My Fiancée Has Relapsed With Heroin and Still Drinks. What Do I Do?

I recently found him collapsed on the bathroom floor than later his parents found him passed out and had to call 911. He's been spending money that he has borrowed with no intentions of paying it back.

He gets drug tested at work and doesn't seem to care. I know he uses before, after, and during work. I moved out and called his work, letting them know his situation.

He got fired ,has no money and has recently told me he has started methadone treatment. He has an upcoming court appearance, and possibly facing new drug charges, what do I do? Should I stay away until I know he's clean? Will he relapse again?

This is his third time relapsing, only this time it's heroin, the other times it was dayladen. I feel bad for calling his work, but I think if I didn't he could be dead right now. I still love him but wonder if I'm wasting my life to worry?

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer

You did the right thing by letting his work know, because you're right, if you didn't, he could be dead. So don't beat yourself up about that.

The truth is, a successful relationship with a drug addict is impossible, and even though you love him, that's a fact you have to face up to.

Will your fiancé get clean and overcome his drug/heroin addiction one day? The reality is no one knows ... one can only hope so ... but it could take months, it could take years, and for some it never happens and their addiction tragically kills them.

So, should you be putting your life on hold waiting for something that may never happen? The answer is no. If one day your fiancé has managed to turn his life around and is completely clean and living a life of sobriety, then sure a relationship can work.

But you have no control over if/when that happens. So right now you have to let go and get back to focusing on your life and happiness - and let him focus on trying to turn his life around and beat his addiction once and for all.

Most addicts continue to relapse because they just aren't ready to quit and so they don't put in the work required to make the changes they need to make.

Hopefully your fiancé does one day get serious about quitting and will do whatever it takes to stay clean, but right now you need to get on with your life and learn how to develop healthy relationships again.

Look into CoDA (coda.org) because having been in a toxic and unhealthy relationship for so long means you've forgotten what a healthy, loving relationship based on trust and mutual respect actually looks like. All the Best

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