Hurt , Betrayed and Ready to Bail ... How My Husband Has Been Lying for More Than 3 Years About Overcoming His Alcoholism and Addiction
I just found out a couple of weeks ago that the entire three years my husband and I have been together has been based on lies.
I told him 6 months into dating that I couldn't live with an addict/alcoholic and he "got help" and overcame. Praise rained down from the heavens from me! He changed his life! I couldn't believe he did it!
How AWESOME! ... only to find out a week after we were married that he had been drinking and doing drugs the whole time - lying to me about where he was, what he was doing and who he was with ... AND he took my praise with a smile on his face and told me how wonderful I was for supporting him.
He Completely used my trust knowing what he was doing was wrong. I feel so empty. We have only been married three weeks now and I'm ready to leave. I feel like everything we built our relationship on was false. Lies.
Where do I go now? Is there any salvaging this mess? He started going to therapy, but it feels like too little too late. I'm still bleeding from this horrible chain of events. I have zero trust for him and to do something like this he would have to have no respect for me.
Any thought ... advice ... is welcome and helpful. Thanks!
All solid and strong relationships are based on a foundation of trust and mutual respect. It's easy to say one loves a person, but ultimately how we ACT and the things we do, show how much we really care about someone.
So the fact that your husband was able to lie to you for so long obviously says a lot, especially about his character and the kind of person he is. Someone who is able to live a lie and a life of deception for that long, is not someone you're ever likely to be able to trust completely again. And without trust, you have nothing in a relationship.
That's not to say your husband can't change. People do. But when trust has been broken to the extent it has - can it ever be completely repaired? You need to ask yourself that. Maybe it's something you could get over if your husband really does change and shows you in time that he has become trustworthy.
Personally, it's not something I could get over. But you may be different. So it's something you really need to think about - can you ever see yourself being happy and totally trusting your husband again?
You may want to give your husband a final chance - with the understanding he commits to totally turning his life around by doing what it necessary to overcome his addictions and never lies to you again.
Or you may feel it's easier to leave and deal with the pain and disappointment now - rather than run the risk of being let down again in future when it's going to be even harder to leave?
Be honest with yourself. Think what will most likely lead to happiness for you in the long-term? Seek out friends and family for their advice and support - but most importantly listen to your own inner voice and intuition.
It won't be an easy decision, but trust yourself to make the right one.
Good Luck and God Bless