How Can I Calm My Mind?!
There is so much going on in my head every single day that I can't make it stop, focus on anything else, or even sleep at night. It's almost unbearable anymore, and I just need some peace.
I was completely clean for 6 months about 6 months ago. I began using Suboxone off and on, and am sure some of what's going on is probably mental withdrawal from that. Today is Day 2 being clean from everything (again), and I'm giving it my all to push a little further this time. This was so much easier in rehab.
I am constantly thinking about my ex. He was abusive as hell, and is currently in jail for attempted murder against his current girlfriend. Stabbed multiple times. She almost died.
Regardless of all the abuse I encountered I've never loved anyone like him. I dream about him. I think about him constantly replaying memories or stories in my head. I've even contemplated writing him without giving him my contact information just to let him know that I'm praying for him. What the fuck is wrong with me? It's been over 5 years.
I've been researching codependency, and I'm sure that's one of my problems. Just please tell me how to make it stop. I pray every night. I stay busy with work, school, and kids. I just need some peace and quiet.
Go back to doing what
worked when you were in rehab. Work your program. Give back. Get out of your head by focusing on your recovery.
Sometimes our minds go through phases where they just can't let go of something. Don't fight it, just watch what's happening. Become aware. Eventually it will pass.
There aren't always easy or quick fixes. Life isn't always smooth sailing. Maybe write him the letter to get everything you want to say out of your head and onto a piece of paper ... and then once you're done, burn it as symbol of cleansing and letting go.
But whatever you do, don't post it. There's a reason he's in jail, so making contact is the last thing you want to do. Sometimes though we have unresolved stuff from past relationships that we need to let go of, so writing the letter and burning it can help with that.
Activities and practices like yoga and meditation can also help, because they teach us how to let go and find peace amongst all the craziness. Look into that. Your mind is something you can learn to control and have working for you so you start making healthier and happier choices.
Groups like CoDA can also make a massive difference, so get involved, because co-dependency is a huge issue for many people who have been involved with addicts. This will pass and you'll get through it so hang in there. Good Luck