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My Sister's a Drug Addict. My Mom Thinks Everyone Should Do Whatever My Sister Wants ...

by Peacemaker
(austin.mn)

My sister is 27 years old and has been doing drugs since she was 11. I am the oldest of four, and it has been my job to care for her. She has three children 2, 4, and 6 who have been in many drug raids, car chases, been around guns and really bad people.

My sister has been kicked out of many places because of her life style. Human Services have been called many times, but our Mom works with CPS department. I am no angel - I was into the drugs too. Off and on I have been sober for two and half years now along with my boyfriend.

We have four children together and want to stay sober, but its really been hard especially with my Mom yelling at me because I don't want to spend time with my sister and her friends.

I also don't want my children to spend the night at my sister's and my Mom doesn't understand why. When I tell her its because of the drugs she yells at me and tells me I am being mean ... that I used them too. And that I am hurting the family by not hanging out with my sister.

My sister only wants me around when I am doing drugs, watching her kids (which she will leave for days) or giving her money. How do I get my Mom to respect me?








Answer



Hi Peacemaker

I think in your case, you're placing far too much value on gaining respect from your Mom - when doing everything she wants you to do would potentially create far more long term damage to you and your children.

You need to first gain enough self-respect so that you are prepared to stand up to your Mom and be clear with her as to what boundaries you've put in place with your sister - because your sisters drug using lifestyle is not something you want to be associated with any longer. How is not wanting your kids to stay over at your sister's place unreasonable considering the potential danger it puts them in?


Understand that we can't always please everyone, especially family. You have your own children to put first now - and if your Mom can't see that doesn't make it your fault or put you at wrong.

Your sister has to take responsibility for her own life now - her life is not your responsibility anymore. Your responsibility is being the best possible Mother you can, doing what is best for your kids and finding your own happiness.

All your mother is doing by being so over-protective of your sister and allowing her to get away with whatever she wants - is enabling her addiction and providing an 'ideal' environment for her to continue using drugs. It's the worst possible thing to be doing for someone struggling with drug addiction.

So the best thing for you to do is stop worrying about gaining your mother's respect when what she expects from you is being totally unreasonable. Tell her you'll be there for your sister if she's prepared to get help and commits to turning her life around - but until that point your sister needs to start experiencing the full consequences of her drug using and not being enabled as is currently the case.

Be strong and try not to let your mother's opinion effect you so much. You've done well to turn your own life around and that's what matters.

Good Luck

Comments for My Sister's a Drug Addict. My Mom Thinks Everyone Should Do Whatever My Sister Wants ...

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Sep 18, 2012
rockbottom?
by: Anonymous

For years i have heard of "Rockbottom" but that is tricky a close friend of mind in recovery said well everyone has there own rockbottom my loved one was living in a trailer from a semi on a empty dirt lot no money no car as close to homeless as can be because it was her boyfriends not hers who was also a user so i leave this comment because i would have thought that would have been her rock bottom and it wasn't she probly felt that she had it so much better than the man sleeping at the train station! Some rock botttoms dont come soon enough.

Sep 18, 2012
my mother
by: Anonymous

where do i begin i am 32 y/o with a 13 y/o son my whole life my mother has suffered from addiction from alcohol,pills,cocaine and now meth. she has not had a stable home since my son has been born and has stayed at my house off and on when she had no where to go. You name it she has done it i have had police here looking for here she has broken into my home with her loser friends she has stolen from me jumped my well bang on my door wait for me for hours at end in front of my home i can go on and on but i have finally said enough is enough my son also has been a witness to her lifestyle and he too does not want anything to do with her.The problem is she is the BEST manipulator in the world and her mother my grandma believes everything she says which now has affected our relationship inn a negative way she thinks i am a bitch of a daughter ans setting a bad example for my son.No matter what my immediate family listen to her never setting her straight my family tells me how she talks about me and i am disgusted some of they actually question me and say well ow do you know shes using my mother tells them she is sober they all live 8 hours away i live in the same area i know she isnt sober this is really affecting me i know i am doing the right thing for my son and i i just need to know if this pain will ever go away she effects my life daily and she isnt even around in my home anymore.HELP

Nov 18, 2011
I am in the same situation!
by: Anonymous

My sister is the oldest, almost 45 years old. She is using meth around her two children. She blames everything on everyone else, and my mom does all the dirty work for her so she is happy. My mom knows she does Meth but doesn't think its that bad. My sister in law and I called my sisters work and told them we were highly suspicious of her dong drugs. I think the only way we will be able to get my mom to understand what she is doing is by making it more complicated for her to bail out my sister. If she looses her job, my mom can't do anything about it. If she looses her kids, again my mom cant do anything. Then maybe my sister will hit her rock bottom and get some help!!!! My sister has brainwashed all of us for so long, and sometimes I wonder if my mom is doing drugs too. Why else would she be so motivated to help her all the time?

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