My Fiancé is Doing Drugs. What Drug is He Doing?

by Ann
(Union County)

For the past few months I noticed a lot of changes. I've had a lot of friends and family tell me they think my fiancé is on drugs.

I confronted him and he denied it. He takes at least an hour if not longer in the shower. He says he's going to the basement to do laundry, but doesn't bring anything with him. Also, a friend of mine said he saw my fiancé meeting with a guy in the back of the house when he was walking my dog. I confronted my fiancé again and he still denied it.

Then things got worse, he keeps zoning out/falling asleep while doing things like watching TV, on the computer, or even going into the refrigerator. Next I found a spoon all burnt up in the bathroom. I started going through his things, but couldn't find anything. The other day I got out of work early and came in the house through the back door and caught him with a needle. I had him pack up a suitcase and kicked him out.

He still tried denying it and then finally admitted he has a problem. He says it's steroids that he's taking. I just don't know if he's lying. Why did I find a burnt up spoon. I don't know how steroids are taken. The substance was crystal clear. Does steroids make people zone out like that? Please help me find my answers.

Answer

Hi Ann

Sounds like Heroin. Needles, burned spoons etc. are a sign that he's shooting up. And heroin does put you into a dreamy, zoned-out state like you've described. It's definitely not steroids, you can be pretty sure of that.

Irrespective of the substance though, if your fiancé is shooting up (i.e. injecting), it means he's got himself a pretty serious drug addiction. And addicts are notorious for being able to cover their tracks, lie and do whatever it takes to hide their problem.

The most painful part of being in any way involved with an addict, is that there really isn't much you can do to help them. So if and until your fiancé is ready to acknowledge his addiction, and take responsibility for getting it treated, nothing you're likely to do will have much of an effect.

So kicking him out was probably the best and most loving thing you could have done for him - because it has now forced him to start experiencing the consequences of his using, which will hopefully one day contribute to him hitting his rock bottom, and from there surrendering to the fact that he needs to do something about his addiction.

It always helps to remember these three things when someone we care about is struggling with an addiction: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you won't be able to cure it.

Al Anon and Naranon meetings are very helpful for someone in your position - because they're especially for family and loved one's of addicts, and so you'll learn a huge amount from people in similar positions to yours. So think about getting yourself to a couple if you can.

I certainly think you've done the right thing and only hope your fiancé eventually manages to find freedom from his addiction.

God Bless.