7 Months Clean from Pain Medication Addiction: Should I Return Home to my Husband and Children?
I am a 42 year old female who suffers from chronic pain. I recently went to in-patient treatment center for pain medication addiction. I have OD's at least 4 times and almost died once.
My children are 12 and 14. Me and my husband have been married for 16 years. While in treatment he and the children were angry and never participated in counseling or treatment/visits with me. I have been out of treatment for 7 months and still am attending counseling and 12 step meetings. I am still clean.
I have regular visits with the kids, and me and my husband have been friends, but seldom communicate. We have gone on a few dates and he continues to be insecure as to when he wants me to return home. I have tried to engage him in counseling, but he is always too busy. His father is a doctor and continued to prescribe me pain medication up until I went to treatment, despite me telling him and my husband that I had a problem.
I finally decided to inquire on purchasing a foreclosure house in which my husband was going to give me $20000. He kept the house and everything, so he was willing to help me out. However, when I signed the contract on the home, he became very upset about spending the money and then decided that he wanted me back home, even if it meant that he would sleep in the garage.
I told him that I did not want to stay together for convenience, but for love. I know that I should not be the one that is angry, but I am, and am now questioning whether or not I should go back to him. I don't want returning home to be a trigger for me relapsing, and, I am insecure about failing again.
My husband called the kids in after our conversation and told them that I would be moving back in within a few months. He says he loves me, but I think he cares more about the money then me. What should I do? My husband tends to be passive aggressive and is somewhat controlling.
I was beginning to like doing things on my own, but at the same time, I feel very guilty and selfish as I should be putting my kids first and not me.
It's unfortunate that your prescription drug addiction
was allowed to get so far. It's such an under-rated problem and doesn't nearly get the attention it deserves when you consider the number of people that unwittingly become addicted to prescription drugs.
But that's another matter all together - so it's really fantastic to see how much progress you've made and that you've come this far.
Your situation is unfortunately a difficult one because addiction is ultimately a family disease, and because your husband wants to play no part in the recovery process and understand his role in what's happened, it's difficult to properly heal the wounds of the past and work on building a new future together.
Your most important priority is, and needs to remain, your sobriety. Because if you can't stay clean, what have you got? What kind of mother or wife can you be if you don't have that?
So feeling that you need to return home purely for the sake of the kids - when you suspect it may make you unhappy and possibly lead to relapsing is not the way to go. Remember your sobriety depends on your ability to be totally honest and responsible for the choices you make - so pay attention if your instincts are giving you warning signs.
I think your children are old enough to understand the decision you make if you're totally open and honest with them about it. Would they rather have a miserable and possibly 'out of it' Mom at home? - or a Mom that is happy and standing on her own two feet again, that can support and be there for them, even if she isn't living at home?
That's not to say things can't work with your husband. These things often take time to heal, so with patience you might rekindle what's been lost over the last few years. But don't feel rushed into moving back home if your instincts tell you otherwise. Given more time I'm sure you'll know if you and your husband still have a future together.
Keep doing what you're doing because it's obviously working and has gotten you this far. And as for the rest ... 'let go and let God' and trust that everything will work out for the best in the end (so long as you stay clean!).
Good Luck and Stay Strong