My Husband's Alcoholism Has Destroyed our Marriage

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My Husband's Alcoholism Has Destroyed our Marriage

Hi there. I've been married for 13 yrs now and my husband as always battled with drink. In February last year he was admitted to hospital and he was diagnosed with chronic pancreatas.

He dramatically lost weight (down to 7 stone/approx 45kg's) and I thought he was going to die because he was so sick. It made me ill with stress and worry.

He was given medication to keep him off the alcohol but he's been slipping back to drink - and when I know he's been drinking and confront him - he denies it. It started me thinking I'm going crazy ... and even though he's never been physically violent to me or my daughters ... it's the verbal and stupidness of his drinking we hate.

He's started gaining weight but had a drink the other day, which he denies doing, and it caused an argument between him and his brother and sister-in-law. They have washed there hands of him.

Im at the end of my tether now and had enough. I can't watch this any more. I've asked him to leave but he's stubborn ... it's the lying I can't stand and it's driving me round the bend. My daughters are 25 and 20 now and tell me it's time to get shut of him.

I don't love him any more but I do care what's going to happen to him. I'm scared for him - but my health and sanity has got to come first. I don't get it and never will!

I think alcoholics are very selfish. I just don't know what to do any more because it's a very hard illness to fight. I think I could even cope better if it was an affair with a woman - but when drink is the other woman you have no chance of winning. Well that's how I feel ...

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My Husband's Alcoholism Has Destroyed our Marriage

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Dec 19, 2011
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alcohol destroyed my marriage
by: Anonymous

Yes my name is Ruth Walker and my husband is an alcoholic and our marriage are destroyed I went to my pastor seeking help and ask that my home be blessed I was told by my pastor I can't go over your husband head I'm confused now I'm under a lot of pressure and I also had a nervous break down what should I do I'm at the edge and I don't know who to turn to for help I'm full of heartache and pain until I'm angry with myself.

Dec 08, 2011
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My best friend is an alcholic
by: Anonymous

Hi, My best friend (32) is an alcholic and its driving me crazy with worry. I have known him all my life and he lost his mum last year. He has always drank alot (every night) but in the last 6-8 months it has sprilled out of control. Last week he admitted to me he had already had a bottle vodka that day and he had been in work. The worrying thing is he seemed fine. The thing that hurts the most is the constant lying and the fact he tries to make out i'm being daft but i always find out, also he has become very selfish and seems to only thinks of himself. Finally this week he has admitted he has a problem and needs help. So i hope this will finally be the start of him sorting himslef out.

Nov 21, 2011
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fairy tale love to prisoner of hell
by: Anonymous

My husband and I were high school sweet hearts. He was my soul mate and the kindest person I have ever known. We married young. Young people we knew looked up to us and envied our love. We were each other's first everything. 13 years and three children later, he decides to start hanging out with old friends and enjoyed the party life that he never had. We have been married for 20 years, but the last 7 years has been hell. He started drinking, using ecstacy, and smoking weed at times. I am so sad when I think about the love that we use to have. Now, I can't even stand to be close to him. When he is drunk, his behavior is untolerable. I have lost all respect for him. All those who us to envy us now look down on us. Everything that I have work so hard for, he has destoryed. All the respect that we have earned from everyone is now gone. People don't even want to invite us to any of their gatherings anymore because of his stupid attitude when he drinks. One night he came home and destroyed everything in my house, totalling $10,000....from the tv to the computers, and even the refridgerator. I gave him a second chance cause I just didn't want to throw away what we have worked so hard to get. This man use to love me so much that he would give everything up for me. Now, he would give everything up for friends who don't give a shit and for alcohol. What broke my heart and made me cold towards him was the first time he ever laid his hands on me and bruise me all over. Then he hit me a second time and kicked me like a dog. It didn't have to be this way. He holds the key to our family's happiness and he chooses to through it all away. He has hit his oldest son twice. He was 15 the first time, and 18 the second time for trying to stop him from getting into trouble. This is a no win situation. Damn if you stay, damn if you don't. Guess I will just have to leave it all in God's hands.

Nov 08, 2011
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i hate alcohol
by: Anonymous

Hi...im so pleased i found this site,im 27 years old and i married an alcoholic 4 years ago. We recently seperated,i admit i feel lost with out him. He was such a loving caring man before the alcohol took hold. He was abusive,controlling and manipulative also very selfish at times. I tried to help him many times to get of the drink,id threaten to leave him,stop him from seein our daughter but nothin works. Hes also a drug addict too,hes behaviour had had a negitive effect on me,ive lost my self esteem,im afraid to find love again incase the same happens to me again. Since we seperated hes been attendin A.A meetings and claims his drink and drug abuse have all most stopped. What ive come to realise is alcoholics are very good liars and will tell you what they think you want to hear. I should feel happy to be away from him but all i feel is a failiur.

Sep 19, 2011
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My life in ruins due to my hubby and his alcohol
by: Anonymous

Im married for 13 years now, yes I use to drink too, but I realized that life is not just for fun. This is my second marraige, my alco hubby wanted a child of his own. I will always be thankful for him giving me my third child, but guess what? he hates his dad due to all the lies and broken promises, abuse towards me. The people that loves him the most are the ones he cares about the least. He tells me that he loves me, but I cant see it. Yes he tried to stop drinking and sometimes stay clean for up to three months. But he is so cunning, he will start a argument just to have an excuse not to take his antabuse so he can go drink, he dont drink everyday, therefore according to him he is not an alcoholic. But when he drinks he becomes a monster, all these years I had to live with his physical and verbal abuse, he always accused me of cheating on him, which I swear to God I never did, but like they say if you stand behind the door...... he cheated on me numerous times!!!! I use to be a fun loving centre of the party person, now I cant even hold a decent conversation, whatever I said or did is never good enough, I left him numerous times, but always take him back, he only shows that he supposedly love me when he think he is about to lose me. The sad part is that he is such a good hearted person and will go out of his way to help people, other people, not us, his family the people he should help, protect, love and cherish. Yes he had difficulties in his life, but you know what, so did I..... You make choices in your life, and Im making mine now. Today is the 19th September 2011 at 12:00am (well actually it is the 20th then) he is out, drinking, spending money which we cant afford. this is it. I'm DONE. You all please think of me, pray for me and hope I stay strong and go through with this.

Sep 06, 2011
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Alcoholism claims another
by: Anonymous

I too, share a similar story. I have been married for 21 years, I have two children ages 6 and 5. Until we had kids, I too would smoke marijuana, cigarettes and drink excessively, especially on weekends. When I found out I was pregnant, I stopped everything. Really, it sounds hard to believe but I did. I guess I live in dreamland because my husband promised he would quit too. He has stopped smoking marijuana (3 years) but now his drinking is over the top. Worse yet, he is a high-functioning alcoholic, so he goes to work and appears to be "ok" to everyone except me and the kids. He never wants to leave the house so he can just keep drinking. He will "stash" his beer in the garage because he knows how I feel. My father was also an alcoholic. I attended AlAnon meetings for a few years as a teenager. I learned alot of tips that I can use now, but I am just afraid about how the kids will be affected. Here's the real kicker, we started going to church 3 yrs ago and were baptized and this has been life changing for me and him. He started online courses with Liberty Univ. majoring in Religion and has a 4.0gpa. To become a pastor of some sort. Outrageous? Absolutely, and he snips at me that I think I'm "perfect" when I try to talk to him about his drinking. My trust in him is gone and this has destroyed our intimacy. I am a stay at home, homeschooling mother with no money and 1300 miles away from my family. I am a complete enabler - which makes me so angry, because I don't want everyone to "doubt" him in his path to become a pastor. He is truly gifted but completely an alcoholic 1st and foremost. Now what???

Jul 28, 2011
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Loving an addict
by: Anonymous

For the first 10 years of our 20 year marriage I tolerated verbal and physical abuse from my alcoholic husband. His drinking stopped when I filed for divorce. I did not give him an ultimatium I just walked. Bravest thing I ever did with 2 kids in tow and myself going back to school. Of course the nurturer that I am, stopped the divorce and tried again with him. However he found other addictions. First marijauna, foolishly, I felt that it was the better of the 2 evils. He was not abusive to me, it really didn't seem to effect his everyday life negatively like alchol had so I overlooked it, foolishly. A few years ago he got hurt at work he was put on pain killers. As I have unfortunately come to find out he became addicted and has been geeting the pills illegally because the perscription had exspired. He also was having an affair with the pill provider. I divorced him. What have I learned? Apparently not too damn much because I still feel the need to take care of this man! I still love him and he says he loves me and we have been divorced for over a year and half. He's clean but I am broken. So here I sit contemplating whether to give this man yet another chance someday. He is a good man when clean but do I really want to take this risk again? He has an addictive personality, what will he do next? Loving an addict is like walking on eggshells but there were times that he carried me.

Jul 16, 2011
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lost my hubby to drink
by: Anonymous

My husband was an alchoholic,he always worked hard but recreational drinking was taken too far,he had a stroke when he was 38 which he survived.
He was told to give up drink,due ti inflammed liver.He never listened,and started hiding drink and drinking more and more-he became ill and last month at age 48 he died,of a massive brain heammorage.
It has been the most awful time for me and his daughter,I think he was selfish,but at the same time addicted but would not have admitted adiction.
I did everything I could to help him,but he wouldn't listen-not sure we will ever get over this.

Jun 25, 2011
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Something else
by: Loretta

I too can relate to being married to an alcoholic. I admit I didn't read everyone's comments word for word but what I didn't see was information on the long-term effects of alcoholism. I know all about the emotional, verbal, and physical abuse. I won't go into my experiences but I am now seeing alcoholic dementia in my husband. If you haven't researched this, look it up. It will explain the loss of judgment, mood swings, the apparent loss of control in temper including the name calling, the manipulation, and this is a goody - the sexual inappropriateness and loss of inhibition. I do believe certain lobes of the brain are the most affected. These changes and damage may not be reversible. I personally do not have anyone except one good friend with whom I can talk to about my daily struggles and stresses directly related to staying married to an alcoholic. I thank God for her and her understanding. I wish I could find a forum to share thoughts and feelings when things get really bad.

Jun 12, 2011
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alcoholics
by: wendy

i am also married to an alcoholic for 11 years.We have been together for 22.He has been in intensive care 3 times to dry out.He has had a slight stroke and still won't stop drinking.He calls me bad names and in the past has even hit me and choked me.I have no love left for this man.I am in the process of looking at getting a divorce as we have so many hospital bills that if anything happens to him i will not be able to pay.He can't get life insurance that isn't graded.That means they will not pay full value of the insurance at least for 2 years.So i have to hope he doesn't die before they will pay off.He is so nasty that i can't have friends over to visit.I do not work at this time so i must find a job so i can leave this nightmare i live in.

Feb 15, 2011
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My tortured life with my alcholic husband
by: Anonymous

It has really helped me Reading your comments .I was also married to an alcholic for 6yrs he died last saturday with liver disease after a very traumatic marrage he was 45 it made me I'll and I ended up on antippressents and we separated twice but he was always in denial I still went on to care for him till the end I never stopped loving him but he used my feelings for his own needs it's so selfish this illness and he was good at minuplating and blaming every thing else his own mother even blamed me he'd told her it was my fault then after his death I found out he'd been seeing another woman also an alcholic I feel so used and abused

Jan 19, 2011
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I do not love my husband and his addictive personality
by: Katie

I have not loved my husband in quite some time now. He is a recovering alcoholic and has been for 3 years this May; however, the 7 years of alcoholism has scarred me deeply. When he stop drinling he was trying to hide smoking week to compensate for the lack of alcohol. The mental, verbal, and emotional abuse is horrible. My 7-year-old daughter adores her father but doesn't understand because he tells her horrible things about me, like I am evil or he'll call me a stupid bi&$! in front of her. I feel out of love with him some time agi, but supported him through the alcoholism because I filed a petition for a divorce, and he went and got help and begged me not to file a motion. These last three years are a living hell. I cannot stand to be in the same room with him and I have been sleeping on the sofa for at least 6 months. This marriage lacks affection from me, especially, and intimacy is almost absent because I lost me desire to even want to sleep with him, yet he goes no where, and continues to think that this is just a phase. It's not! I am not in love with him, and have recently started talking on the phone to another man just to feel a spark of something. His alcoholism destroyed my feeling for him, and now I feel as if I am only in this because my 7-year-old would be devestated if I left him flat out. I am not in a happy place in my marriage and have not been for some time now. He is very insecure and jealous and when I started going to church on a constant basis, he started using accusing language saying that I was having an affair with the men of the church. Just horrible, and I feel as if I should have an affair because anything would feel better than what I have now. I don't love this man, and have not kissed him in ages. I lost that desire too because the liquor use to come out of his pores and he had this awful stinch...So now I am in a place where I am deprieved of intimacy because I don;t want to have it with my husband, and do not want to sleep with any other man. But here lately, I have been feeling that this guy that I talk to on the phone is a good candidate to make me feel whole again. This is all sad, but absolutely the truth!!! I believe his addictive personality that was left over from his alcoholism is the biggest problem other than his insecurity and jealously...He is horrible to be around on every level...

Jan 16, 2011
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I need Al anon
by: Loving mother

My wonderful son has lodged with us for 5 years and engaged to a lovely girl.
He has had 2 detoxes, has pancreaitis, IBS and has just lost a good paying job.
I attended 8 Al anon meetingsin 2009 and stopped because it upset him and made him angry.
recently he has told his Fiance if she goes to Al anon it will be the end of their relationship.
I work full-time and while travelling to work, have read an entire book for family and friends of alcoholics.
Its a great book and has given me insight and tools to cope. I cry for my son and feel so tired. If only I could make him see that Al anon helps us to focus on our own defects and hopefully give the alcoholic the best enviroment to recover if he chooses to. I desperatly want to go back to Al anon meetings but want to be open with my son.

Jan 11, 2011
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I'm so done with this!
by: barbara

Married 22 years with my husbands alcholism getting progressively worse. I know it's a disease, I know it's difficult for him but after two DUI's within 2 different states recently, the financial, emotional, phyysical toll it has taken on me over the years........I have fallen out of love with him. It's hard to be in the same room with him anymore.

Dec 09, 2010
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"Risk it all for Alcohol"
by: Anonymous

Alcoholism does create such pain. I feel for all of you. I have been married to an alcoholic for 33 years, I was married when I was 20, which I realize was so young now. He recently got a dwi in NJ and 2 days later one in N.Y. He lost his job after that. This will be his 3rd dwi. He could possibly do jail. You know I would just advise women if you are married to an alcoholic and are not happy leave the marriage, because you will hit rockl bottom with him. At the time when he got his dwi's I had lost my job - why would a man jeopardize everything for alcohol? I feel like I bottle everything up, and when I tell him what a bad situation he has put me and my 3 children in, he has the nerve to say "well I'm the one who is going through this not you! (he was ordered to go for treatment by the court, and he has, and has stopped. I just can't stand him anymore, I don't think I ever will. You live in a crazy world with an alcoholic.

Dec 07, 2010
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yeah my hubby is one too
by: Anonymous

ive been married for 16 years and he has been a binge drinker all that time my son hates him my hubs great when sober but the blackouts he gets when he's been drinking is awful the foul language that spurts out. i plan to kill him and dump his body off the jetty( i dont give a #$%^ anymore). i have no friends and all my rels live overseas AA is a joke to him he only went there for me and then boasted that they talked about their alcoholic achievements

Nov 19, 2010
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Got out!
by: Anonymous

Hello everyone!
I too have been married to a person with an addictive personality. First it was the drugs; when he stopped the drugs he started with alcohol to compensate for the lack of drugs. We had 1 son who, during his entire lifetime, has suffered in silence and begged for us to move out. Angry, confused, frustrated, irrational is the person that I had become, and after putting up with his crapp for 17 years I finally said NO MORE! When i moved out I promised to get myself back together so that I could focus on my health and that of my son and return to the caring and loving person I used to be. 17 years of verbal and emotional abuse was not enough for him! While I was trying to get better he forced me to rush into getting a divorce so that he could be free and start dating other women. I looked at him and said: What are you talking about other women? You, already, have been unfaithful! To make matters worse his older sister came into the picture and convinced him I have BPD. Yeah! As if 17 years of suffering wasn't enough!

Nov 07, 2010
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I just need someone to help me with this
by: Anonymous

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO,I want to scream, I was married to a good so I thought person. How can tihs be after 20 years. What is a person to do?

Nov 07, 2010
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I hear your pain and am living it
by: Anonymous

I am so angry tonight, he is back and just does not see the damage he is causing me and the kids. I hate him and this, I am so hurt and don't know what to do, want to get him out of the house he claims to own. Hey who is the one paying the bills, oh that is me

Oct 18, 2010
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The Monster Within
by: Anonymous

I was married to an alcoholic husband for 29 years.He was a closet drinker most of that time. Since it is a progressive disease, I had to watch him slowly unravel. His alcohol abuse eventually destroyed our marriage. He can no longer hold a job and cannot get through a day without drinking. I finally left because he became physically abusive. I miss the person he used to be terribly, but I do not miss the monster he has become.

Oct 12, 2010
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living with alcoholism
by: Anonymous

i have been married to an alcoholic for 22 years .he now has cirrhosis of the liver , treating for high blood pressure,even though his blood pressure drop as low as50/30 tired all the time, his body dosnt hold sodium ,or chloride ,and potassium levels drops really low,he has been off work for a month because he gets so week and his blood pressure drops. the family doctor has basically given up on him say why should i order test and treat him when hes not willing to help him self. im not even sure he has a job any more . our two daughters want me to leave and its just not that easy he has a disease if it was cancer or some thing else would you walk away. but i am coming to my ends rope nerves and my health are shot.its not been an easy road part of me loves him but apart of me hates him too because the alcohol is destroying everything thanks for sharing your letters

Sep 19, 2010
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I know of what you speak
by: H

I keep asking myself when this will end. It is nice to know there are other people out there facing the same things I do. But I am still lonely as feel as if I have lost my best friend eventhough he is right here next to me. H

May 04, 2010
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alcoholism
by: Anonymous

Well,my life has not been easy for five years.I have been living with an alcoholic .it seems that i lost life while he was drinking with his friends,always lying ,always selfish.i want to start again,to find a healthy person,a person that i can trust.i dont trust him at all,drinkers make our life a complete hell.

Jan 10, 2010
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i do still love him
by: Anonymous

i have been with my husband for 10 years, and i do still love him...but i am finding the line between love and hate is easily crossed. he claims he's not an alcoholic because he doesn't drink everyday. but he is a binge drinker...mostly weekends but in winter time it's more frequent. we go thru a cycle where i plead and beg so he slows down and then by winter its full blown whiskey, beer and pills. he is what you would call a functional alcoholoic i guess cause he does work, but there are times he's a no show from drinking too much.
he is a good man couldn't ask for better when sober. but when he drinks he just stays in his room playing play station and i never see him. course i don't want to see him when he's drinking cause he quits talking english and i get so mad that i yell at him and change who i am. we never go anywhere or do anything cause he is so tired when sober cause he stays up for days on weekend straight with no sleep. we been fighting more and more. used to never fight, but i am so lonely for my husband...i'm so lonely for him just to take a ride with me. i don't want to leave him because i do love him but i am afraid i will stop loving him...i don't know what to do...thanks for listening

Dec 27, 2009
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Thank you for reaching out
by: Trish

I commend you for sharing your story. My husband also is an alcoholic in denial. Our house is physically apart, our marriage is not there anymore and claims to drink "just to piss me off"..he refuses to seek help..I have offered to share with him every step to help him resist his demon but has gotten me nowhere.He claims that drinking beer is OK..but when in excess, I find that to be a very large problem. His brother & nephew are also alcoholics so they spend evevry Sunday from 12pm til 9pm drinking allday then procedes to drive home 7 miles. I fear that he will hurt or kill somebody and then "I" will be homeless because of his selfish behavior. I have talked with his brother and that has gotten me anywhere there either. I pray for all to have the strength to stand up and make an ultimatium

Dec 07, 2009
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livin with a alcholic
by: Anonymous

thanks for the stories does help me knowing others find it as hard as me livin with a partner who cannot cum off the drink even with medication,he carnt do it for him self even his health is suffering now and family are just givin up now even me his wife i carnt do any more for him as much as id like to its a real shame hes a good worker and as been from leavin school hes been with the same company for 27 yrs now,his biggest demon his the drink but hes a first class prat wen hes had drink so why do it think its cumin to only one solution hes going to have to leave and fight it alone i feel guilty but im a young woman and need a life carnt play nurse maid no more i have to go out with couples and my daughters wen i need a night out its just not a marriage any more hes pushed me to my limit i miss male company i feel so alone

Dec 05, 2009
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Thanks for sharing
by: Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your story. Its brings it home that I am not alone. My marriage is coming to an end due to husbands alcholism. Like you i dont love him any more but i do care. He has no job so i feel i cant throw him out as he cant afford anywhere to live. His selfishness is out of control. everything is me me me. and everything is everyone elses fault. As hes not working we have very little money , but he still manages to find the money for his beloved vodka, but of course according to him he is stone cold sober. Anyway as i said thanks for sharing your story.

Nov 02, 2009
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thanks for comments
by: Anonymous

Thanks for the comments it does help wen others no wot its like livin with a alcholic or who are recovering alcholics.

Nov 01, 2009
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It destroyed mine as well
by: Anonymous

Being a recovering alcoholic (dry 6 yrs) I can only say that it is the most selfish disease known. I too suffered pancreatitis and cried for about a month afterwards realising what I had done to my family. I lost them all, wife 3 children and my job due to the dark nature of alcohol and the incessant lying. Doctors had given up on me, but a friend did help and I am one of the lucky ones. There is always a tiny bit of hope, I'm 46 and never expected to get here. I feel so sad for you because you did love him once and part of me feels that there is a bit of love there still. I really do wish you the very best of luck.

Oct 22, 2009
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Thanks for sharing
by: C-P

Thank you for sharing your story. You're absolutely spot on, alcoholics are incredibly selfish and self-absorbed. That's an unfortunate symptom of the disease. It's understandable that you worry about what would happen to your husband should you leave him, but remember alcoholism is a path he travels and it's not your responsibility to get him off it. It's something that he has to find for himself. Whatever happens, I wish you all the best and hope that everything works out as you hope. Stay strong and God Bless.

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