How To Confront My Son Whom I Think Is Addicted to Pain Pills?

I just found out today that my son may have an addiction to pain pills, but I'm not sure since he may be getting them for his wife whom I know has a problem. How do I approach him without scaring him off from listening or talking to me.

He had told a relative of mine that he knows if I found out I would lose it. His Father was a heroin addict and is now a long term Methadone addict. What do I do? My son is 27. I never thought he would ever do this and it is all that I have to not call him and confront him.

I know if I call him I will not say things he will want to hear and fear he will just hang up anyway. I want to wait till I can confront him in person. I don't feel I should just let it go, but what is the best way to approach this? Shocked~Mom

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

It's best to wait to speak to your son about your concerns until you can do so in person. Your message simply won't carry the necessary weight otherwise.

'Confrontation' is probably also not the right way to describe it, it's more a case of voicing your concerns from a place of absolute honesty and love. And the best way to do that is by telling your son what he needs to hear, not what he wants to hear.

Because when we really love someone we sometimes have to be brutally honest with them, not sugar-coat the issue out of fear of upsetting them or how they'll respond. And if your son is addicted to pain pills, he needs to know exactly how you feel about it and what your expectations of him going forward are - because anything less would be doing him a disservice as you wouldn't be holding him fully accountable.

That doesn't mean you have to rant and rave or get overly emotional. The best way to approach it is to speak to him from a place of love, but to do so in a calm and controlled manner. Because if you do get really upset or angry, he's simply going to get defensive and so your words will then lose all their power.

Tell him that you'll support him in getting professional help for his pain pills addiction, but that he is ultimately responsible for the choices he makes and so it's up to him to make the changes he needs to. Make sure that you also don't enable him any way, especially financially, because he needs to learn from his mistakes and that poor choices come with undesirable consequences.

Then it really is up to him. You can't change him. He has to do it for himself. But by being open, honest and holding your son accountable, he has the best chance of ultimately making the changes he needs to.

All the Best

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