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What Do I Do About My Wife's Drinking and Pain Meds Problem?

by Matt

Hi - I'm wondering if you could give me some direction. I have been married 1.5 years and have noticed/realized some serious problems with my wife. I called her out on an eating disorder and she admitted that its been a problem since high school, we are 28. She said she used to throw up in high school but then got hooked on laxatives.


She was always notorious for drinking alcohol and never really eating dinner. Probably 3/5 weekday nights for the past few years she would barely touch her dinner and pass out on the couch. I have finally realized that she had always been drinking more behind my back and popping tylenol PMs. I have had serious talks about this problem with her while she is sober. She always admits that she was drinking vodka and took a PM.

She says she understands my frustration and that she will change. She never does .... once I had a talk with her when I got home from work and we basically talked about the fact that I can't take it any more and
if she keeps pushing me away like this, I'll have to leave since there is no way I am going to raise a family with someone like this ... after we talked it out and made promises, she went and popped a pill and took a couple swigs of vodka.

I thought she just went to the bathroom ... she was passed out and gurgling to herself on the couch within 30 mins. I was pissed. We have had 2 serious talks since then, and it doesn't stop. The worst part I think is the lying, she lies to me non-stop when she is under the influence.

I don't want to live like this anymore, I'm ready to pull the plug, and feel like that's the extreme needs to do something about it. But I'm afraid it will push her deeper since she will then have lost her marriage. I have not gotten any family or friends involved since I don't want to embarrass her.

My parents came to visit once and she passed out before we were supposed to go to dinner, so the 3 of us went without her. She is not abusive or mean, but more of an incoherent nothing, which is not what I want to spend the rest of my life with. Any help would be great, thanks.



Answer



Hi Matt

Your wife has a serious problem that needs professional treatment. Serious talks etc. are not going to make a difference because her problem is not going to disappear with a bit of will power, no matter how good her intentions.

You need to get her into a drug and alcohol treatment facility, where she can then get the necessary help she needs to overcome her destructive behaviors and addictive tendencies.

Now she may not be open to the idea, many people who struggle with substance abuse and addictions aren't - because they live in denial as to the extent of their problem.

So you should consider enlisting the help of a drug/alcohol intervention specialist to perform a proper intervention on your wife so that she'll go for the treatment she needs.

Then it's up to her and whether she is prepared to take responsibility for her problem and make the changes she needs to. Because you need to understand that there is only so much you can do - you didn't cause her problem, you can't control her problem, and you can't cure her problem.

So start by trying to get her professional help, and should things still not improve for her, then you need to decide what you want from your future and how you're going to find happiness. But hopefully it doesn't get to that.

Good Luck and God Bless

Comments for What Do I Do About My Wife's Drinking and Pain Meds Problem?

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Oct 25, 2013
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Dude this a real old post.
by: Anonymous

I would have told to divorce her and find a half way sane women. I was married to the same thing. I stuck with it for marriage vows. I gave her everything and the one time I needed her, she divorced me and took all my money. Well not all. I got crumbs, women like that can loose it and leave you when you go down. Worse I- you put her through school to get a degree. She makes 2 as much. She is still broke. Never try to fix a broken bird. Carl

Nov 12, 2010
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Don't be fool by love, run fast
by: Anonymous

I was married for almost nine years and have 2 kids. I was naive about alcoholism. If I had known what is like living with alcoholic, I would have run away fast. You do not want to have kids with an alcoholic, hoping they will change. One day you get exhausted and run out of patience.

Sep 30, 2010
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Been there, done that
by: Anonymous

Without knowing all of your particular details I can't be certain, but my inclination is to say that you should get out now.

My wife's problems only really surfaced after we had children, and I almost began the process of divorce when they were toddlers but was terrified that by some quirk of family courts she would get custody of the children. I can only describe the next fifteen years or so as sheer unadulterated hell.

You have your whole life ahead of you, and if I could somehow give you a glimpse of life with a spouse addicted to meds/alcohol you would not think twice in making a decision.

The very fact that your reluctance to leave on the basis that such an action may make her worse actually highlights the way that you are beginning to think in a co-dependant way, assuming responsibility for her problems. It is almost impossible from inside the situation to see for yourself how destructive this way of thinking is.

There is so much I could say about co-dependancy, but to make it brief... no matter how much we love others, it is not healthy to assume responsibility for other adults nor to forfeit our peace of mind in doing so. Usually if they will not confront their own issues the kindest thing we can do for them, and certainly for ourselves, is to leave them to hopefully learn from the consequences of their own behaviour. Sounds tough, but it is true.

All the best. I hope that both of you find happiness, one way or the other.

Apr 05, 2010
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Wife drinking and Taking meds
by: Anonymous

Hi Mat,

You have only been married 1.5 years. I have been married 30 years to my alcoholic husband. First if you want to have a family some day you have two choices:1) She needs to admit she has a problem and she has to go for serious help if she wavers at all she is not serious and may just be trying to appease you. My husband went to rehab after I threatened to divorce him and after 5mos of sobrity he is drinking again but he can control it he says HA HA HA. Don't fall for that BS. 2) If you see she is just trying to make you believe she is getting help and she can control her drinking don't believe it. You end the marriage now for two reasons first for your sanity and health and second because you have no children. Believe me you do not want an alcoholic near your child. I ruined my children by not getting out when they were young. If she is not truly serious about totally stopping and taking pills, you don't want a life like that. I'm a catholic and I'm telling you to RUN. This is not a life you want to stay in and you definitly don't want to bring even one child into it. It is to late for me but you are young.Good luck and God bless you

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