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Can't Get Off The Merry Go Round!!! My Husband and His Alcoholism

by csw

I have been going round and round on the same merry go round for over 25 years now ... always believing things will get better!

Recently I feel I am missing life ... standing on the outside and looking in at a very lonely sad person (me). I will be turning 50 this year and maybe that is why I am so eager to make a change?

I am a member of Al-Anon and try to work the steps on a daily basis. My husband is a 3rd generation or more alcoholic. He is not a bad person - just very sick with the disease, hates himself and blames everyone and thing for what has become of his life.

He will go to AA for a week or so and still drink when he gets frustrated. We have no relationship or fun. I feel I am being selfish! I never know from morning to night how he will be. Try to make plans and they turn out disastrous.

He is a habitual offender ... on probation and has no license but continues to drink and drive, drink and work ... it is embarrassing. He does electrical work and I am scared he will really mess up on some ones wiring - it could cause a fire or many other problems and he is not licensed but tells everyone he is an electrician?

Talks to himself, makes comments out loud and swears he doesn't?? Really bad attitude and worse when he drinks.

I sit alone in my chair every night - he wants supper and then goes to bed (passes out) and gets up and pretends nothing occurred the night before. I try to talk to him and will not talk just say why bring up something to argue about!

I have been dominated ruled and suppressed for many years now and want out!!! but feel guilty? Have 3 children and they see it. I feel it is a bad example to set for them.

I don't want to leave my house because I pay for everything. He won't leave because he needs me to support him. He works hard but does not charge very much for his work - why I don't know thinks it will come back to him some day.

Makes enough to buy his drink, gas and some supplies. If I go on vacation he calls and cries - tells me how much he misses me and wants me to come home. I get home and he ignores me and and acts out.

Try to plan a date night get all excited and he shows up drunk - and then can't understand why I still don't wan to go out. I stay stressed and upset most of the time. I sound crazy!!! Need advice or help to get off the is merry go round.

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Aug 27, 2012
by: Scott

Your situation is very sad, and it is terrible. I am an alcholic and admit it. As an alcholic you don't really see how it effects those around you, you dwell on your next drink and that is it. You might love and care about those dear to you, but it is all out the window until you get that next drink or 10. I must have crushed 3 long term relationships because they got sick of my drinking. your husband has to fess up to the fact he has a problem. Only he can change his ways and move past it. Nobody can make an alcholic get sober, that person has to see how it has damaged their life. Good luck, and dont blame yourself.

Jun 20, 2012
Knowing When Enough Is Enough.....
by: Adina K, Israel

From the bottom of my heart, I urge you to leave- NOW!
Your children surely are suffering(in ways you likely have NO idea about) living in a battleground and dysfunctional home, and they are likely so scarred and scared they do not recognize up or down anymore. By staying, you also set a very poor example, an example of someone unwilling to protect their emotional and physical well being too.
Moreover, what example does it set for a mother to tolerate such an irrational and unfulfilled life, after all, is this all they too have to look forward to?
I speak from experience, but not from within my own house, but from within my brother's, a man I love dearly, but who is deeply sick, just like your husband.
Please read at this site, 'My Brother Is A Chronic Alcoholic:His Wife Is His Chief Enabler. What Can Be Done?'. Most importantly, by staying with him you are aiding him in his drinking, whether you realize it or not. After all, if he has a family to come home to, a home, food and a place to vent his rage, why in hell should he stop drinking, he has what HE wants!
Also, how will you feel if he drives drunk with your kids in tow, or even alone (while living under your roof) and kills somebody? I have written extensively on this subject. I implore you to google-'Alcoholism:The Wreckage In Its Wake', as well as 'Teenage Murders Shock Israelis.What Can Be Done?'
You need to have the courage, and honestly, to place yourself and your children first. You surely don't want to wake up at 60, and see that another ! decade of your life was lived in such a depressing and destructive manner.
Either way he, and he alone, is responsible for his sickness. IF he asks for a hand to guide him into in-patient treatment (not out-patient, it is just a band aid for someone like him) then of course helping him is the right thing to do.Nevertheless, until he can demonstrate a total commitment to a sober life it is NOT your job to fix him.Hope this helps and good luck!

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