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My Son is a Heroin Addict. It's Killing Me. What Can I Do?

by Carol

Hi, My son is 22 years old, He was in Rehab in December of 2009, he got out then he came to stay with me, prior to that he had lived with different people since he was 18. I had a pill problem in 1994, I have been sober since my last rehab in 1995.

Long story short, he has stolen over 900.00 from me, and lied, taken my rental car when I was sleeping, I can give advise but I am so mixed up, he tells me to look for a rehab for him to go in, but I call then he doesn't go, and we argue and horrible things are said.

When I found out he was shooting heroin, I thought I had died, I cry all the time, I ask him to leave, he says call the police, I really thinks he wants me to call police. I can't stick to my word, I don't understand myself. I have no family to support me emotionally, and my ex is out of the picture. I want to run away, I used to think I was strong. I asked him the other night how can you keep stealing from me knowing its killing me, and I'm struggling?

And he looked at me and said, "Ma I'm sick. He reminded me of that little boy at 4. Please advise I truly feel so mentally screwed up, I think I should go away, I'm so depressed all the time. Thanks I appreciate it.








Answer



Hi Carol

As hard as it is, you have to kick your son out. And if it means having to call the police, you must. You can't let your son destroy you too. I know you love him, but the best way to love him now is to start using a tough love approach.

You have to find the strength to let him go. If you can get him into a drug rehab program great - but you can no longer let him live with you. He knows he can take advantage of 'Ma' and as long as you continue to allow him to do that - you give him no reason to want to change. And so the cycle of his addiction will simply continue ...

If things get bad enough for him through him having to experience the full consequences of his heroin addiction, it may help him reach the point faster where he's ready to surrender and accept he needs to get serious about fighting his addiction.

And you should try get yourself into therapy and talk to someone about what you're going through. Your depression is understandable, but it can be treated and you need to find the strength to reclaim your life, irrespective of what your son does.

You can't control the choices your son makes so unless you learn to let go and focus on what you need and makes you happy, his addiction will simply destroy you too. You don't deserve that. Here's an excellent story of another mother who's been through something similar that you have and shares some excellent insights into dealing with addiction in a child - so please read it by clicking on the link.

You can get through this. So never give up on yourself. And your son's destiny will unfold however it's meant to.

God Bless and Good Luck

Comments for My Son is a Heroin Addict. It's Killing Me. What Can I Do?

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Dec 14, 2014
fearful NEW
by: tracy

My biggest fear used to be that I would lose my heroin addicted son....NOW, my biggest fear is that his addiction is killing ME!.. I have two younger children to raise...if something happens to me....his addiction will ruin their lives forever too

Oct 03, 2014
Do I... NEW
by: Anonymous

For the umpteenth time my son stole my debit card out of my wallet. How he can get in and out of my bedroom so quickly without anyone seeing or hearing him I just don't understand. He proceeded to drain my bank account and purchase a one way ticket to Florida. He has given my phone number as the contact for co pays, incidentals (such as cigarettes and personal items). I'm struggling to pay my rent and buy groceries. Poor gal who just called from the sober living facility just got an earful. Why would he deplete me and then list me as his only contact?? I'm struggling right now because I love him and want him to get clean and stay clean. But I'm so hurt I DONT want to speak to him. I just need to know he's alive. Am I doing more damage to him by not being there for him?? I know I will get sucked back in to his addicted ways and he won't finish his program because of me so I'm choosing no contact. Is this wrong?? I'm trying to get help for my codependence but I don't want to cause him more issues by my choosing no contact. Help.

Sep 19, 2014
My neighbors son is a Junkie and it scares me NEW
by: Anonymous

My neighbor's son has been addicted to heroin since he was 19 and is now 36 years old.
He comes from a very wealthy family who has enabled him in every way possible buying him cars, giving him jobs with the family business(where he did nothing) paying for rehab, etc.
The son has been in prison, multiple times in rehab, has lived with his Grandmother (who he stoled from) and now has moved in with his mother (our neighbor) along with his drug addict girlfriend.
He has caused nothing but fear and chaos in the neighborhood and the mother enables him.
Should we call the police? What should we do?

Jul 02, 2014
my 31year old son is an addict NEW
by: Anonymous

JUst 3 days ago my son was in an accident and was arrested for a warrant in another state for drugs. Sadly, he's going away to jail. This has been years coming and hopefully this is his rock bottom. I also was enabling his behavior ans as of right now I won't even take his calls. I feel terrible about it but I don't need him calling and crying and start the entire manipulation of me again. I will eventually talk to him but right now I feel I can't, I haven't slept and don't want to come off all weepy and crying. Does anyone understand this, I feel heartbroken, my beautiful son and I can't trust him in my home, he had to do this on his own, our family cant take it anymore, please pray for us.

Jun 07, 2014
dr samura help me in my marital life NEW
by: sandra

Am happy to share this testimony about the great man called Dr Samura. I am Sandra from California , my husband had an affair with another lady for almost 10 years now and it was the worse thing that ever happened to our marriage. I was forced to take a good hard look at MY behavior in the marriage and I came to realize that I was partly to blame for his affair. I had become emotionally unavailable to him and when something good or bad happened in my life, I called my friends instead of my husband. I had stopped allowing him to love me and to support me and he felt as if I no longer needed him. As a musician on the road with his band, it became to much temptation for him when a girl he met on road became interested in him and was more than available for him emotionally and physically. Once I really started to examine my behavior, I realized that I had as much work to do as he did. When going through all theses problem i came across Dr Samura then i explained things to him. after explanation to him, he told me what to do by bringing back my husband so i decided to follow the rules which he gave to me. Now, My husband cut all tires with his other woman and became committed to working on our marriage to save it. Today, we have a beautiful son, another on the way in a couple weeks, we own our home, and have a fuller, happier life than we ever imagined. After i came across the testimony made by Julie about how this man of spirit brought back her ex husband for more than ten years in marriage. so my if you are in such pain and you don't no what to do you can contact this great man for help i promise you all he will help you the way he helped me so via Email SAMURATELLERSPELL100@YAHOO.COM or call him +2348103508204 or visit his website http://samuratellerspell.webs.com/

Apr 23, 2014
drabiza helped me NEW
by: samata

Thanks once again the great Dr Abiza I am samata lewis I want to share my testimony to every one here about what this great man did for me I was married for more than six years know child with this, my heart has been trouble so I don’t know what to do. And I have gone from one place to another still I did not found the solution of my problem on till one day in my office when a friend of mine came for a
visit so I have been hiding this for every body not to share this
problem to any one so when I see the situation on ground now my
husband is about getting another woman, I try my best to share this with a friend so she advise me to contact this great man for a spell cast so I was not my self of telling her my problem so I ask her what
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Mar 04, 2014
dr unoko bring back m ex NEW
by: Anonymous

Thanks to this great man of spirit called Dr Unoko which I don't know how to thank for the good work he has done for me and my family. It is out of joy that I want to share this testimony with you all. My name is Annabella Morientes; I was married to Macdonald Shaw and for six years now he left me with two kids with know reasons for leaving. As at that time, I was in a dilemma; i felt the world was on my head; I was totally confused and dejected because I loved him so much. One fateful day, I was in my friends place when I exposed my pain to her about my depression which I have be looking for who to help me out of it; then my friend called me closer to herself, telling me on how she got this great man of spirit who helped her find her way to get her husband back. Due to confidence that she placed in this man, I had to ask for his contact. She quickly fetched her computer and gave me his Email ID and his number. So,that is how I contacted him (Dr. Unoko) for spiritual and psycholigical help. He was ale to resolve my issues as quickly as unimaginable. Now, I'm so happy with my family and with a happy home. If you are in such pain, kindly reach this great spiritual healer and counselor Via Email: {dr.unokospelltemple30@gmail.com} or call +2348103508204. Have total faith in him (he is God sent to mankind especially to all those who suffer broken relationships and other psychological issues pertaining to relationships) and he will help you. The ball is in your court now. I pray that your issues are resolved and you will find lasting joy in your relationships like I have found.

Annabella Morientes

Feb 01, 2014
son is addict NEW
by: Anonymous

I also have an addict living at home..hes been in and out of rehab for couple of yrs..he was also shooting up bath salts in which he would destry my house.he can't hold a job.just went back to work for a temp agency that lasted 2 weeks.don't know what to do because I know people who threw tir kids out only to find them dead a short time later.a friend of mine lost 2 sons from overdoses after they were kicked out and she said she still can't live with the quilt.i dn't want that hangng over my head so please help me to fiqure out what to do.

Jan 06, 2014
my son matty. NEW
by: pamela

my precious boy age 26 lost his battle with the devil over drugs. The devil got him for the last time.I hate the devil.I had our boy in rehab 7 times therapy,everything a parent could do we did and still couldn't save him so devastating.Wont see him marry have kids or most of all cant hug him or tell him I love him.He was clean a year and this time it killed him.We had plans for a vacation the next week instead we were at his funeral.Ijust hope our boy is safe now free of his demons but is miss him so.We were very close.

Jul 20, 2013
36 yr old son is a heroin/meth IV addict
by: mother of a drug addict

I am the mom of a 38 yr old heroin/ice (METH) IV user. He has been using for yrs but I had no idea how bad his addiction was until his wife changed the locks 6 months ago. They have 3 children 18, 20 and 8 yrs old. He had gotten so bad that he was leaving needles everywhere. It became an unsafe place for the family. His wife has enabled him, made excuses for him and kept it undercover for yrs. When she changed the locks I let him come stay which lasted 3 days. I couldn't handle the madness of his behavior. We argued he left and thus was the beginning of my nightmare. For the past 6 mos I have given him money, got his car out of impound, endured his abusive behavior all because I love him and thought I was helping him. All I was did was enable him which made him worse. He has made everyones life a living hell. He has destroyed property, acted violently towards others and now is homeless. He wrecked his car nodding off from a fix. He has lost everything. June he called said he had been stabbed and needed help so myself, his wife and my husband went to "rescue" him again only to find out he had cut himself breaking into his wife's mothers house. He had a choice to get help or go to jail. In 6 mos he has been arrested 3 times. He seemed sincere and went to rehab in a different city. I was so happy he was gone and getting help. After 3 wks they kicked him out becuz he couldn't follow the rules. He caught a bus back to our hometown I picked him up on Friday let him come to my house so Monday he could go to his case worker and get help. By Sunday I was paying my granddaughters boyfriend $20 to take him anywhere but here. He came out worse then when he went in. He learned new ways of manipulating and pushing buttons and using the 12 step program and God to manipulate others. He is using again. After being on an emotional roller coaster I threw in the towel and cut him off. I won't answer his calls. I told him I would not help him or see him again until he is sober and sincere in getting his life in order. I realize I can't live his life for him. He made his choice, he chose drugs above his children and family. Its been hard to do tough love but I see no other way. I have to do self care now. He has been a tornado leaving destruction everywhere he goes. If he continues on this path I know he will either go to prison or die. I tried to save his life but I can't. He has to do it. My heart hurts seeing my son go from a handsome well dressed clean cut man to a homeless, toothless crazy drug addict. I don't know what else I can do. So I have detached myself emotionally from his madness. I love him and I miss the son he was. I just don't know who he is anymore. I don't trust him and I am truly in fear of him. My heart aches so bad for him and I will always love him no matter what. I no longer can be a part of his addiction. I can only hope that it gets better and he gets help. And if he doesn't I just don't know............

Jul 04, 2013
My little brothers addiction is goig to kill him!!
by: Jessica

Where do I begin. My brother is a heroine addict and has completely no control over anything in his life. Heroine Is my brothers life now along with lying, manipulating, being selfish and causing the whole family especially my mother so much pain and suffering. My brother has been in and out of prison and jail since he was 18 and is now 25. Our county police department knows him by name and have told him to go to another town and cause problems cause they are sick of dealing with him. My brother also sadly to say has overdosed more then a few times with yesterday being his most recent. This last time he was only out of jail for 5 days before he overdosed and they almost didn't bring him back. After he doesn't even seem scared at all that he was just dead which is completely heart braking cause it goes to show how much the drug has ahold of him. The monster wasn't created alone though. My poor sweet too loving of a mther has been enabling him since the beginning by paying drug debts, giving him money constantly, giving him a car when he has no liscens or means to put gas in it since he doesn't have a job, and pretty much providing anything and everything anyone could want including cell phones ect.She does it cause she says she loves him but it sickens me. We try to talk since into her but she doesn't want to hear it. This brings nothing but chaos between everyone and is tearing my mom apart. Her health is declining and all she does is worry about him so much that she neglects everything else in her life incuding herself. My brothers addiction is going to kill him along with taking my mother with him and I just don't know hat to do anymore. The whole family needs help but my brother is so out of control and such a mamas boy this cycle is never going to change. What in the hell do I do?

Sep 15, 2012
My son is a heroin addict
by: Juli

My 22-year-old son is a heroin addict. He smokes heroin off tin foil and it is the most heart-breaking thing I have ever had to deal with. He is in rehab for the third time and he always says he is ready to stop. It is so sad that this drug takes over their entire lives and changes their personalities. My son stole over $20,000 from us, a truck and committed several crimes before going back to rehab. It broke my heart to tell him he was no longer welcome in our home, but you have to do it. We have found him nonresponsive from overdosing on more than one occasion and felt there was nothing more we could do. There were times I wanted him to just hurry up and get it over with so that he would no longer suffer with addiction. I feel so sad for all of you out there dealing with this. Good luck to you all. One thing I know, I will never, ever stop loving my son even though it is extremely painful to do so. He now says he has turned his life over to God and he will get through this. I hope so!

Aug 20, 2012
I just found out my 20 yr old son is a heroin addict
by: A Dad who loves his son

Help!, the deep hole in my heart, I know that God will only give me what I can handle, and I know everything is done on his time, not mine. He is giving me this trial to help me and my son see he is a loving God. I pray for his mercy and his grace for my son. My son is a heroin addict, my ex has kept it from me for years, but my daughter finally told me the truth. He is now living out here with me and my wife since his mom and step dad have left for costa Rica because they couldn't handle him. He is a liar, manipulator and very very selfish. I have never dealt with anyone with a drug problem, its all new to me and I know if will not be easy. My only solace is that God is always with me and my hell is just beginning. Thank you for this site so I know that I am not the only one going through this. I will keep you all in my prayers, Stay strong and lean on God for guidance and his love and strength to keep you and your children in his light.

Aug 05, 2012
my son is a HEROIN ADDICT
by: mike

I just found out this past thursday that my son is a heroin addict. He came down to help me start a construction business because I need the help. I've been recooperating from a motorcycle for the past three years and fixin to get my diploma for my associates degree. Now my son springs this on me and he is the one who needs help as well. I called his mother and she says he is not welcomed at her house and I can't blame her, but I don't want him he either I hardly know the kid because his mother and I split up over 27 yrs ago. We were going to use this time to get reaquanted but now when he got paid he went out to get a fix instead of helping me gather tools. I'm not going to work him anymore because I do not want to be the one responsible for getting his fix, am I wrong or what I feel horrible but I do not want him dead either. He doesn't listen to me so I feel its a waist of time but the sad thing is he got his girlfriend on it too, and now they have a baby involved. What do I do?

Jun 08, 2012
Jesus knows the pain ;Jesus knows just how u feel
by: Pastor Roy

Hi Carol
my son is not beter than your son but I believe in every dark cloud theres a silver linen we must keep on praying for them so that God can close the prison doors and open the work door for your children. FOR IN THE MIDTS OF THE STORM GOD IS THERE never give up the battle belongs to God BUT THE VICTORY IS OURS.GOD LOVES YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.

Oct 04, 2011
Try Nar-Anon
by: Chelle

Carol,

Find a Nar-Anon meeting in your area ASAP. They truly help to put things into prospective. I feel your pain.. hang tough girlfriend.

Jul 09, 2011
I think my son is using again
by: Anonymous

I found out my son was taking heroin after many years of suspecting.He had started using when he was 17 he is now 20.when i found out i went with him to doctor and got him started on subutex and it looked like he was doing really well councilor has been very pleased with him..However i have noticed signs that he may be back using becoming very talkative again and then very tired .Last night he went in the bath at 9.30 pm at 1.30 i tried to use the bathroom but the door was locked my son had fallen asleep in the bath all that time he said it was because he had smoked a joint and taken his medication for an illness he has a form of athritis.I feel so lost dont know what to do for the best and feel it was my fault for breaking up with his dad at a difficult age.My son is making me feel guilty by saying i dont trust him and councilor is pleased with him and he is passing his drugs rests.The thing is he told me before about friends of his who used other peoples urine.I feel so ill with worry as i dont want to push him away by nagging if he is still clean but my instinct is telling me he is back using.:-(

Mar 28, 2011
My son is a herion addict - It's depressing me
by: Anonymous

My 22 year old son is a herion addict. I tried to help him in so many ways. I took him to rehab and then allowed him to move back home. I came home from work one day and found him overdosed locked in his bedroom. I freaked out. I called my husband and then 911. I gave him mouth to mouth but i was so upset. My husband came home, at that time he had no pulse. My husband did CPR for a while and saved his life. While my husband was working on him the ambulance came and took him to the hospital. He spent 3 days in the ICU. He said he wouldn't go back to rehab, he didn't need help. My son refused to go back to rehab for help. The hardest thing I ever had to do is make him leave. But I did. Since then, my son overdosed again in a diner bathroom and he was revived and sent to prison. He has been in 3 rehabs and in prison twice. He is now on probation. He doesnt have a job and think his life is perfectly fine. He hasn't talked to me in about 8 months because I stopped giving him money. I am soooo depressed over this whole matter. How can I overcome something that I have no control over?

Feb 22, 2011
I called police on my son.
by: Anonymous

My son lives with me and injects heroin. One day I called the police. Police arrived and after inteview took my son to hospital. 2-3 hours later emergency personal called me and asked to take my son back home. I rejected, so hospital send him for detox and 2 weeks of treatment. My son finished treatment with honors. Hospital asked me to pick him up. My son is back at home injecting. Huge bills are coming from the hospital.

Jan 30, 2011
My son is 30 and on heroin
by: Anonymous

My son is a heroin addict.I was a cocaine addict for 10 years and got clean 3 years ago.The guilt is very hard to deal with.During my own addiction I would not let him in my home because I was using.He failed 7 programs and is on the street off and on.Today was the first day I decided not to enable him no more.Have not stopped crying for days.He goes in one more program in 10 days.Do I leave him homeless till then?Please help.It's so hard.

Dec 30, 2010
people
by: Anonymous

people,
you must love yourself before you can truely love someone else. If loving yourself is letting someone else take advantage of you, then there-in lies the problem. throw their asses out of your lives. love yourself first.

Nov 12, 2010
2 yrs clean and back to square 1
by: lou

HI my son is back on heroin after being clean for 2 years.The best way to help him is to cut all connection untill he wants help.It's really heartbreaking but in my experience it' the only way if he wants to use herion he has to live the life of an addict.you cannot force the issue he has to want to stop and will never do that as long as he's being fed and allowed to stay in a warm comfortable house

Sep 24, 2010
hear me out
by: a son with experiance

Hi, i dont think you should kick your son out only if he has no were to go. if he does have friends he can crash at then kick him out but if you kick your son out to the streets its not going to help him. you need to put your foot down and let him know you were the shoes.. even if he is 22 if you kick him litteraly to the curb then he will never get help and might even die.. its hard out there to survive. i was on the streets for 4 years since i was 14 because my mom was a junkie and it did me no good without parental authority.. my mom has been cleen for 3 years and i live with her now and trust me she changed to a hard ass but for the good.. just talk to him and tell him he is all you have in your life that means something to you and that he breaks your heart and you are about to loose it. just tell him everything you think and tell him how selfish he is and then if that doesnt get to him then throw him out and thats were tough love kicks in

Sep 20, 2010
son has passed
by: jtrit1@hotmail.com

my son pasted away last week from a heroin od, I think it was bad whatever, I've been struggling with him for 7 years, in and out of rehab, he finally went to prison, which i was happy about, I thought that would do the trick, he had been clean for 5 months, this last one killed him, i want to get a group together to fight all this, if anyone is interested please contact me, I live in the cincinnati area

Jun 21, 2010
I can understand your pain
by: Toledo Mom

I recently wrote the same story (how do you let go of being a mom?). My son is now, also a heroin addict,(which for some reason, seems more devastating, than all the other drugs he has done)at age 26. I too, have struggled for years of what to do. My family (mainly my sister), try to help- but not going through it themselves its hard to hear. But, even they know we have to let go. Our boys use their addiction as an excuse to continue their downward spiral, and we make it to easy for them. Believe me- they know exactly what to say or do to get what they want- a comfy safe place to be (with the only unconditional love they know). This is in between their hell, THEY are creating, and determined we belong there with them (because you're my mom). I too, cry everyday, it feels impossible to come to terms, with the thought, I have put him back on the streets, with no home, no food and that my son will probably die. But we can't be the one's to pull the trigger. They have put themselves there not us. My son, once again, called from a Rescue last night he says he signed himself into. I am tough, when I talk to him, making comments like, do you have your own wing yet (he has been there many times, some on his own,some by ambulance or sometimes by police (that he calls on himself, then fights them till they put him in restraints).
I have found out, there are many resources out there for them (have him, check his county), theyare free, if they have no money or insurance. After my hysterical outburst. Trying to decide if I was having a heartattack or anxiety attack. I called a counselor there,to find the truth (not his lies,it takes 2 weeks to get into, inpatient rehab-where do I go til then). She told me - It's up to him,(I have heard this for 10yrs and many more to come). Its up to him, what he does with it, but, they will give him info, on where to stay, where to go, and a door to health and mental care. She did tell me if asks for a ride to a rehab or help, that I should -no matter how many times. But not to do anything else. So we too, have to do these things, one step at a time. First, under no circumstances, once you get them out of the house to never let them back in. Second, take time to catch your breath and heart. And then close your eyes and pray for your life and happiness and his. This is the only thing we can control.
So I can understand your pain, and am here for you.

May 24, 2010
Get Your Life Back
by: Anonymous

Get your life back. Take a stand and insist (as hard as it is that he moves out.) You can't be held to ransom due to your son's addiction. Time to take the tough love approach because allowing him to continuously take advantage of you help no one. Call the police. He needs to start being held fully accountable for his using. Hopefully that helps him reach bottom quicker and where he's ready to quit and change. But until he reaches that point there isn't a lot you can do. Your life and healing needs to be your focus. Trust that your son's destiny is in God's hands and that whatever happens is meant to be. God Bless

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