it, because I really don't want to use, I just don't want to be sick. And I don't want to take suboxone or methadone. So anyways, I was sick for 5 days torture and the 6th day was starting to walk around but really had no energy, and I totally screwed it up after speaking to my neighbor about my condition and he was like you should of told me, I always have dope. I would have never thought he used. So he gave me a oxy and I sniffed it. I didn't even think of the torture I went through, I really suffered. And I basically threw it all away by taking that one pill. What an idiot. So now I've been using because I have my daughter this weekend and can't be sick. So on Monday I have to start the whole thing over. I'm just hoping it's not going to be as bad as it's been. My husband is at his end too, he can't take me anymore. He loves me so much and pays for everything and really takes care of me and I keep relapsing. It's not like I actually want to keep using. I don't want to use. I want to wake up and be normal like everyone else. But I think in your situation you should sit him down and ask him what he wants to do. "Do you want to be a full time junkie"? And if he says yes, then you need to let him go. Have him move out, because at this point your allowing this behavior in your house and he is not respecting you that you don't want to be around heroin. If he says "no I really want to stop, help me" then you need to figure out what he should do. Should he go inpatient detox or do it at home? It's a vicious cycle and nothing good comes out of this addiction, unless you quit. You can't work fulltime unless you have your dose. The bills don't get paid. Your family doesn't trust you, your fighting between each other. It's just really horrible. I'm 40 years old and never thought I'd be a heroin addict. but I'm going to go through the sickness again to get it out of my body. I'm doing it for myself and for my husband. I want to have a good life. I know your love him, but don't be an enabler. Try and help him only if he wants the help. Good luck and keep in touch. Let me know how it goes. Christina

Sep 02, 2012
Because he doesn't want to
by: Anonymous

You can't help him. He has to help himself. And that starts with actually wanting to because his life has reached bottom. So you need to move on with your life, because the longer you stick around, the more you'll just end up enabling him. Seriously ... its time to move on, for you and for him. Having a successful relationship with an addict is impossible - and you can't put your life on hold hoping and praying he'll miraculously quit. Good luck

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Your Addiction and Alcoholism Stories.


FREE E-Course

"10 Essential Steps to Ending a Life of Alcoholism or Drug Addiction ... Permanently!"

This Course is packed full of valuable information and advice for overcoming addiction that you're unlikely to find anywhere else.

And if you subscribe now - we'll throw in a Special eBook that will help immensely in your struggle against addiction.

Don't worry - your e-mail
address is totally secure.
Your details will NEVER be sold and you will NOT be spammed.

What is this?
Add to My Yahoo!
My MSN RSS button
Add to Google

Copyright © 2013 - - All Rights Reserved.