Can't Get Off The Merry Go Round!!! My Husband and His Alcoholism

by csw
(GA)

I have been going round and round on the same merry go round for over 25 years now ... always believing things will get better!

Recently I feel I am missing life ... standing on the outside and looking in at a very lonely sad person (me). I will be turning 50 this year and maybe that is why I am so eager to make a change?

I am a member of Al-Anon and try to work the steps on a daily basis. My husband is a 3rd generation or more alcoholic. He is not a bad person - just very sick with the disease, hates himself and blames everyone and thing for what has become of his life.

He will go to AA for a week or so and still drink when he gets frustrated. We have no relationship or fun. I feel I am being selfish! I never know from morning to night how he will be. Try to make plans and they turn out disastrous.

He is a habitual offender ... on probation and has no license but continues to drink and drive, drink and work ... it is embarrassing. He does electrical work and I am scared he will really mess up on some ones wiring - it could cause a fire or many other problems and he is not licensed but tells everyone he is an electrician?

Talks to himself, makes comments out loud and swears he doesn't?? Really bad attitude and worse when he drinks.

I sit alone in my chair every night - he wants supper and then goes to bed (passes out) and gets up and pretends nothing occurred the night before. I try to talk to him and will not talk just say why bring up something to argue about!

I have been dominated ruled and suppressed for many years now and want out!!! but feel guilty? Have 3 children and they see it. I feel it is a bad example to set for them.

I don't want to leave my house because I pay for everything. He won't leave because he needs me to support him. He works hard but does not charge very much for his work - why I don't know thinks it will come back to him some day.

Makes enough to buy his drink, gas and some supplies. If I go on vacation he calls and cries - tells me how much he misses me and wants me to come home. I get home and he ignores me and and acts out.

Try to plan a date night get all excited and he shows up drunk - and then can't understand why I still don't wan to go out. I stay stressed and upset most of the time. I sound crazy!!! Need advice or help to get off the is merry go round.