Alcoholism and Drug Addiction Help Header

My Husband is an Alcoholic and I Can't Stand It Anymore

by Dawn
(Reading)

He speaks to me like I'm rubbish. Calls me a c..t in front of my kids. Tells me I'm nagging him and he has no problem. He has passed out and had fits a few times and I got him to see a doctor.


He was referred to a specialist at the hospital who told him he was an alcoholic and sent him for a liver test. He had the test but never went for the results saying the specialist didn't know what he was talking about. He gets drunk every night and then drives every morning. I can't stand it or him any more sometimes - I just wish he'd drink himself to death.

The constant lies to everyone around us are wearing me down as I have to make excuses which always involve lying for him. I want to tell his parents the truth but don't want to hurt them. The only feelings I can muster up for him are hatred and disgust. Please advise me.








Answer



Hi Dawn

Your husband clearly has no desire to want to do anything about his alcoholism and he still seems to be in major denial about his addiction. So why stay with him?

As soon as a relationship reaches the stage of any form of abuse, whether verbal or physical, you set a final ultimatum: 'Get help and sort your life out, or I leave.' For the sake of your kids especially, the damage done to them witnessing what is happening, is something you can't comprehend. So you need to protect them of this if for no other reason.

A relationship/marriage with an alcoholic is at best dysfunctional and toxic - because alcohol will always be their number one. And the lies, manipulation, selfishness etc. that usually come with it, simply add to it all. But as soon as the line of any form of abuse has been crossed, you really have to draw the line, especially when kids are involved.

Your responsibility as parent is to provide your children with a loving, safe and secure an environment as you possibly can. And if you can't get that as things stand, you have to move on. But of course you also owe it to yourself - if your husband isn't prepared to make an effort to change in order to save his marriage, then you're better off finding someone who can give you the love and respect you deserve.

Your husband's alcoholism may explain his behaviour, but it doesn't excuse it. Until he takes responsibility for his life and wants to change, nothing anyone says or does will make much of a difference. So if he isn't prepared to make an effort to turn his life around knowing he might risk losing his family, then you don't need to feel guilty or bad in any way about moving on with your life.

Hope that helps. Good Luck and God Bless.

Comments for My Husband is an Alcoholic and I Can't Stand It Anymore

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Aug 17, 2012
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
I left my alcoholic husband
by: Anonymous

I have recently left my alcoholic husband, mainly because of the arguements and aggressiveness. We have a 5 yr old son and I wasn't putting up with the constant lies, the threats to kill me, the manipulation, the childish tantrums, the verbal abuse and the blame. I do feel really guilty for leaving him in such a state, but it turns out that I do have an inner strength after all. He telephoned me all the time saying how sorry he was, but there were only so many sorry's I could accept and about 2 months ago after another binge I took our son and left. I have now made my position clear to him that I won't be going back to him. I feel absolutely devasted, my life has been destroyed. Thank goodness I left. My advice............if it's too much to bear GET OUT as fast as you can and recover youself. Al-Anon have been a great help to me

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Addiction and Alcoholism Effects on Family Questions Archive2.





+1 Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com  

FREE E-Course

"10 Essential Steps to Ending a Life of Alcoholism or Drug Addiction ... Permanently!"

This Course is packed full of valuable information and advice for overcoming addiction that you're unlikely to find anywhere else.

And if you subscribe now - we'll throw in a Special eBook that will help immensely in your struggle against addiction.
E-mail
Name
Then

Don't worry - your e-mail
address is totally secure.
Your details will NEVER be sold and you will NOT be spammed.



XML RSS
What is this?
Add to My Yahoo!
My MSN RSS button
Add to Google


Copyright © 2013 - Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com - All Rights Reserved.