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My Step-Son's Drug Addiction

by Angela
(IN)

My step-son is an addict. He has been in detox and rehabs numerous times but always leaves before completion. He has stolen from me, my children and anyone else around him.

One day we come home from work to find our door had been broken in, the neighbor said that my step-son had been coming into our home while we were gone. We reported it to the police and he was jailed briefly but then released. I asked my husband not to let him into our home again because of this behavior but it continued when I wasn't home until I had to get a security camera.

My husband's mother who lives next door to us continues to let him live with her. She gives him money which he uses on drugs. He steals her money and medications but she continues to enable him and deny that he has a problem.

Family members have repeatedly explained to her that her enabling will keep him from getting the help he needs but she will not listen. They keep everything he does very hush-hush so he will go to family friends and talk bad about me and they don't know any different because my husband nor mother-in-law will not take up for me.

I'm tired of being the bad person when I have done nothing wrong. This has caused a wedge between me and my husband because he says I hate his son. I just want this so go away...

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Stepson Meth-head NEW
by: Anonymous

I have been married for over 10 years to my second husband. I have 3 kids. When we married, my oldest (girl) was 14 & my boy/girl twins were 12. His sons were 13 & 12 and lived with their mom about 5 miles away. Slowly his boys dragged my twin daughter into their drug world. I ended up sending her to a very strict all-girls recovery school for 3 years. It wiped out my retirement money, but she was worth it to bring her back to the real world. She's still clean & I am so proud of her. If she were to do it again. I'm done. She's now an adult. I listen to so much crap from my husband about her. In the meantime, he denied that his sons were doing anything "other than some pot experimenting." Yeah, right. My kids would tell me what was really going on with those two. Their mom tried to be the "cool mom." She took them to Ozzie Osborn concerts (at 13 & 12). She smoked pot with them. She allowed parties at her house. By the time that their boys were 15 & 14, they were both screwed up. The oldest son was sent away to drug rehab (at 18) & it was a big failure. He tattled on younger brother, so he was sent to a different rehab. Older son attended a 2nd rehab & it seemed to help. Younger son, never attending anything else nor was he held accountable for anything. Fast-forward 7 years. He is in rehab at the age of 22. He finally admitted to his dad that he has been a hardcore meth-head for the past 8 years (since he was 14). I've been trying to tell my husband for years. He's so proud that his son has come clean. I am really mad at my husband. I tried telling him the kid was doing meth. Denial, denial, denial. He has spent over $100,000 on rehab for those two. He has spent thousands of dollars on attorney fees. Yep, they have been busted. Last year the meth-head stepson was in jail for a year. His past was finally catching up with him. He was stealing copper pipe & selling it. He swore up & down that he didn't do it. Husband believed him. His 4th car (all bought by dad) was photographed entering the junk yard. He still denied it. They take a picture of the driver's lic, & make sellers sign a form. It was him. Husband still thinks the friends set him up. My question to him at the time, if he's hanging around all these meth-heads and he's not one, what in the hell is wrong with him? No non-user is going to willing hang around tweakers. I think that I have reached my limit. When they are underage, you should do everything in your power to remove the drugs from their life. However, as an adult, they are no longer your responsibility. Husband feels accountable. He's paying the rehab. He swears that insurance is covering it all. I know the real story. He can add more pay to his paycheck by picking up more loads. He has been working non-stop since stepson entered rehab. He obviously thinks that I am too stupid to realize the connection. I fear that our retirement years will be bleak because he will spend every last penny on that son.

.
by: Anonymous

I married my husband 12 years ago. He was a widower and had an only son. I knew that my stepson was having a back problem and was diabetic, he was married with a baby and was living with his father, but I did not know all the details about his life until I moved in and married his father. I found out my husband was giving part of my savings to him, because he needed help, he could not keep any job. We started fighting, he turned my husband against me. I have never seen anyone being so manipulative, lier, and abuser than my stepson. He used my husband credit card and alleged that he could do it because it was his father's card. He has been making our life hell, my husband is always on his side, even when we discovered that he was on heroine. He uses his health problems as an excuse, because of his back problems he needs pain-killers but with the years he had raised the quantity of the drugs at such a point that the doctors do not want to prescribe him anymore. I have been thinking about leaving, if you can't change anything, you still have the right to live, is it not what do if your home is on fire?


I married the wrong woman
by: Anonymous

Was married to a wonderful woman in so many ways. We met in college & got married right after. We have 2 girls together. We both want the best for them. After 12 years of marrage, we started drifting apart & got a devorce. I quickly started dating & within 2 years I married again. MISTAKE!!!! I married a wonderful woman, loving, caring, sucessful and had more common interests with me than my ex-wife. She has 3 sons, which the youngest is 21. One, I had met when we were dating & he lived with us, because he was addicted to pot/meth & had no where to go. Couldn't keep a job. I was fed up after a short time & kicked him out of the house. That didn't go over well with my Girlfriend (now wife) & we sperated for a few months. I was so in love w/ her, I got back together when her son moved to another city. I thought things would be different. We got married. We moved into a big 5 bedroom house & within a couple weeks she moved in her sister, oldest son with his wife and 2 kids, her youngest son now 21, and her meth addict son and his herroin girlfriend who sleeped on the floor for several months in our formal dinning area. I had no say in the mater & my house was out of control. Hated coming home to chaous. I was told to "just suck it up!" which went on for a year! Now, sister moved out, oldest son moved out with his wife/2 boys & my 2 daughters came to live with me for the year. Meth addict son had no place to go again & moved from the other city back to our house. Bringing with a new girlfriend & her 2 year old son. Now its my 2 girls, her meth son w/ GF & kid, & her younger pothead son. They have disrespected our home, us, & still continue to use drugs. No jobs for 5 months. Kicked the pothead out due to lack of respect towards everything on the plant. Meth son cleaned up from seeing his brother act a fool & his girlfriend moved away due to (their moms) my wifes influence. Now the house is w/ Me, My wife & my 2 daugthers. However, younger son for the last 2 months has lived in an appartment with no job, spending every dollar that he has none of. My wife being the enabler. She is not happy w/ me because of the way I have acted towards her sons. She says she does not like my family values. I for one, think I have pretty good family values & need to protect my daugters from this garbage life. Your home should be a place of great memories & a place of peace. She will be moving out soon after 1 1/2 years of marrage. I will file the papers on Monday! LEARN FROM THIS. It is negative energy, only a downward spiral. GET AWAY AS FAR AS YOU CAN!

Run!
by: Anonymous

Return the ring TODAY and RUN with your two little children as far away as possible. The situation will never change and if your husband isn't sticking up for you now, he won't start down the road. My husband's son is 31 years old and addicted to oxycontin. He only went to rehab because the court said it's either that or jail. He only finished enough to avoid the jail sentence and then checked himself out early because in his mind he was CLEAN. We have given my husband's drug-addicted son thousands and thousands of dollars that he told us was for his wedding, new car, you name it - it all went to his local DRUG DEALER. It's so frustrating that I have to break my back working full time plus, and his son gets to sit in a nice warm cozy apartment shooting up, popping pills, etc. In the spring my husband co-signed an apartment for 24 months (behind my back). After 7 months of sitting in that apartment, he started getting eviction notices. His mother, my husband's ex, informed us that he never paid ONE dime towards the rent. We had to pay $6,000 because my husband's credit was at stake and now we have 16 more months to go. It's horrible. Get out now and don't look back. There are many other good men out there without DRUG addicted kids. Best of luck!

foolishly optimistic?
by: Concerned Fiance

I'm a single mother of 2 kids (ages 8 and 10) and am engaged to marry a wonderful man next month. His 21 year old son was a "pothead" (my fiance's own words) as a teen, but is supposedly not using drugs anymore. (I don't necesarily believe he is clean now) He's on his own, in a nearby town.
His nearly-18 year old son who lives with him uses marijuana, and though the son claims he does not use it anymore, periodically he gets caught with pot and drug paraphernalia. I do not expect him to grow up and live independently somewhere else within the next few years, if ever.
I dearly love my fiance, but after I learned of a new drug-use incident by the nearly-18 year old last night I am deeply concerned that marrying him would be a terrible mistake. My initial thought was that I can marry him and continue to live in my OWN house with my 2 children...but realistically, how long would I be living on my own, not with my husband, because of the stepson? What kind of a marriage is that? What kind of family situation is that? From what I've read here it seems that I'd be setting myself and my younger children up for many years of hellish existence, putting my young kids at risk of exposure, and facing a divorce down the road when I couldn't take the stepson's (or, BOTH stepsons') crap anymore. I am getting more and more worried about this situation now that I'm seeing that the sons' behavior is not likely to become responsible in the forseeable future. I would never choose to live with a drug user, and I would NEVER allow my kids to live with a drug user. From what I'm seeing, it seems that the drug using stepsons would likely remain dependent on my fiance for YEARS and there probably would never come a time where I would feel safe having my children and me move into my husband's house. I feel so torn up about this, so distressed about the idea of marrying this wonderful man...how could his sons' drug problems not eventually destroy our marriage and harm my kids?

Will is ever get better?
by: Anonymous

My step-son is turning 21 on Thursday. We have just realized the extent of his addiction over the past year. He is in his third private institution. My husband and I go to weekly counseling and NarAnon meetings. I guess I have been lucky that he never wanted to live with us. My husband's divorce was a bad one with the ex-wife turning the kids against my husband situation.
Through the meetings and counseling my husband has learned how not to enable but his ex continued to do so. After a violent situation on the 4th though she finally had him sent to this current re-hab.
My problem is this... the son is covered under my insurance. He has created over $1500 in co-pays over the past couple of months which doesn't include this current situation (cutting, ambulance, ER, 30 day private institution). His mother doesn't send us the bills - assuming she is trying to destroy my credit (yes, she would do something like that...). And though I don't believe I will be responsible as he is an adult, I am very worried about my credit.
Then, though I go to all the meetings, am living this hell... I get left out of stuff. Like, it's not my son so why tell me. I am like the outsider. Also, I have a son entering the NAVY, and daughter in college and a father who is dying. But none of these issues are important. It's all about my step-son... and how supportive I have to be. I am burning out.
My point... I understand. You have a right to be angry. And reading all of these responses I am really scared this is going to be a forever situation. He has broken into cars, homes, pawned family items, lied, conned, totaled our car. And though my husband was starting to stand up to him I can see him crumbling again as his son won't call him from the institution, his guilt coming back, his deep depression and cranky moods. I am overwhelmed.

I know it sucks
by: Linda

I found out my stepson was a herroine addict a day before I was leaving for Mexico, he went to his mother & he said he needed help. I went to my jewelry box to get my cross I always fly with & EVERYTHING was gone. I didn't press charges for the sake of my husband NOT him. We went on vacation & the day we returned we were scared to go home because we didn't know what we were coming back to. Luckily our house was still in tact. During this time he went thru 4 days of withdrawal. His mother decided he needed to send him off to a HALF-WAY HOUSE in Florida. He stayed there a month because she couldn't afford it anymore. He is now home with his mother. He is 24. He came to my house to "make amends" He kept on saying he was sorry & CRIED, I didn't care he cried. He told me he broke into my house & he didn't know what he was doing. If you plan to brake in during the time when his father leaves & I get home (a 4 hr time frame) go thru the only window that is ever open the one above the sink in the kitchen that is also hidden by the garage, don't tell me you didn't know what u were doing. I NEED a lot of time. I don't want to see him at all. My husband also says you hate my son. He didn't steal from him he stole from me. He also stole over $100,000.00 or jewelry from his grandmother. Seeing he went thru detox, NOT REHAB but a halfway house everyone thinks he's ok, they are in total denial. I can't say anything without my husband getting mad & saying he is my son. I keep quiet & I wait for the other shoe to drop. I think it's only a matter of time. His son Chris is a total follower not a leader, and he confessed to smoking a joint already. I don't know what to do either, I'm tires of beng the bad guy & I also didn't do anything wrong. This only happened in the past 3 months.

My own son is the addict
by: Mighty Mo

Thank you all for sharing. It's really good to have your perspectives since it is my own 26 year old son who has had the addiction problem since 15 years old. My current husband of 7 years is extremely patient and supportive of ME. He has really helped me in setting boundaries, and we take it day by day on how to love my child (an adult man) from a distance. I know I did more enabling before my husband and I met. However my husband, al-anon and my faith help me tremendously. It's my mom (grandma) that's the enabler. And yes, he has stolen her vicodin repeatedly, and stolen and pawned her jewely, and taken money from her wallet. He has been doing that for years. She tries to cut him off, but he weasels his way back every time.
It is very hard. I do love my son very much. Not to mention, an interesting twist on our situation is that my husband has just recently confessed his own drinking problem. He has been sneak drinking to cope with life's stressors. Not all of his stress is about my addict son. My husband has had problems adjusting to various medications and has been left with horrible withdrawls since he came off of phentenyl (sp) a few years ago. He has 3 ruptured discs and had chronic pain. So, he started drinking to cope with those w/d and continues to use it to cope with the stress of my son and other life issues. We are now addressing his problem and are working on getting him help.
One Day at a Time Sweet Jesus! That's all I got. :) Thanks again everyone for sharing and reading my story as well.

Stepson from hell
by: Anonymous

I feel for all of you. My stepson is a drug addict. Has stolen from us, stolen credit cards, lies constantly, sleeps all day, can't hold a job and my husband continually takes his side. There are no consequences. Only verbal ones that are never executed. My husband must feel guilty for some reason. The stepson has alienated his entire family (including his own mother) because of his behavior, but we continue to "take him in". He spent 9 months in jail for 3 DUIs. To no avail, he is currently out doing drugs again, driving daddy's car, without a license of course, and with his father's approval, his drug and convict friends come to my house when I'm not home, even though I have asked him not to have guests. He listens to no one and my husband continues to make him more important than me. We've been married 14 years, this 34 year old loser has been in our life the entire time, ruining it in some way or another. I have lost all hope and am ready to divorce. I love my husband so much, but I cannot take another day with that loser stepson in my house or my husband continuing to enable him.

Addict Stepson
by: Anonymous

My stepson is 17 and is an addict. He flunked out of school, has stolen money from my wallet, credit cards from his Dad. We did a marchman petition to get him into a treatment center but he got kicked out for figting so now he is back home with us. There is no facility for him. We can't afford a private facility and even if we could he just get kicked out! We tried to get him into a job corps program- he refuses. He just wants to do nothing and hang out with his stoner friends. We try to set limits but he just won't cooperate. my husband and he fight constantly and my stepson wears him down till he gives in. I'm at my wits end. What do we do?

Daughter's husband addiction
by: Lynne

My son in law is addicted to Xanax. I am concerned for my daughter's safety. Although she moved out (at his request) yesterday he told a "friend" where she worked and where she lived. She actually did not work at the branch that the guy thought she worked at, but asked them where she now worked and they told him. She was leaving work and he stopped her to talk. It appears he searched her down to me. They talked about her husband and his problem and how he lied. I am concerned that her husband may have said to get money from her, which she has none....she can barely cover the debt that built up since they were married. She lives in Virginia.....is there anyway to get protection for her by the police even though nothing concrete has happened? The husband was supposedly mugged 6 months ago....probably a lie...this makes me think he is dealing with people that will do anything to get their money, which put the Fear of God in me when it comes to my daughter.

I can empathize and I'm so sorry
by: amanda

I understand Angela as my situation is so similar. I too have tried everything to hold my marriage together but after 7 years of living with his addict son who is now 21 I just can not do it any longer. My stepson too has been in trouble with drug abuse and burglary since the age of 14. My husband and his parents just bail him out of jail everytime and just hand him more money which he goes and buys more drugs with. My husband and I have had numerous arguments as he just enables him instead of disciplining him. I understand how you feel as you can no longer do it. The main thing I have learned is that until our husbands make the decisions to take a stand for change in the household them you and I don't stand a chance for survival ourselves. It's sad to me that my husband doesn't think more highly of me and it does make you disrespect them for not standing up to do the right thing. my stepson will remain on drugs, steal, cheat and lie to get the drugs until he is put in prison. The day is going to come but I will not be here. there will come a day when our husbands and other family members that protect them will no longer be able to keep them safe from the law. They will go to prison, just sadly it may be at the expense of someone elses life because of the drug and alcohol abuse. Angela keep your head up and know you are in the right to feel the way you do. I'm right there with you along with many others. do know I'm sorry and it's only got to get better for us.

I would leave if I could
by: Anonymous

I feel for you. My stepson came to live with us when he was 15. Although he obviously abused drugs and alcohol his father never imposed any punishment even when I begged him to. He missed curfew but his father did not punish him. He cut school and eventually was kicked out but no punishment. His father made sure he had a car when his son turned 16. I suggested that it was a priviledge to drive and that it could be witheld as punishment. This never happened. I told my husband his son would end up an addict, dealer and eventually in jail or dead and it would be his father's fault. Drug dealing began around age 17 along with theft, addiction trouble with the law. It's 3 years later and my stepson is addicted to opiates, sleeps all day, steals whatever he can from his family and friends, gets high every day and is on probation. No job - who would hire him? Out of guilt my husband won't make him leave because he has nowhere to go. I feel he could live in his car which we are still paying for. I only stay because of finances. Once that issue is resolved I'm getting out and never looking back. I have no respect left for my husband. I do still love him... like a friend.
BTW Over the years I have tried to impose rules but have no say in regards to consequences because my hysband refuses to back me. I don't think an addict will change until everything is taken away from them. I pray my stepson is arrested and has to spend at least 3 months in jail.

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