How Do I Stop Worrying About My Son Relapsing from His Addictions? He's 21, An Adult and I Still Can't Let Go.
My son has been through three 28 day rehabs and has relapsed several times. His first rehab was for heroin use and after that he went to a halfway house. He used, then detoxed and went back to the halfway house.
He used again and detoxed and we agreed a 28 day program was right for him this time. He went through this program and then came home. He was doing fine for about 3 months. He then started drinking and using oxycontin. He got a DUI in March and since April has lost his job, started drinking heavily and passing out.
He passed out so hard that he fell and hurt his cyatic nerve. He went back to rehab, in pain with the cyatic nerve and stayed 28 days. He recently got out and is not living in a halfway house.
My husband and I are broke and he is using the last of his savings to pay for this house. I am always so afraid of getting a call that he has relapsed. How have people found peace? I worry all of the time and can't seem to stop. Any suggestions?
The way you find peace is through accepting you have no control over your son's destiny and his life will unfold as its meant to. You then make the decision to let go and take comfort in the fact you've done what you can to help your son and there is nothing left for you to do.
Because by constantly worrying about your son - you're not actually living your own life. So you have to start living your life again and doing the little things that make you happy and give you comfort. That way your mind is not always on what is happening with your son.
Examples of things that help are journalling (getting thoughts onto paper is a great release), going for regular walks and enjoying the moment, finding hobbies you enjoy to keep you busy, taking part in transformational practices like meditation or yoga, reading inspiring books.
It's about making time for you again - and the more you do that, the more you'll be able to let go and make peace with the fact that what happens to your son is out of your hands. Surrounding yourself with people who can offer support and understand what you're going through is also very beneficial - so groups like Al Anon and Naranon which is for family members of alcoholics and drugs addicts is something you should also look into.
Your son is now 21 and entirely responsible for the choices he makes. You can't make those choices for him anymore. I know it's not easy, but it's something you're going to have to learn to do for the sake of your own sanity and well-being. And the more you practice and try the easier it will get.
Good Luck and God Bless.