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Heart Broken By A Recovering Addict

(Stamford, CT USA)

I fell in love with a wonderful man! One month into our relationship he told me that he's a recovering drug addict, most people would be scared but I listened, prayed with him and even attend meetings with him.

We have 6 months together and everything is going great until 2 weeks ago he dumped me!! I was crushed! I Cried! He wasn't the same person. He called 2 days later and apologized. He said he made a mistake.

We spoke for 1 week, we were good, we went to a meeting on that thursday and the friday he dumped me again. He's 45 years old, has 13 years of clean time, he goes to church and if he's out of town he'll find a meeting to go to.

I give him 100% support all the time, I love him and I'm in love with him. Why is he doing this to me? I would do anything for this man because I'm very proud of him and his accomplishments. Please help me to understand. Thanks for listening

God Bless


The only person that can help you understand is this man himself. Ask him to explain why he keeps breaking up with you and that he at least owes you an explanation considering you've spent 6 months together.

When it comes to relationships, there is no way to really know what someone's underlying motives are unless they tell you. So ask him.

The fact that he's got 13 years worth of clean time means he should no longer have any issues about being in a relationship. It's usually hard for addicts to form healthy relationships early in recovery because they've got so much stuff to process, and that's why it's usually recommended you don't enter into a new relationship for at least your first year.

But since that's no longer the case with this man - the only person who can really tell you 'why' is him. So speak to him and ask him to be honest so that you know, which will either allow you try and do something about it or move on.

But don't hold on if it's clear he can't commit to you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It's better to deal with the pain now and seek happiness with someone else, than prolong and hold onto something that will just lead to continuous pain and heartache.

Good Luck and God Bless

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Feb 03, 2011
Heart Broken By A Recoving Addict
by: Anonymous

Hi Thanks for your encouraging words.We got back together after a few weeks. We had a great summer! great holiday season! great birthdays!(we share the same birthday month). We spend new years together we went to church, we went to a meeting after and we were good.
Things were going so well, He would come home from work and call me i would listen to all the problems that he had at work! I make sure he's well taken care of. He call me say he miss me , he loves me, he want to be with me. We sat down we spoke and i can tell you he's very scared!!
He doesn't want anyone to take away what he has worked so hard for. I reassure him that i'm not like that! but he's still scared!! i compliment him, i take him out to make him feel special as he do for me.
He's a great man but he's confused, insecure about alot of things, he thinks i'm going to leave him but that's not the case. I love him !! I'm inlove with him!!. It's january he's the one that broke up with me! The relationship was going so great but he can't commit so he run away!! How do i get through to him? I want him to be better!! And know that love is a wonderful thing!! I pray for him daily that God would strenghten him and give him the courage to accept love.
Thanks For Listening!!

Jul 10, 2010
This happened to me too
by: Anonymous

Heart Broken - I feel your pain. My ex-boyfriend (sober 8 years) dumped me after two months of what seemed to be a great relationship. My ex recently came back for 2 weeks and now has disappeared saying he's in a bad place lately. I don't know what that is supposed to mean.

It feels like they (yours and mine) want to face their demons alone. I, for one, am going to respect his space. However, should he decide to contact me again, I will be sure to ask WHY. I gave him time to address it "later" and now he's fled again. I feel we both deserve to know why.

Lastly, I have been attending meetings myself. It has really helped to keep focused on what I need. With my needs in perspective, I will give only as much of myself as I am able to without being hurt should he pull a disappearing act. I also ask myself whether or not I can have a future with someone who keeps leaving. We can love them and release them.

If I had to guess, my gut tells me that my guy is not feeling well, tempted to use and wants to confront that without bringing me into the mix. Perhaps your ex is trying to spare you his pain.

Peace to you...

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