I Can't Stop Drinking, Sometimes I Drink for Days
I don't have a job. I have 2 children and living with my boyfriend. His mother and sister is also living with us.
I hate that his mother is living with us. When he sends me money I go and start drinking, I got that feeling that I don't want to go back home, cause I feel so free out there drinking all the time.
Me and his mother is always in a fight, its like I hate her. For me being drunk is the best way for dealing with my problems - but i really want to quit drinking, because of my children.
They are the one's that are suffering. I don't know what to do, I've even considered killing myself just to get out of this misery that I'm in.
I love my boyfriend very very much. When I ask him about his mother he gets mad - then I just walk away, cause I'm tired of fighting with him about her - and than I just go to the nearest bar and start all over again.
As much as you dislike your boyfriend's mother and the fact that she's living with you ... you can't keep using that as an excuse to drink. Because if you do, you're never going to be able to quit drinking
and you're just going to become more and more unhappy.
Like you've correctly pointed out, this isn't just about you either - your drinking is going to damage your kids in more ways than you can imagine. It's not fair on them and so you should be using that as motivation to address your drinking problem.
So step number 1 is to get help. It takes more than will-power to overcome alcoholism, so find out what programs are available in your area that can help you get sober. And click on the 'quit drinking' link above to get more information around that.
At the end of the day though it boils down to making a choice ... are you going to use your circumstances as an excuse to keep drinking ... or are you going to rise above that and do whatever it takes to turn your life around? There are treatment programs out there that can help you, but you need to take those first steps.
Then once you're sober and feeling better about yourself you can go back to your boyfriend and try and find some form of middle-ground regarding his mother. And if he refuses to budge and your relationship with his mother doesn't improve (which may well happen if you're sober) - then you need to decide if staying in that environment is best for you and your kids.
But making that decision while you're still drinking and in the mental space you're in is not the time to do it. Get your life sorted first, and then deal with the rest. You can get through this and you don't have to do it alone ... but it's up to you to initiate things and take those 1st steps to getting the help you need.
Take Care and Good Luck.
P.S. It may also be worth your while to get yourself Addiction Uncovered
which lays out a plan of exactly what you need to do to get sober and turn your life around. If you're serious about making changes, this book will help you do that.