19 Year Old Daughter Is Smoking Marijuana. Her Behavior and Personality Changed Dramatically!

by Olga
(Texas)

I have been suspecting for quite a while that she was on something, because she changed a lot. She used to be caring, loving ... now she turned into a selfish, cold hearted person (once we even had one of the children hospitalized for almost a week and she never once called or stopped by unless I asked her.

She used to be very close to us (family) especially to us her parents, and if she ever was away from home she'd be in contact through her cell phone by text or calling to check in with us all the time.

Now she's distant and barely speaks to us, also she was a church going/active in church type of girl, but she's stopped going to church. A few months back when she started working for a call center she met a girl and they became inseparable.

She started going out 3 or 4 times a week, coming home late (2-3:30am), then later. Then boom one night she didn't come home at all, I was up all night waiting for her. The next day I went by her friends house to ask for her, knocked for a long time ... and out my daughter came, pyjamas and all. I asked why she did that, she replied "I just wanted to stay over" ... she didn't apologize or anything.

She didn't come the next day or the next, or the next - a few days after she called me, met me a a restaurant (like nothing was going on) - and left within 5 or 10 min. A couple of weeks after she came for all her belongings to the house, and ever since I noticed she carried them around in her car at around this time she got fired from work too.

A month has passed, and apparently she's "back home" and seems like she and her "best friend" aren't talking no more. I found out a while back through facebook that the girl is a drug addict.

For the past few days my daughter comes home @ any time of day or night, random days and eats and sleeps like there's no tomorrow. She looks terrible, doesn't shower or washes her car anymore, and her eyes are always droopy very weird looking.

Two nights ago she didn't come home again, yesterday she came @ 1.30am and left @ 7am (???) Well this morning, she had gotten home at around 6 in the morning and was sleeping so I got her cars keys, to get her car out of the way, to take out mine, and the first thing I saw next to the shifting gears was a crack pipe and marijuana in a sandwich bag.

I was devastated, but not surprised. 5 minutes later she called to my phone and asked "mom did you go through my car"? because that thing is of a guy that was on my car last night.

Now here's my question: WHAT DO I DO??? I haven't told my husband yet (because lately he's been heartbroken and depressed because of the situation with her, me too), now that I know for sure HOW DO I APPROACH HER? I NEED HELP AND ADVICE. PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO ... I don't want to ruin her health or her future. I WANT MY DAUGHTER BACK.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

Your must confront your daughter and speak to her with love and honesty. Don't get frantic, stay calm ... but you need to confront the situation head on. And you need to involve your husband, because you both need to be in on this together.

If you found a crack pipe in your daughter's car, the problem may be bigger than you realise. So acting decisively is critical. You need to be firm, but at the same time try and get your daughter to be absolutely honest with you about what's been going on, so that you're in the best position to help her.

And the best way to help her is to not think it's your job to fix her, because you can't. Your job is to get her in front of the professionals and experts who understand and deal with the nature of drug use and abuse on a daily basis. That may be a Counselor who can make an honest assessment of how serious things are - and from there if necessary a more formal drug treatment program.

But the key here is that you and your husband show a united front and stay as calm as possible. It's important that your daughter understands that her behavior has been unacceptable, and that you will be putting boundaries in place to start holding her accountable for her actions. So being firm is critical.

But at the same time your daughter needs to know you love her and that her well-being is your primary concern, so that hopefully she'll open up to you about what's been going on, and be receptive to getting whatever help she needs.

It isn't easy, but that's why it's so important you and your husband are totally on the same page regarding this. Because if you aren't, your daughter may just manipulate the situation to suit her needs. All the Best

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