My Mothers Keeper: Trying To Save My Mom From Her Drug Addiction

by Daniela
(Bronx, NY)

It all started when I was 12. My Mom had a boyfriend that used to do drugs during that time. His preference of drug was Angel Dust/Cocaine. I noticed my Mom was acting really weird during that time; she was agitated, angered easily, nervous and jumpy.

I didn't really pay much attention to it. When I was 15 the major problems started happening and I started understanding slowly. I remember the good times before that. My mother and I would visit a friend of hers. They were so close. We used to visit everyday pretty much after school. After a while, I started noticing my mother was changing even more ...

Money started disappearing faster, suddenly she didn't have money for certain bills, she needed $10 here and there. It was like money was vanishing like water. I used to come home from work, open the door and my mother would be in the bathroom with the door locked and the water running. I would knock and she would say she was coming out in a few minutes ... a few minutes turned into a few hours.

Sometimes I wouldn't see her till the next day. I hated waking up in the morning; she was always had a bad attitude, moody ... I remember she stole my paycheck the day right after I got paid. I cried the whole day after and hardly ate that whole week. It got to the point where my mother was starting to physically abuse me. We even fought twice.

She would keep me upstairs and say I couldn't call anyone, lock the door and tell me if I attempted to leave she would kill me. This happened one day after she had beat me and was emotionally torturing me. She sent me downstairs for a minute; w/o wallet or keys, sneakers, or sweater - this was so she was sure I wouldn't leave.

I never went to the store ... I ran to the bus stop fearing for my life. I stood there with no money waiting for the bus hoping it would come soon ... I had never felt so afraid in my life. My friend was luckily driving around and gave me a ride to my grandmothers. He was my savior at that moment - I couldn't had been more grateful.

I went through selling my most valued possessions to withdrawing all the money in my bank account just to get my mother out of her jams. I starved, had drug dealers bust in the door of my house, had other crackheads visit the house and use and I've even seen my mother using.

Recently, 7 years later, my mother is still addicted. She recently stole from my grandmothers bills and even fought with my grandmother. My family has gotten to the point where they are sick and tired of it all. My grandmother pressed charges and I feel like I am alone now in this situation. Alone battling this depression and worry because nobody wants to help anymore. I don't know what to do.

My mother has gone into several rehabs with some success ... she's even been clean for a year. Nothing longer than that. I hate to see her like this. I wish she could read this and see how much it affects me all the time. My depression has even gotten to the point where I can't seem to function daily anymore.

I can't work everyday or go to school, much less hold down an emotional relationship with someone or even my family. I'm scared for her. I'm scared she's going to die alone ... she is a diabetic and doesn't even eat sometimes. She can't see either when she's getting high ... she even falls due to nerve damage. I wonder if this addiction will go into remission.

I wonder if I will always take care of my mother and see her struggle day to day. I wonder if I will be my mothers keeper, always? Please, if anybody reads this, pray for my mother and her recovery. Her name is Luz Ivette. She has a mother who worries about her everyday and is simply scared of losing her only daughter to drugs, She has a 23 year old daughter and a 2 year old granddaughter who love her dearly.

I want my mother to see my daughter go to kindergarten, graduate from high school or even college. I don't want to lose her ... I'm not ready but I'm not giving up hope that one day she will be clean again.