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How To Change My Son's Mind About Drugs??

My son at 17 started smoking pot. We talked but he never listened. At 19 he was stopped by Police, and was found to be DUI by alcohol. Six months later DUI for pot. He is on probation for one year and a pee test at least once a week for pot. He is now 20.

Now he is smoking synthetic pot. This is not detected in the pee. I have talked to him. I have sent him to a drug councillors. No luck. I have told him " no more legal help". I have done the cell phone dis-connect and the computer turn off. We have even talked about him getting out of my house. I give him every chance to change.

My wife and 17 year old Daughter want me to make a stand. My only card left is to kick him out of the house. I really don't want to do that. Do I throw him out on the street and maybe never see him again, or know he is safe in my house every night even though he is using? Answer

It's very difficult to change someone's mind when they don't want their mind to be changed. People only change when they're ready to and want to do so for themselves. So when it comes to your son, he'll probably only be ready to do something about his smoking pot and drinking, once the consequences to keep using become more unpleasant than living the life he is now.

That's why it is so important to create consequences for his behavior, and if that fails, then you're not left with much else in the way of options other than to force him to start taking care of himself. Because if you don't, all you're doing is further enabling his behavior, and in effect giving him permission to keep carrying on as he is, since he knows there is nothing else you can do.

Part of being a parent is empowering your children to make their own choices and be accountable for the outcomes. So if they make bad choices they need to understand that its going to lead to unpleasant consequences. That's how we all learn.

So you need to have an adult like conversation with your son and explain to him that he's old enough to make his own decisions and you can no longer control what he does. But that if he wants to continue living at home there are certain guidelines he needs to abide by. Give him the choice and make it clear that if he doesn't, he can unfortunately no longer continue to live with you, because you can't condone his current choices.

Then he starts to learn what being held accountable is all about and hopefully it will lead him to re-evaluate how he's going about things. There are never any guarantees, but there is only so much you can do as a parent. Remember too this isn't just about you - if he's driving under the influence he's putting the lives of others at risk, so he needs to understand how serious what he's doing is.

Good Luck

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