Could My Son Be a Drug Addict? He's Disappeared and Not Sure Why ...

I am very concerned. My son, 32 years old, has lost his job several times but he would always find a new one. In the last year or two he would go to work trying to establish some company that would pay later. However, nothing ever happened.

Now, I am not sure that he works at all. All his mail is being sent to our home address. Banks and the Collecting agency have started calling here as well. I've opened his mail to find out what is going on as I couldn't talk to him.

I know he maxed his credit cards, his apartment was taken by the bank and sold, now he is not even paying his car loan, didn't pay his medical, phone...

At the beginning I thought he was spending money on travel and clothes. I thought that he was having difficulty managing his own money. I realized he lost control but I could not do anything. I have tried to talk to him. He would not take any advice, claiming that he will take care of his finance on his own.

He pretended once that he'll go to counseling to deal with his spending addiction and made an appointment to straighten his finances. However, I later found out that he lied and never went there. As he doesn't live at home we see each other just when he wants to.

Now, for a month he has not come home. He doesn't respond to e-mails or phone messages. I am very worried about him. He is hiding and is not able to face whatever it is.

A month ago I saw him for the last time. When I do hear from him he claims that he will come home but never shows up. Today I begged him to let me know where he is. I want to see him and help him. I told him that I love him and MUST see him. He did not respond. He may be in the hospital, in prison, on the street ... What is my right regarding my son?

I am his mother, very worried and I don't know what to do. Would the police respond to my request to find him or should I hire a private investigator?

Thank you in advance.

Kindly,

D.

Answer

Hi D

Your son has obviously managed to get himself into serious financial difficulty, but you don't say, or aren't yourself sure whether that's from a drug addiction or inability to deal with money responsibly?

So it could mean your son is on the streets somewhere feeding his addiction ... or hiding from the mess he's gotten himself into, which may involve someone specifically he owes money to and would rather not have to face for fear of the possible recriminations.

The only way this situation is ever going to be resolved is if your son takes responsibility for the position he's landed himself in, and then undertakes whatever remedial action necessary for him to change. But if we don't know the exact problem we're dealing with, it's difficult to offer an appropriate course of action.

The key thing here is that you need to remember your son is 32 and totally responsible for the choices he makes ... so however it is you want to help him, unless he's ready to help himself, he'll just end up going down the same road again.

The only way we learn from our mistakes and actions - is by being held accountable for them. So the best way for you to help your son, is ensuring that happens. Otherwise the cycle simply continues.

I know you're desperate to find your son, but if he really doesn't want to be found, it's going to be tough. He seems scared. Maybe there's good reason for that so it's best he stay hidden. We don't know because we don't know why he's hiding.

The best thing to do is encourage him to at least stay in touch with you more often when he calls just to let you know he's okay. Hopefully then when he's ready - he'll tell you where he is and what's really going on.

There's no harm in going to the police and asking if they could help. Tell them you're worried and scared and see what advice they offer. I know as his Mom you want to do everything possible to help him, but there is only so much you can do. Your son has to want help first.

I really hope you find your son and that everything gets resolved. Please keep us posted and let us know what happens. God Bless.

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