My Husband is an Alcoholic and I Can't Stand It Anymore

by Dawn
(Reading)

He speaks to me like I'm rubbish. Calls me a c..t in front of my kids. Tells me I'm nagging him and he has no problem. He has passed out and had fits a few times and I got him to see a doctor.

He was referred to a specialist at the hospital who told him he was an alcoholic and sent him for a liver test. He had the test but never went for the results saying the specialist didn't know what he was talking about. He gets drunk every night and then drives every morning. I can't stand it or him any more sometimes - I just wish he'd drink himself to death.

The constant lies to everyone around us are wearing me down as I have to make excuses which always involve lying for him. I want to tell his parents the truth but don't want to hurt them. The only feelings I can muster up for him are hatred and disgust. Please advise me.

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Answer

Hi Dawn

Your husband clearly has no desire to want to do anything about his alcoholism and he still seems to be in major denial about his addiction. So why stay with him?

As soon as a relationship reaches the stage of any form of abuse, whether verbal or physical, you set a final ultimatum: 'Get help and sort your life out, or I leave.' For the sake of your kids especially, the damage done to them witnessing what is happening, is something you can't comprehend. So you need to protect them of this if for no other reason.

A relationship/marriage with an alcoholic is at best dysfunctional and toxic - because alcohol will always be their number one. And the lies, manipulation, selfishness etc. that usually come with it, simply add to it all. But as soon as the line of any form of abuse has been crossed, you really have to draw the line, especially when kids are involved.

Your responsibility as parent is to provide your children with a loving, safe and secure an environment as you possibly can. And if you can't get that as things stand, you have to move on. But of course you also owe it to yourself - if your husband isn't prepared to make an effort to change in order to save his marriage, then you're better off finding someone who can give you the love and respect you deserve.

Your husband's alcoholism may explain his behaviour, but it doesn't excuse it. Until he takes responsibility for his life and wants to change, nothing anyone says or does will make much of a difference. So if he isn't prepared to make an effort to turn his life around knowing he might risk losing his family, then you don't need to feel guilty or bad in any way about moving on with your life.

Hope that helps. Good Luck and God Bless.

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