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Depressed Alcoholic at 21

I'm a 21 year old female and I am an alcoholic. I started to drink at the age of 11. I am European - that's why I had easy access to alcohol. As it goes to a family background - none of my parents are alcoholics.

I have a brother who is a drug addict and an alcoholic. He destroyed my family financially and mentally. I came to the states to get away from him and start a new life. I was 16 at that time. Depressed, a drug addict and I had a drinking problem.

I am clean on drugs now for the past 4 years. I hate them. I wouldn't take them even if I was paid to. I'm a party girl. I was shy when I was young, I was fat and ugly and didn't have too many friends. It turned out I grew up to be a very good looking girl (not being cocky).

Alcohol has helped me overcome my shyness and be the center of attention, which I loved. I would drink at home alone. I would drink 6 of 7 nights of a week. I would leave myself a Monday to recover from the weekend. Which I would usually spend lying as a ''vegetable'' in front of the TV and feeding myself because I would usually not eat over a weekend.

I have done so many things that I regret over those years and they are hunting me. As if you would look at me not knowing all those fact about me you would see a good looking 21 years old woman who has a great job, is reasonable, wise, respectful. I live with my boyfriend who is also an alcoholic. I have never been so happy in my live and felt so loved.

But yes we do drink on daily basis. As a child I was very scared of my imagination. I would see things that weren't there. Until this day I am afraid of the dark. My past, things I've done, thing I see (which aren't there), million thoughts for a second ARE driving me crazy.

I'm only happy when I am with my boyfriend because I feel safe. I don't know what to do. I can not afford a psychiatrist. I don't know how to quit drinking or whether I want to quit. I have so many things going on in my head. My family, my struggling with bills. It's all so overwhelming. Seriously I know I'm a tough case. But please .... any advice???

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No one can do it alone
by: Anonymous

I'm a recovering alcoholic of 13 years and I remember feeling much like you-alone,fearful and full of regret.Feeling I wouldn't be able to live my life without alcohol I failed in my first 2 attempts in recovery and then finally I got really and truly honest with myself for the first time in my life,not for the sake of anyone else but for me alone.Going to and really involving myself in AA after rehab helped me to find a true path in life and not the one predicated on my use of alcohol.The next time you think of drinking,instead of immediately thinking of all the great times,take that moment to remember the bad times your choice to drink has caused you.Practise that and it will help you because it only takes a miilisecond to make the wrong decision for an alcoholic.Reach out to someone in the recovery community.You are not a tough case,you just maybe think that way because of your addiction.I know I did.Others can help you find hope when you think there isn't any left for you.Please reach out.Your life is just as important as anyones.You'll be in my thoughts and please take care of yourself.God bless.

I get it, same problem here
by: Anonymous

I started drinking when I was 12. I'm 37 now n don't see myself stopping. I have a great husband, he's a truck driver n gone all the time, so I drink all the time. He hates that I drink but he's pretty much given up on me changing. He doesn't drink at all. Before I meet my husband I had a boyfriend who I met when I was 16 we drank to together like u n your boyfriend, he tried to quite but he couldn't I found him dead when I was 26. I had gone to visit my grandparents for Sunday brunch, my boyfriend drank a liter of vodka(not unusual for him) fell and hit his head.
Despite all these things I feel exactly like u I am in the same situation. I want help but don't have money n the programs I tried never helped. I was sober for 3 years when my husbands trucking company was making good money and he worked from home so I was happy n in love and there was no alcohol issue. Now, he's away n I drink everyday until I pass out n my bed.

Get Help
by: C-P

There are people out there who can help you - seek out professional help. It doesn't need to be expensive Psychiatrists. You've got your whole life ahead of you, so do something about your alcoholism and depression now. Don't wait. Start with an Addictions Counselor - that should be affordable and they should be able to point you in the right direction. If you can get into an addiction treatment program, even better. Because they'll be able to help you with your depression and alcoholism. And there are programs the government subsidizes - you just have to do your research to find them. Here's a link you can try as a start. Then there are also 12 step programs like AA that don't cost a cent and that have helped millions. So don't give up. If you seek out help you'll find out. Make the decision today that you're going to do what it takes, and you'll find a way. You can do this! Good Luck

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