Do I Have a Problem and Need to Seek Help?
by very fearfull
To start I have been attending a self help group for people who have been with addicts or around them to figure out why and to deal with the issues that come with that.
But while starting to dig in to my past found out things I have hidden or repressed. So to start I guess with my life, the 1st time I drank I was able to drink a large amount and not get sick, and loved the feeling at early age.
To skip forward a few years and lots of drinks later when the real issue started. I had the death of someone really close to me 20 years ago and through reflection of the last 20 years I have relized the things that I have done I might have a problem.
But the first 3 years after the death I had drank heavily most days and the days I couldn't drink I would take nyquel and an otc sinus pill to help me sleep. This continued for awhile, and when I drank I would drink beer during the week 6-12 a day then on weekends about a fifth of bourban a night.
After several years of this I did stop drinking all the time but I still would go through spells of drinking then being sober, but as I look back I still would take something to make me sleep.
Now to bring up the last 4 years I was very unhappy and started to take loratab cause of aches and pains but started taking more not more than 4 a day. But found that while taking the medication which was not mine I didn't have the urges to drink.
Then through wear and tear of my body over the years my doctor prescibed me loratab, he doesnt know the past because i didnt tell, but it was only a small does 2 a day which I have followed.
So last 3 years I have taken mainly 2 a day on rare occasions, maybe a half more. But now I have come to see that when I try to stop the few times I have withdrawal symptoms and those times I would try to drink to just get some sleep - and next morning know that wasn't worth it.
So now I just take 2 a day but deep down I know that I am taking them to just make sure I don't have withdrawals, and I know as long as I take them I can go without drinking.
My fear is that I am addicted and just substituting one for the other. And after attending these meetings I am become afraid that I am getting close to a point of the control being gone. So to my question does everyone feel it is time to admit this and get help?
The fact that you're on here asking the question about whether you have a problem, is a telling sign in itself. So rather than trying to rationalise this, accept you have a problem (which is always the hardest part), and then seek professional help to get it addressed.
Many people aren't 'obviously' addicts, i.e. they're still pretty functional and their addiction hasn't entirely consumed them yet like with a full-blown heroin addict for example. But that doesn't mean there isn't a genuine addiction problem ... or that it isn't developing.
So the best time for you to get this sorted is now. Why wait? The fact that it concerns you and that you're becoming more and more dependent means that the sooner you deal with this, the better.
The fact that you're fearful and that your using is causing you emotional strain is all the evidence you need to decide you should be doing something and seeking out professional help.
People who don't have a problem don't tend to doubt themselves the way you're doing, because deep down those of us who have a problem know it to be true. Get help. Make the changes you need to make. You won't regret it.