My Husband and His Alcohol Problem ... What Can I Make Him Do To Realise?

by Karen
(UK)

I think my husband has an alcohol problem, he is aggressive after drinking too much, doesn't drink every day but frequently drinks too much after certain work situations. There are mood swings and bad language. What can I do to make him realise??

Answer

Hi Karen

Your husband's behaviour is simply a symptom of his drinking, but until he stops that's unlikely to change.

Unfortunately you can't change your husband, he has to want to change his behaviour and quit or modify his drinking if your circumstances are going to change.

As a starting point, you need to develop an understanding of alcoholism so that you know what you're dealing with. It sounds like your husband is a functional alcoholic who doesn't necessarily drink every day and meets his daily obligations, but that his drinking is starting to have damaging consequences to your relationship and all likelihood his health and sense of well-being.

Chances are if you told him all this, he'd deny the whole lot, because that's what most alcoholics do, is live in denial to the extent of their problem. If he doesn't come around to realising his problem, your only options are to look at performing a family intervention or eventually make him choose - you or the alcohol.

There is no simple or straightforward answer here. For some, a switch goes off, and they realise time to get help and change (usually once things have gotten really bad) - whereas other alcoholics simply keep going, end up losing everything and still don't make an attempt to change.

Part of your challenge is to figure out how you can still find happiness and peace of mind, irrespective of what your husband decides to do. And unfortunately that leads some spouses to eventually leave, because they realise their partner isn't going to change (at least not while they're around).

Hopefully it doesn't reach that point for you. Equip yourself with as much knowledge on alcoholism as possible, looking at attending something like Al Anon, but realise the rest is largely out of your hands.

Best of Luck

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