My Son is a Heroin Addict. It's Killing Me. What Can I Do?
Hi, My son is 22 years old, He was in Rehab in December of 2009, he got out then he came to stay with me, prior to that he had lived with different people since he was 18. I had a pill problem in 1994, I have been sober since my last rehab in 1995.
Long story short, he has stolen over 900.00 from me, and lied, taken my rental car when I was sleeping, I can give advise but I am so mixed up, he tells me to look for a rehab for him to go in, but I call then he doesn't go, and we argue and horrible things are said.
When I found out he was shooting heroin, I thought I had died, I cry all the time, I ask him to leave, he says call the police, I really thinks he wants me to call police. I can't stick to my word, I don't understand myself. I have no family to support me emotionally, and my ex is out of the picture. I want to run away, I used to think I was strong. I asked him the other night how can you keep stealing from me knowing its killing me, and I'm struggling?
And he looked at me and said, "Ma I'm sick. He reminded me of that little boy at 4. Please advise I truly feel so mentally screwed up, I think I should go away, I'm so depressed all the time. Thanks I appreciate it.
As hard as it is, you have to kick your son out. And if it means having to call the police, you must. You can't let your son destroy you too. I know you love him, but the best way to love him now is to start using a tough love approach.
You have to find the strength to let him go. If you can get him into a drug rehab program
great - but you can no longer let him live with you. He knows he can take advantage of 'Ma' and as long as you continue to allow him to do that - you give him no reason to want to change. And so the cycle of his addiction will simply continue ...
If things get bad enough for him through him having to experience the full consequences of his heroin addiction, it may help him reach the point faster where he's ready to surrender and accept he needs to get serious about fighting his addiction.
And you should try get yourself into therapy and talk to someone about what you're going through. Your depression is understandable, but it can be treated and you need to find the strength to reclaim your life, irrespective of what your son does.
You can't control the choices your son makes so unless you learn to let go and focus on what you need and makes you happy, his addiction will simply destroy you too. You don't deserve that. Here's an excellent story
of another mother who's been through something similar that you have and shares some excellent insights into dealing with addiction in a child - so please read it by clicking on the link.
You can get through this. So never give up on yourself. And your son's destiny will unfold however it's meant to.
God Bless and Good Luck