Enablers At An Early Age

by Chad H
(Danielson, CT)

I am sitting here watching my life partner(fiancé) and she caters to his every need. He is ten years old. He is not my biological child. I have been living with them 7+ years and I have witnessed all.

I am not his Father so therefore I can only do so much. The amount of abuse he projects on her could be classified as horribly disgusting. The problem is that she has become so used to it, there is nothing that will change her mind, no matter what aanybody says, especially me. It actually inflames the situation if I do say anything.

The point I am getting out, is this goes hand in hand enabling people with addiction. It is actually one of the worst things you can do to an addict. You think they are helping, but all you are doing is prolonging the addiction and the problem.

The thing to do when asked for money etc, is to just say NO and cut them off, say that you love them, but bottom-line is NOOOOO. It will be painful, I know from hardcore experience.

I believe, from what I witness on a daily basis (no drugs YET), the parents especially single parent mothers with overbearing sons, are the beginning to the madness and I believe they have no idea what the future will provide.

Most of these kids will have problems with substance in one form or another. As parents we need to learn to put our foot down and learn to say no and punish first hand. Believe me I know ... this has been going on in my family long enough.

To wrap this up, ENABLING is one of the worst courses of action a family can take when they are trying to help an addict. This concludes Part One. There will be more to follow starting tomorrow. Sincerely, Chad