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Adoring Mother of 3 Heroin Addicts Who Are Now In Recovery

by Ellen
(Chester, NH. USA)

Hello, I am a married 46 year old mother with 3 sons (29,27,25) who all became heroin addicts. I have pulled two of my sons from places no one should ever visit. I was amazed at the number of their friends mom's who did heroin with them!

I chased them around for years, took them to court to get detox orders, admitted them to hospitals, hit them, threw them out, ignored them. You name it I've done it. We sold our home and moved to a bordering state to save them from themselves.

I wanted to die it was my last request every night please don't let me wake up. I was destroyed watching my sons kill themselves daily. Two have done short times in jails, they have stole so much it's to much to mention.

Their relationship with their dad was destroyed. Now it's on the mend and so are they. My 29 year old is working towards sobriety but not all the way there yet. My 27 year old moved to the West Coast 3/23/2008 and has been sober since! My 25 year old is still at home and also sober.

How did this happen? Why did they choose to numb themselves? Was it us, the parents they hated? Will they ever recover? I always tell them LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TODAY TO STAY SOBER BECAUSE I LOVE YOU ALL THE OTHER DAYS. I tell them they are good people that had a bad problem. They are not bad people.

Things are looking up but my 29 year old has been using different drugs since he was 15! So it has been a long road. The

heroin came into use about 6 years ago. Today I can smile but I always worry will this be the day. I had come to terms with the following, one will die and one will go to prison for the rest of his life. Not something any parent should be comfortable knowing.

My son's are bright, good looking, intelligent and have impeccable manners. They are heroin addicts. I love them and want to take all their pain away but I can't so I listen to them and hug them. I let them know they are my greatest gifts. They are always first no matter what.

Their addiction made me look at the world differently. My son once told me in a fit of anger during a fight "mom when the teacher went around the room in second grade and asked what we wanted to be, "I did not raise my hand and say an addict".

I couldn't breathe. My husband, their father was no help at all. One of my sons tried to kill himself more than once. He OD multiple times. My husband loathed him and it made me sick. I hated everyone, myself the most. I tried to kill myself but was not gutsy enough.

So now 3/30/10 I sit here happy, loving my sons, loving their sobriety and loving 2 new grandchildren. So if there is one piece of advise I can give, chase them around, call the cops on the dealers, go to court to get detox orders if you have to. I was everywhere, I called all the dealers I didn't care my first priority was to save my sons. I have succeeded!

Comments for Adoring Mother of 3 Heroin Addicts Who Are Now In Recovery

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thanks for your comments
by: Anonymous

Hey, I also used to think junkies were born into bad homes. Throughout the last 20 years, following one son's career, I met some really wealthy people, married long term, with no apparent addictions of their own, just about rip themselves apart over their young daughter who was gripped with the lifestyle, at 13. One thing helped them - they shipped their daughter to British Columbia, where an aunt lived in the isolation of mountains, but she ran away from there, came back, and they shipped her again. I lost track after that. I hope they made it. I have 2 university degrees, and got them at age 44-51. 2 of my kids are high school drop outs. The pedophile is making a killing in Montreal, and well-respected. I had to get the cops in Montreal to ensure his wife who just had a baby, knew of his past - to protect my grandson. In response, my son sent me a threatening email to never contact him or anyone he knows, or he'd pursue legal options (there are none, but I know that only because I studied law for 7 long years). I could pursue visitation rights, but that means I am getting into a different round of dysfunction - all my kids have to say is the grand kid is sick, or just not be home, and back in court we go "forever". Its not easy to lose a child. I had to give up my offending son who abused my daughter from 3-5, he was 13-15 and his record is "sealed" compliments of our Canadian justice system. Anyways, I am trying to figure out how to permanently exist with no family at all, and might go back to Al-Anon where broken souls like me belong. There is a benefit in circulating among those with the same misery, at least it validates us, though my story is unique, in the sense that I have 2 addicts and 1 pedophile (just try to explain that to a potential new boyfriend with kids), but I thank my Higher Power that my IQ is relatively high and the studies I did helped me to cope with the isolation. I am cycling now, getting fit, and thinking of what else I might get into, now that I am officially newly retired.

All the best to us all. I hope there is a special section in Heaven reserved for us, as we already went to hell and back, and lived to tell.

Motherhood for me, was a "crock of shit" - there's been ZERO rewards once my hits hit puberty.........argggg

Oh well, I still have my sense of humour - today

Motherless lady in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

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Comment to Mother of 2 addicts and 1 pedophile
by: Theresa

I feel for you, and at 58 you are right, you deserve some peace of mind. I, like you, have nightmares about my son's death and the police knocking on my door. I didn't raise my son to think he didn't have to take responsibility for his actions. I raised him with what I thought was a good example. I work, pay my bills, respect others, attend church and believe in the Bible. I raised him with morals, rules, a stable home and love. He chose after high school to get mixed up with the wrong crowd, started drinking, then smoking pot then pills, then on to the cream of the crop heroine. He has been in and out of rehab, lived in shelters worked off and on and is trying to get himself straightened up. I can't do it for him, I can't invite him to live with me, that would be the worst thing for him. If he had me at his side to cook and clean he would not lift a finger to help himself. Even though when he was growing up he had chores and I was strict about not giving him money for nothing. He had to work for it and I always told him I wouldn't always be around and he had to make a life for himself and work for what he wanted. Choices. Life is all about choices. I used to think drug addicts were a product of loose parenting or a broken home. But now I don't think that is always the case. This has taken a serious toll on me. I lose sleep, worry that he might be hungry, cold, or hurt. I have visions of him dying in some dirty room with a needle stuck in his arm. This is not the same bright eyed, happy imaginintive child I raised. I hope to meet the person I know he is deep inside someday. Will I? Lord only knows. You keep your head up and get through this life however you can. Just know you are not alone. God Bless!!

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Mom of 2 addicts and 1 pedophile
by: Anonymous

After 20+ years of pain, 3 years of Al-Anon, being permitted to see my grand kids, off and on, depending on my addicted children's "moods", not having even met ONE grandson (and he's over 2 years old), having worked all my life to make sure my kids were ok, preaching to them against the evils of drugs and alcohol as they were growing up, dragging them to Al-A-Teen, getting 3 years of one-on-one therapy for myself, getting 2 university degrees myself post 40 years old, and having my entire family pick sides as to whose fault all this was (mine, of course), I have given up, written off my kids (2 of which don't speak to me anyways lately - and I only found out they booted me out of their lives when they stopped responding to my odd voicemail), and my siblings refusing to tell me where one of them lived, and so did her teen daughter, nightmares of my kids dead or the cops going to be coming to knock on my door any day to announce their death, I have finally, at age 58, decided to HELL with them, I am entitled to a peaceful last leg in my life, and will no longer speak to any of them, ever. I just don't know how others in my shoes get over losing all their children, so thought I'd check things out on the Net, and found this forum.

Thanks for listening

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what do i do..
by: helpless in berlin

hello mother of 3 sons. i read your pages and feel you so . my daughter who is now 23 and i went through a great trauma when my exhusband ripped her out of my arms here in berlin on bogus charges of kidnapping.she was 3 then. i came back to the staates only to be arrested. after being realeased from jail i went back to my xhusband to be near my daughter. i slept on their couch for 3 years and then, couldnt take it anymore. i always stayed closed by. he tormented her emotionally, scarred her telling he will send her away.almost to years ago i went back to berlin and tried to stay in touch with her but never got a response other then: mom, can you send me 20 -30 dollars. thats when i realized something is of. i ask her straight out what are you on? she said..heroin. my world collapsed. that was now in march of 2011. she has been smoking it for 3 years now. in march she was in detox and was supposed to come straight to germany. i even managed to call the ambassador getting her passport issued earlier. but no..my exhusband interfeered once again.i dont know what to do..i am in such pain. i want my child that i wasnt allowed to raise. she has not finished school..is a drugaddict. why are such men allowed to take your child.she lives in his dirty house with no future. he is 71 one years old today and literally waiting to die but will not surrender her to me. what do i do? i am not rich to just fly over and stay to seek help. what do i do`? thank you.

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Iv'e been there
by: joan

To the mother of three(3) I know your pain, I have been there my situation is one son and he is now 42 and in a shelter. I prayed, I took him in many times. I hope to meet more mothers, I also attend Al-anon whatever works. We have no control over the drug. Joamie

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Afraid to hope.
by: Anonymous

My son is 24. He told me last year of his heroin addiction, put himself into treatment, relapsed twice. He lives about 20 minutes from me and I don't see him as much as I would like. He was living in a "sober house" up until 2 weeks ago. I got a call last night from him. He has relapsed again and is back in rehab, for a short time. He hopes a letter written to the rehab manager will allow him another stay. He has been staying in a mens shelter and I didn't even know. I thought he had just been too busy working and going to meetings to call. I feel so helpless and have no one to talk to. I feel so scared and alone. If I could I would save him from this poison, but I can't. I hope your sons stay sober good luck to you and God Bless...

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Great Job
by: Donna

Way to go mom. I've been through it as well. My daughter is 20 and has been through boarding school 18 months, run away, jail,rehab halfway house. She just moved back in about a month ago and tonight I was woke to my son screaming for me. He opened the bathroom to find his sister on the floor with a needle in her arm. I feel dead and very mixed with what to do now. She says she doesn't want to get high after this night but what's next. The group stuff I don't trust anymore, and being very articulate and well skilled in boarding school, people want to trust her. Hell, I want to trust her. How can I trust her again, I love her with everything in me and want the best if only she wanted the best for herself. What am I missing or what is she missing. I'm leaning toward private consoling home contract with consequences if she wants to live she'll cooperate and take the steps to rebuild trust with us.

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your a great mum
by: Anonymous

Your sons are really lucky to have you. Most families just wipe their hands of us junkies.
I cant believe you rang the cops on dealers you are really brave. Dont ever hate yourself I think you are a hero. Nelly

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Sweat
by: Denise krochta

Hi:
I have lived surrounded with addiction and alcoholism much of my adult life. My brother was an alcoholic and cocaine addict, who died at the age of 40. My brother in law was a heroin addict and, after 15 years of sobriety, died from addiction to oxycontin.
There is more alcoholism still in the family. When I discovered that my 18 year old son was a heroin/oxycontin addict, you can imagine my desperation! I did all the following, yelling, cleaning up, that all of us moms do but by some miracle I learned to live surrounded by this chaos and have a good, serene life.
I hope you will check out the "plan" I developed for myself in my book "Sweat: A Practical Plan for Keeping Your Heart Intact While Loving an Addict". There are lots of tools to choose from. I found that I could love my addicts, support them emotionally, lovingly and still stay centered and relatively speaking, serene. There is always some sadness, but I am relieved of the misery.
Please check it out on my website www.denisekrochta.com
View the blog page and you can get an idea of what the book is like.
I'll keep you in my prayers.

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Finding Sobriety
by: Anonymous

By chance at an AA/NA (MA) meeting an old friend now sober living in CA asked if anyone wanted to go back with him. My son use to use with this person and he jumped at the chance. It was very unlikely they would have met at this meeting. One living in CA we lived 1/2 hr away from this meeting, so it was fate. Allot of hard work, new friends were everywhere in CA all sober and all willing to help no matter what time of day. My personal opinion is to get sober you need to leave everything you know behind including family sometimes. You need to know you are loved unconditionally by your family but there has to be rules. I told him and still do I love you every day but you can never live at home again. It was hard for us and him but he had a wonderful support group in CA. and we stood by our words. When he had no safety net in us he relied on himself! He realized he was worth saving, he could do it. Love and friends saved him. To be sober you need both. Now he helps others. Once he became sober our younger son followed step. Older son is trying all the time.

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Wonderful Story
by: C-P

Hi Ellen ... what wonderful story and it's so heart-warming to hear that everything is turning out well. May your son's continue to grow in strength in their sobriety. I'd be curious to know - how did they eventually find sobriety? Other mother's might benefit from knowing that.
Thanks for sharing.
God Bless

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