Andrew's Alcoholism Story: My Journey From Drinking Heavily to Finding Recovery
Hi All. I'M 46 Years Old a married husband for the secong Time and have 3 children from my first marriage and 2 children from my second -
I started drinking during my mid teens and from the first time I drank I loved it.
I carried on drinking heavily most of my Life. I seemed never to drink just one or two but rather drink always to to get drunk. As time wore on I needed more and more frequently to get drunker. I was always aware even from my early drinking days that my drinking was related to all things bad in my life including underachieving in work, as a father, as a husband, sports, frienships and endless other parts of my life.
I tried many times to cut back and at times even thought of quitting. I could achieve neither.
Drinking had permeated every part of my existence and I just could not see how I could do life without it, even though I thought deep down I could actually be living a better life, or rather there was something and something big deep inside me missing. I suffered from depression badly and had a breakdown at age 38, where I was clinically depressed.
I was never truthful with my Counsellers or Doctor when questioned on how much I drank. For years I was prescibed a number of different types of anti depressants never admitting to my Doctor how much I continued to drink.
I was told to not drink on the medication which somehow prompted me to drink more resulting in frequent hallucinations when medication was combined with heavy spirits. Ironically my life on the outside appeared almost above average with a Career in Construction Project Management, a beatiful home, great kids, fantastic wife, boat in the driveway and yearly overseas travel.
During my Life I had achieved much and lost lots and all of a sudden at at age 43 I woke up to find I had eventually lost everything - family, job, money, a place to live, my dignity and my self respect - so that I think I realised I really needed to somehow get real and finally get help to deal with my drinking.
In retrospect I
think I finally surrended realising I had to change the way I was doing Life and as impossible as it seemed at the time I just had to stop drinking.
I went to my first AA meeting over 2 years and 4 months ago, since then I have attended 3-4 meetings a week which I continue to do. I have completed the 12 Steps programme and Today I am sober and have been since I joined AA.
I have my loving Family back and I'm really starting to Live the Life I could have only hoped and dreamed for by actually seeking guidance from the God of my understanding ( Before AA I had my turn at running my life and really made a hash of it ). I got to learn in AA exactly what the root of my problems were in me and the Booze was really but the Symptom.
I've learnt how misguided I had become in the use of my Social and Security and Sex extincts manefesting in a grossly self-centred and selfish attitude to life.
I've learnt a huge lesson on Acceptance that is accepting absolutely the ways things are and in saying that actually not a lot around me has changed and Life is still serving up the same amount of crap it always has. It been absolutely through changes within me with that I can respond the way I do to Life today.
I think one has to be completely honest in the Self appraisal/self-examination process of the Steps to achieve the optimum results. Sobriety today is awesome especially for an Alchoholic like me but nothing surpasses the Growing periods of Calmness and Peace of Mind I have begun to experience.
AA may not work for all or some but Im sure without AA I'd still be living a Miserable un-usefull life.
I'm really not sure how it works and its often hard to descibe the feelings of Change I experience to others new in the programme, so I try to always say dont wait for you to change to do the steps, do the steps to change.
So Thank you to AA and To God. And Thank you to you for allowing me to share my Story.