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My Girlfriend is a Drug Addict. Trying to Get Her Help, But She's Still Lying to Her Parents

by Jay
(Florida)

Hi I recently found out my girlfriend has a drug addiction for over 5 years. I've seen signs through out our relationship but she always came up with excuses. I've come to learn for the past 6 months she has been doing cocaine on a weekly bases along with un-prescribed drugs. Her drug habit stems back over 5 years and is much worse than I ever though.

I confronted her recently about her problem. She was in denial at first then she came clean. After over 4 hours of talking with her she told me she wanted to quit and get help. I told her I would be supportive and help her get professional help.

So the next day I contacted PAR - a drug rehabilitation center in the area and got all the info needed. Also I contacted her parents, and let them know the problem. She currently lives with her parents. Now I'm in the situation that she is in denial with her parents and she is lying to them about her addiction. It totally backfired! She has her parents convinced she doesn't have a problem.

This is the confusing part - yesterday morning she came over to my house and asked me to take her to PAR so I took her and she was there for 3 hours. So I'm not sure what I need to do? She wants help but She is still lying to her parents and friends and making me look like the bad guy. I told her yesterday I would be here for her regardless. What do I need to do?








Answer



Hi Jay

The fact that your girlfriend has been to this drug rehab to talk to them is a very positive sign. Admitting an addiction to others can be very difficult, because for many people it does carry an inherent shame and stigma, so don't let it worry you too much that she's not prepared to acknowledge her addiction to her parents and friends yet. It will happen in good time.

Let the professionals at PAR do their thing. Hopefully they'll get her into one of their addiction treatment programs - and from there the road to recovery and a new life will truly begin. Everyone is different and moves at their own pace, so when your girlfriend is ready to open up to others about what's going on for her, she'll do so.

So don't take what's happened and her denial to her parents personally. If she's not ready to tell them, that's okay. You've done a great job by supporting her and getting her talking to people that can help her. Now it really is up to her to commit to treatment and taking on board the information that the professionals at PAR are giving her.

Remember you can't ultimately control what your girlfriend does or doesn't do. But as you've done really well so far, you can try and influence and encourage her to deal with her addiction by getting the help she needs. The fact that she's listening to you so far is fantastic (many addicts don't) - but she's the one that has to follow through. You can't make her.

So be supportive and encouraging, but also ensure she has sufficient space to do this at her own pace. Because at the end of the day, she has to want this for herself, if her recovery is going to be successful.

You're doing a great job so far - so I wouldn't sweat the fact that she's not ready to admit her addiction to others. It will happen when she's ready. So long as she keeps talking to people that can help her, she's on the right track.

Take Care and Good Luck

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Apr 25, 2010
You're doing great
by: Anonymous

You're doing great. Yeah, you may feel like the bad guy now - but this is about your girlfriend and her getting clean, so if she's still denying it to others, as long as she continues with PAR, that's the main thing. Admitting an addiction to others is a big deal - it's pretty damn scary in fact - so keep encouraging her to continue with PAR and from there trust that everything will happen for the best. As long as she gets treatment and commits to a life of recovery, who actually knows about it, doesn't really matter.

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