Help Me Help My Out of Control Alcoholic and Drug Addicted Brother
My brother is 24 years old and was just arrested for the 6th time for a alcohol related charge. He has had 2 public intoxications and was just arrested for his fourth DUI. This time he was in a accident and caused injuries. He was intoxicated and after rear ending a car, he fled the scene.
For the past few years we have thought he was just suffering a alcohol problem, but found out he has been doing several drugs. He has lost two very good jobs because of his addiction. Before he was arrested this last time, my mom and I got him to go to a local rehab facility. They did an evaluation on him and and decided to do a outpatient rehab.
He would go several times a week and attend AA meetings. After being sober for almost 2 weeks he decided to have a drink and is now in jail. He claims he doesn't remember a thing. We have tried to make him understand that he has caused harm to those he hit in the accident. He says he doesn't remember and won't talk about it anymore.
Every time he calls my mom he begs her to get him out and she tells him she is doing everything she can but she can't being herself to bail him out this time. She told him she is going to sell his truck to pay for attorney fees. All he could say was please don't sell my motorcycle.
It's like he doesn't care about anything and it is so hard to see my mom beating herself up and thinking she did something to cause all of this. With everything going on with him, all he could think about his stupid motorcyle? He doesn't realize the severity of everything that is going on.
My dad just gets mad and yells at him calling him a alcoholic and druggy and I know that doesn't help anything. I don't know what to do. How do we help him? How do I help my parents to understand? I can't stand to see my brother slowly killing himself and tearing my family apart.
The best way to help your brother now is to leave him in jail and sell his truck, so that the full consequences of his behavior can start to sink in. Because it's only once that happens and he starts to realise how serious what he's done actually is, will he start taking changing his life more seriously.
No one can help your brother until he's ready to help himself. And he clearly hasn't reached that stage yet. So the consequences of his drinking, drug using and general out of control behavior have obviously not gotten bad enough for him yet, for him to want to change.
It's sad that even though your brother hurt and injured other people, he's not prepared to man up for what he's done, and take responsibility. And until he does, he's never going to change.
So you need to tell your mother she's doing the right thing by forcing him to be held accountable for his actions. He got himself in this mess - and it's not like it's the first time - so he has to face up to whatever the consequences, no matter how severe.
And maybe you can have a serious heart to heart conversation with your brother and point out some hard truths, so that he actually starts looking 'inside' and gets honest about what he's become. Because until he gets honest and real about his alcoholism and addictions ... the way he's let himself and his family down ... the fact that he's injured and hurt other people - his life is just going to continue spiralling out of control.
The fact that he's still alive is a blessing, so now he should face up to his punishment, learn from his mistakes, and do whatever is necessary to turn his life around in the long run. Help is available once he's ready to get serious about making the changes he needs to, but until he reaches that point, there isn't much anyone can do for him.
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