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My Girlfriend is Trying to Quit Her Addiction . Getting Better but Starting to Lie all the Time. Is She Really Going to Get Better?

by Sean
(Seattle,WA, U.S.)

My girlfriend is addicted to pain medication. She stopped taking the bad ones, but is now taking vicodin - only in small doses but she's still throwing away our money. She won't go to rehab ... I'm trying to help, but I'm always the bad guy. I know I can't change her or make her quit. But I need to know how I can help and what I can do to save our relationship.


Answer



Hi Sean

Prescription drug addiction is a seriously under-rated problem. But like with any addiction, it's up to your girlfriend whether or not she's going to get better. If she wants to overcome her addiction she has to admit to it - and then take responsibility for doing what is necessary to recover from it.

The best way to get clean is for her to get help from qualified addiction specialists. Now if there is no way she'll consider rehab, you might want to suggest counseling or an outpatient treatment program. A good idea would be for her to meet with an Addictions Counselor in your area - and she can take you through all the options available.

A lot of people have also managed to recover from the worst of addictions - without ever going through a formal treatment program - but simply working a 12 step program that she'll find by going to NA meetings. So if you can encourage her to go - and maybe offer to go to Naranon meetings (for loved one's of addicts) while she's at NA, she might take that important first step towards recovery.

At the end of the day though Sean, irrespective of what you do, until your girlfriend is ready and decides she really wants to beat her addiction, there isn't a lot you can do. And for a lot of people in your position, once they've tried everything else and been supportive in every way possible, they start to use a tough love approach. You may not be ready for that, but in severe cases you're left with no other option.

Understand that her lying and reluctance to want to get help is simply a symptom of her addiction. She can without doubt get better - but it is up to her to make it happen and some addicts only reach that point when they're practically on their knees. Hopefully that won't be the case with your girlfriend and I hope that she'll listen to your suggestions and get the help she needs.

All the best



Comments for My Girlfriend is Trying to Quit Her Addiction . Getting Better but Starting to Lie all the Time. Is She Really Going to Get Better?

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Oct 30, 2009
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enabling
by: Ron H

You say that she is wasting "our" money on a harmless drug.Vicadin addiction is one of the worse addictions around.She is in the middle of a life threatening situation that could get her hospitalized or in a grave real fast. Getting better is not the truth,getting worse is the truth.Realizing this and acting upon it is the choice you have to make, in order to help her help herself.Evidently she does not want to quit now,so there may be only one choice to make in order for her to see that she can't continue like this. The choice is "intervention". You need to get a professional intervention counselor to help you-her family-and friends to help her see that she is headed in a one way street to a life of misery or death.

Oct 04, 2009
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Your girlfriend needs to accept her powerlessness
by: C-P

Your girlfriend needs to accept that she is powerless over her addiction and can't control it. Lying and trying to convince herself that she doesn't need help means she hasn't accepted that fact yet. Be aware of your role in all this. Sometimes we think trying to help someone is actually no more than enabling their behaviour. You need to create boundaries with your girlfriend and make sure she experiences the full consequences of her using. That will help her break through some of the denial she is still experiencing.
Good Lucl

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