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My Boyfriend is a Heroin Addict. I Think it's Time to Leave Him but Not Sure I Can

by Sarah
(US)

Hi. My name’s Sarah. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. Little did I know when I got involved with him that I was getting involved with a drug addict.

He managed to hide his addiction from me for pretty much the 1st year of our relationship. I did wonder at times why his persona would suddenly change and why he would ‘disappear’ for stretches that sometimes would last a couple of days and at other times for up to a week. Little did I know ...

I just figured he needed space and didn’t want to become the nagging, clingy girlfriend so just let it go. That’s until one day I walked in on him in the bathroom and caught him smoking what turned out to be Heroin.

Suddenly all his weird behaviour and prolonged absences made sense. Of course we had a big row, he promised to quit and everything seemed fine for a while. But soon he was at it again and I started recognising the signs when he was high.

Anyway, as you can imagine – the last 5 years have been hard to say the least. The problem is I love him. But I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with the constant lies, stealing and mistrust. I can’t imagine a bigger nightmare than being involved with a heroin addict - I fear daily he might overdose (he has long since moved onto injecting), I’m sick of the broken promises to quit (he’s been through rehab 3 times) and I’m just about out of tears (and I’ve shed plenty).

So what should I do? I’ve tried everything – getting him into rehab, taking him to NA, begging, pleading, you name it. I’m also pretty much all he’s got. He’s had a hard life and doesn’t really have much in the way of family to take care of him, but I’m not sure I can anymore ...


Answer



Hi Sarah

My heart absolutely goes out to you. I couldn’t imagine a more difficult and painful situation to be in. Let me ask you this, if things keep going as they are, what then?


Is your boyfriend likely to stop using heroin, to change for the better? From what you’ve told me it doesn’t seem likely. Things have gotten progressively worse since you’ve known him, not better, despite you having been there for him and loved him all this time.

The big thing to realise is that there is nothing you can do to change an addict. It has to come from him. You can sometimes help facilitate that change, but if he doesn’t want to change, there is absolutely nothing you can do.

It sounds like you’ve developed a codependent relationship with your boyfriend, which isn’t healthy for either of you. And it seems like you could, despite all your best intentions no doubt , be enabling his behaviour - because with you there for him to constantly fall back on he never has to really experience the consequences of his using.

Like you say, you’re not sure you can carry on with things as they are - but it's easy to feel like you’d be deserting or betraying your boyfriend by leaving him. You need to realise though that the biggest act of love can sometimes be to walk away. That might just be the push your boyfriend needs to take beating his heroin addiction seriously. Of course there is no guarantee of that, but there is nothing else you can do.

Take comfort from the fact that you’ve tried everything. Your well-being is also at stake here and I’m sure the last 5 years have taken their toll on you. You need to make time to find yourself again. No one can tell you what to do, but trying to make a fresh start for yourself right now sounds like the best thing for you to do.

Be strong and God Bless

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Jul 02, 2013
Will always be an addict???
by: Anonymous

When I met my boyfriend 4 yrs ago....he was fun, outgoing, sweet, loving , affectionate, hard worker, great dad, responsible, etc. Today he is verbally abusive, evil, liar, thief, untrustworthy, bumm, can't pay his bills, lost everything, horrible father, hasn't touched me in forever, etc. He chose to be a heroin addict 1 yr ago. We have no kids together, but I feel like we do! I stay because I want the man that I fell in love with 4 yrs ago! I love him, but hate the drug addict! I am leaving, because I know that he is gone forever. You can't change a user, they have to change on there own. You can talk to them to your blue in the face, they will act like they care, lie and say that this time is different! But deep down inside they are just trying to shut you up to get more time!

Jun 24, 2013
partner of 11 years father to my 3 children
by: rach

I found out he had started taking heroin 8 months ago he told me he wasnt addicted and only smoked it a couple of times. I stood by him and believed he wouldnt do it again. Few weeks later and he was disapearing for hours at a time money was going missing and then i decided to buy home drugs testing kits. He tested positive to opiates and admitted he had all this time been smoking heroin. We have 3 beautiful children aged 9,3 and 1. We were together for 11 years and he had a brilliant job. Now he has nothing i told him to leave 2 weeks ago as he has been stealing items from family home and acting very odd. Many nights he will randomly shout strange things out in his sleep and gets very twitchy almost like mild fits. I am so heartbroken that he has ended up this way i dont know what to do, i feel broken but am trying to be strong for our children who obviously miss their dad but i cant have a heroin addict around my children. Is there a chance he will get help if he is at rock bottom and lost everyone or will he never change his life around. I am so upset that he has put the children and i through all of this when all i ever wanted was a happy family please anyone with advice for me i would really appreciate it thankyou x

Jun 01, 2013
boyfriend of 2 years is addicted to heroin...
by: Anonymous

Im also 8 months pregnant. I recently found.heroin in his wallet. Explains a lot. He verbally, emotinally, mentally, physically abusive. Our lives consist of nothing but broken promises and lies. He has no compassion for me, shows me no affection. Our sex life is about as excitng as watching paint dry. He began stealing from me and my family members. Ive never been so depressed in my life. i feel so bad for my baby... she doesnt deserve this :'(

Apr 10, 2013
So happy to find this web site
by: Anonymous

What a sad subject. I just broke up with my fiancé of 2.5 years. Well he chose to leave, took his ps3 and left. The other option was to stay and get clean and honest.

I met him in the program and it was his probably 10th time trying to get sober but he was SO in love with me and said he wanted to live a sober life. That lasted maybe a month. He's been to rehab twice since he's been with me AND was in prison for a year!!

Before he went to prison he was in Tennessee visiting his daughter who lives with his sister. He went missing there and he was at his 'friend' cooking meth.. I flew him home and 'rescued, him. Only for him to come home and at a AA meeting stole my purse, over drew my account and put me in a whole of $1300. So when I did a police report I found out he had two warrants out for his arrest. So he came home a week later and was telling me all kinds of lies and made empty promises so I called the cops. At first I didn't talk to him but he kept calling and writing letters. And in May I made my decision: I shouldn't leave just because his an addict, and he clearly wanted to change because he said so. We made plans to rebuild our lives and rebuild trust. This whole time I was sober, quit smoking, started running, started taking yoga classes. I was high on life!!!

He's been home since December.and I've kicked him out 3 times. And he finally left on Sunday, 3 days ago. He spent $600 in two weeks on dope. He picked up smoking again. This last month has been so depressing. I'm smoking again, I relapsed on alcohol, I was hospitalized for depression and being suicidal. He has destroyed my self esteem and have no self worth. The best way he does it is in the middle of having sex he says he just doesn't feel like it anymore because he can't keep it up because his high. He said he just changes his mind about having sex.

I am very angry and I know it's not healthy. I think his trying to manipulate me into taking him back. and he's so moody!! Literally one text he's telling me to go fuck myself and next one his telling me that he loves me and doesn't want to loose me. I do still love him but I can't do this anymore. It's not healthy. This past month he has been either high, or dope sick when I get home from work. It's SO depressing and exhausting!

I don't wish this on anyone. I'm just happy to find out I'm not crazy and it's the deseice..I'm doing better, talking to my sponsor, and other sober people. Tomorrow probably going to yoga class. When he went to prison it took me about 4 months to not sleep with my purse and car keys. I can't leave my purse out of my sight for a second when he is around. Last time I did a hunred dollars when missing but I'm crazy!! I wish everyone good luck and thanks for sharing your stories.. Helps more than anything <3

Apr 01, 2013
ive been there and i agree comment 3
by: Anonymous

This is to husband of 8 years....I dont know if you wrote your comment to me, but if you did i read yours. You sound angry and worn out. This is the red flag that it is true. you are angry and worn out SO IT IS HAPPENING HE IS LYING TO YOU>HE HASNT CHANGED> You are not going crazy he is maniipulating you and ill tell you how i know . I know because you are angry . When you are not angry anymore than he is not lying and manipulating you anymore. Its that easy. brake up make him go away have some time alone to relax. when tyou know you are completely relaxed go see him see if he is clean. you will relaly notice if he is using if you are away from him. and leave again if he is using. takje your kids and you out of teh situation even temporarily. you will get your strength back trust me. you will become strong. Be happy with you and forget him. give yourself a brake from him u deserve it. i did it and i feel great! He is asking me to come home now its been 40 days or more i dont count anymore.He cried at my house i made him leave again we didnt fight but i explained his bullshit in my life is over. if he wants to have his family he must get clean stay clean and proove he is clean or he we will live apart. I expalined i will be respected by him and that he must live by my rules go to meetings seek a sponser and live that life. i told him if he is not ready to do that i will not allow him to live with me and my daughter. he is now trying to clean up his act and prove to me from a far. I dont miss hiding my money credit cards and im at peace in my life and so is my daughter. you need peace. ask god to help you and direct your road.

Apr 01, 2013
Heroin addicts.... 43 years later
by: Anonymous

So sorry for all you young girls! LEAVE THE ADDICT! I finally left the one I was with at age 22 and moved to France. What saved him in the end?... a 15 year old girl who waited for him while he did hard prison. I saved him from prison (bailing him out only to have him skip bail and leave me witih the bill), put him in tons of methadone and mental health programs, supported him, saved him when he slit his wrists saying I did not love him enough.... In return, all he did was lie, steal from EVERYONE I LOVED (family, friends, job). He could have cared less for me even though he professed undying love. He just wrote a book about his addiction and since I am still angry with him, although at first he kept saying I was his big love, why did he leave me?, sending me things like Harvest Moon (Still in love with You) and Your Body is Beautiful... he ended up writing really nasty stuff about me. Things did NOT change. He is a narcissist, a liar, and a super manipulator. My only advice to you young girls is LEAVE... and do it NOW! The only thing they really love is THEMSELVES!

Mar 25, 2013
huband of 8 years addicted to heroin 7 years
by: Anonymous

I have been reading your comments. Sometimes you just need to know their are others out there who share your same problem because living with a heroin addict is very isolating. I have never felt so alone, angry, resentful, numb in my life. My story is like yours except I used to use pain meds. I have used heroin for a short time. I shot up about 10 times. I have been on a suboxone program for a long time. I never gave up on myself cleaned myself up, went to a doctor-therapist and am treating my real problem bipolar. I have 5 kids, two with my current husband. My problem is how can I leave him for having the same problem I had? We have moved about 12x in 11 years. I was an addict for a year in 2009 so do I pay with my life? I have turned into a very angry person. I am hateful. I don't trust him at all. When I look at him I am always looking for signs he is using. He says he has been clean since September. He says I should be proud of him I should start trusting him. I can't. God knows I have tried. I love him. I hate him. He manipulated and lied so much I thought I was crazy and imagined what he said. He would say something then the next day tell me he never said that. I think I have gone crazy trying to keep up with his lies and worrying about bills. My kids don't ever have quite what they need. We have lost so much. I don't know who I am. They are so good at isolating you. No one wants to hear for 10 years how someone treats you only for you to forgive again. Even if he is doing good right now, how do I really know ? How can I ever trust him. He wants me to look past all he has done and forgive. If I don't forgive I am selfesh and a traitor. If I do forgive I am stupid and make our lives hell because I am still so angry . The problem is he makes up for his addiction by buying me gifts. Always being kind to me and the kids. He has ran his own business since he was 21 so to the most part pays the bills. Kinda. I am always waiting to wake up and have this lightning bolt moment where all is better and I know he will never use again. But it never comes. I still don't trust. I am still angry. I dont know what to do. I feel like I can't live with him or with out him. I feel like I have daughter a war and lost. I am so used to feeling this lonely pain I don't know any other way to live. I don't feel like I can be without him. I feel like laying down and giving up. I have no fight left in me.

Mar 19, 2013
ive ben there and oi agree comment 2
by: Anonymous

hi everyone...whoever read my first paragraph on here under "i been there and i agree". im giving u all an update and i hope it gives even one of u strength. it is March 19th my x fianci of seven tears (ha ha ) a herion addict has been out of my house for exactly 23 days now. I went threw seven days of stress real bad. my body was emotionally beat down for weeks. I took bathes and listened to yoga music to stay calm i did yoga and i streched and ate healthy went to bed early got rest took vitamins.i treated myself to whatever i wanted for me. He crashed our truck being high. he could of killed someone. i took him to a train station and dropped him off told him to go cleaned up at a friends house. little did he know it was over for me.i new i was a better person than this. I was disgusted at his foolishnish.he has no way to drive now because im not enabling him anymore. he has no money because he has ruined his vehicle. he has no smokes oh well he has no food oh well. he has to stay with a friend and feel out of place oh well. he hasnt seen his daughter in 23 days oh well. he calls me once in a while and talks to me like im a piece of shit. i dont have to hear it anymore. i hang up. he created this mess. not me. he had choices. he made the wrong ones. now he is starting to see what he has done to himself and what he once had. me and my daughter a home two trucks a job a nice life. im fine i dont know how but god has blessed me to pay bills and keep strong. i feel better than ever. i now see because im away from the abuse that im stronger that i will be ok without him. after all he is not healthy he is ill. until he realises he is ill and gets help.his life will stay the same. but i have choices too, my choice was to finally after 7 years of abuse hiding keys credit cards money etc physical mental beat down etc. my choice was to live the life god gave to ME. MY LIFE. Dont forget about you.remember you only get one life. its yours. his is his. he made a decision to do drugs and i made a decision to be free from his drugs. im proud of myself finally everday i get stronger and we get further apart. but dont you see, he cant use me anymore now he moves on to the next ....make sure it is love and not u fooling yourself take off the rose colored glasses you are living with a chemical not your boyfriend. its easy to say he wont change. But are u? im not at all being a smart ass to anyone who is hurt from an addict. because i was beat down for years . i was you. i just dont want you all to waste as many years as i did. if he is threatening to kill u or he has shit you GERT OUT BEFORE HE DOES KILL YOU> or your child. my daughter is happy now she doesnt miss him or the fights . please lisyten it only took me two weeks away to get strong maybe thats all it will take u. two weeks with an addict especially herion addict is enough stress to kill a cow.

Mar 19, 2013
I miss him as a person, not the addict
by: Anonymous

I was with my ex for 5yrs, i was his support worker and left my job to be with him and feel incredibly stupid.

We split up last year for 7 months and i missed him so decided to give him another chance. He didnt even do 2days cold turkey, made me take him to the cashpoint and take him to buy drugs.

I feel like an idiot for believing he could change. Im now left with fearing he will die, that he wont feed himself, and feel i will never find anyone else.

I cry when im alone as dont want to bore my friends and family have no idea as kept it all secret as not to hurt them.

I feel i did this to myself so cant complain :(

Feb 22, 2013
ive been there and i agree
by: Anonymous

I met the man of my dreams. I loved him with all my heart he was perfect. Until I found out that he used dope herion and injected. I as you tried rehab,helping him every way, covering up for his mistakes etc. we have a daughter 6 now. The love will go away. There is nothing you can do to change him. I have exhausted my self and & years of hell i have lived. I found myself yelling at him one day to feel like i was going to havwe heart attack or a mental break down. i couldnt talk move or get out of bed. Im a depressed woman when people tell me im beautiful and strong i feel broke down. I ahve had years of this hell to help him and keep my daughters family together. Listen to the person who told you to leave and do you. she is right. dont stay. dont break your self down leave while you have strength to go because omne day you wont. they will abuse you steal and lie than act like nothing ever happen onnce they get there fix. Im happy and strong to say he totalled his truck in my name other day and im glad. because now i have to leave. I have finally relized that he could have killed a child or a person driving my truck. he didnt but this made me walke up. Sometimes we were rose colered glasses and dont want to see the truth. He totaled his truck in front of a college. I thought he could of killed a student trying to go to school. a good person. This woke me up!! I would never let something like this happen what the hell am i doing. I have a plan this week im gettinga restraining order and he is moving out. he thinks he will be staying with a friend but he is goiung to be out of my life for good. Im leaving him. he has had 7 years of my life. he hasnt changed. My daughter will have to learn in time it was for the best. My plan will work this time because i love me this time not him. If you have had enough today than tomorrow will only be worse it doesnt get better. if he is not trying today he will not try tomorrow. you are wasting your precious life. like i did. you will read a hundred of these and still stay. but your day will come when you are beat down from the agony they put you threw. no one lives a happy life with a drug addict in the home. I want peace, the best part about leaving will be i will smile again and i will be able to leave my purse on my table if i want to. i will not be robbed lied to. and i will be loved before herion with the next man i meet. i will never be second again nor my daughter. he will not be able to come back and make a family with us again becuase i no longer trust him or love him. its over. ive had it. if you love him leave now and if he stops for you and stays clean than go back. but make him prove it by staying clean a long time. dont allow him to fool you either. if he keeps using move on before you become filled with pain and hate for him like me.

Sep 16, 2012
Waking Nightmare
by: KD

Please help me. I am in a terrible situation and don't know what to do. I have never been on this site and don't know if there is a way that I can have a private correspondence with someone.

Sep 10, 2012
My partner is ruining my life.
by: Anonymous

I have been with my partner for almost 6 years; I was seeing him a year and then realised he was taking heroin. Like a fool I thought I could help him, he went cold turkey to begin with to try to beat his addiction but then he stole money from my purse to buy some more. Over the last 6 years he has stolen my laptop twice, sponsor money, bill money, my camera and even my son's pocket money, i have to hide my purse in my car now. I have tried to leave him a few times but I have a good job and he lives in my house and works so does not qualify for housing benefit; I gave him bond money twice before to get a place but he fell out with the person he shared with and ended up on my door step again. He is also prescribed methodone but spends most of his money on drugs, he sometimes gives me money towards housekeeping. I have got to the point where I Hate him more and more, when he's high I cant even look at him. I seriously need a way out, I have been crying a lot lately.

Aug 20, 2012
What do i do and how ?
by: Anonymous

Am 29 and been with my partner for 14 years we have 3 kids . 8 years ago he started using heorin ,4 years started been violent towards me when i had no money to give him ,his sister reported him and i was told to go in a refuge , i still loved him so went back ! He was clean for about 6 months then it started again he doesnt hit me nomore but he is controling the money ,her wont let me have bank card he will put half the money on the side for me to pay bills ,buy food and look after my children and he has the other half for himself ,he porns the kids electrical items in when he has no money and i will have to get them out again .he talks to me like shit and my elderest kid age 11 no,s what he does ,my other 2 are starting to have a clue now .i dont want to be in this situation anymore but dñt no how to end it for good x

Mar 08, 2012
It still hurts but is getting better
by: Anonymous

You can move on and get out! It's not easy and you can still love that person but in order to save yourself..you have to make a move. It may take a while and you may even try a few times but you can do it. You can move on and begin to be the person that you once were before you met them.

I think my breaking point came when it was pounded into my head that no matter what I did...he was not going to stop. It was clear to me now that me trying to save us was one sided. I had to understand that I was losing my best friend and boyfriend of 4 years to drugs. Drugs were more important to him than me. I could not compete with drugs.

I also hated who I was in the relationship. I turned into someone who was always checking on him, scared of him at times and I would even hit him. He would shut me out when he was on something, I never knew what kind of a mood he would be in when I got home...never knew what kind of weekend that we would have together....everything would circle around him and his mood. Their were times that he would talk to me in a different voice and even appear to look different...almost like I was living with someone else.

When I didn't know back then about his use..I thought things like others do...oh he's tired, he's depressed, he needs space. He even uset to distract me with other issues. He basically knew what he was doing. It took me a long time to come around and to really understand what was happening behind my back.

I still love him very much. It's like someone died, he's not around me anymore. Within a matter of a week..I quit my job and moved away. It was the hardest thing that I've ever done. Feels like the meanest too but I'm safer and I'm slowly turning into my old self. Friendly and calm...out of a terrible relationship with an addict.

He was selfish and mean to me and at the same time will accomplished. Charismatic and knows how to manipulate. Perfect example...he finished pharmacy school. I know now why he choose that profession...to get closer to his problems and to be in a status position were he can continue to fool others.

I don't know how long he will continue or if he will ever get help. Last I knew he did not want to stop. I could not see myself having children with him anymore or worrying anymore with him.

It's been 2 years now and I struggle now with trust issues when I meet new people. I'm much happier and have been dealing with the fact that I wasted so much time with him. I'm thankful that I got out and got away before things became any worse. We were heading a bad direction and my anger was getting the best of me.

I just want people to know that you can make a change and save yourself. You can make a plan and follow it. You can leave and become the person you once were before all the disappointment and loneliness of living with an addict.

Jan 17, 2012
I been with an addict for 6 yrs
by: Anonymous

I been with an addict for 6yrs I have broken up with him well over 300 times. I have been paying rent and bills all by myself he finds ways to support his habit n watches me struggle , he has been to 6 rehabs it doesnt stop I sometimes feel like im loosing my mind I get so angry I hit him n,cry n beg I say mean things to him about being 38yrs old n,has nothing but somehow I find myself waking up n,him still here well wen he is home. I want to leave him so bad im tired of da minipulation his arm discuses me from shooting up but I i keep thinking hes going to get it rite after I cry to him he looks so sad says he so sorry for doing dis to me yet wakes up and does it again every day im dealing with suboxins dat make him look high or da heroin, he says I,think im doing da rite thing by doing a suboxin instead of a bag of heroin how can I be ok wit dis he still looks high acts as if he did a bag. Im severly depressed for 6 yrs I been lonly , sad , anger my life has changed my friends miss da out going person I use to be now I dont even smile my heart achs I just dont no how to walk away from dis miserable life I call hell

Nov 27, 2011
there is hope
by: Anonymous

so many of the same exact feelings of betrayal, deceit, hurt, anger, resentment, crying, and hiding and concealing kept me as my own worst enemy for a whole year while my partner was in the hospital in icu for the longest 365 days of my life. Prior to him going to the hospital I had no idea about his strange behaviors and just assumed it was sadness, depression, another love interest etc. it turns out it was drugs. And I was urged to attend an Al anon meeting, and I am telling you all this program will save your live; it has saved mine. no one knows what you need to do except you. I am still with my addict and we have been dating for 5 years come March 2012. I absolutely love and cherish every moment with him and have learned that alcoholism/addiction is a disease. I hate the disease, not my boyfriend. There is hope. www.alanon.org.
"I didnt cause it, I cant control it, I can't cure it"

God Bless,
MAM

Nov 01, 2011
HELP PLEASE! IM GOING CRAZY!!!!!
by: Anonymous

I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years didnt find out he was using till about a six months into the relationship! Our relationship has turned into one big lie I feel like I don't even know him anymore nothing helps! We have two small children together I want to leave more for them than myself! He doesn't work so I pay for everything and he lives with me every time he gets a job he gets fired within a month or two for spending to much time in the bathroom he spends hours a day in the bathroom and disappears for hours everyday with my car! I love him but I feel like I can't look at him anymore it just makes me sick to think about him shooting heroin and that's all I see when I look at him anymore! Of course he tells me everyday that he is clean but I find things and his behavior tells me otherwise!

Apr 02, 2011
It turns to rezentment
by: Anonymous

I'm in the same boat too. I've lived with my partner for 6yrs now. We were going to get married a couple years back, though i put my foot down and broke off the engagement because of his addiction though stupid me still lets him stay with me, then realized i was pregnant and i had his child!! I've continued to pay our rent, our bills etc. My sons and my belongings (of value) have been pawned and never to be seen again. He says he's "trying" and realizes he needs help though he just continues to chase his tail!! It got to the point he was saying he had to put my camera in the shop in order to pay the interest on my sons nintendo ds!! I'm just soooo tired of the excuses. He says he's an 'artist' and does freelance jobs occasionally for people. He never really fills in an invoice / quote book and never gets them to sign on paper or agree to a payment (as he is hopeless with the business side of things.) He tells me they are paying him $1500 for a mural. After he completes the so called "$1500" job, he says to me he's still waiting for them to process the payment. The following weeks come and go and still no sign of any money. Though he expects me to be happy every time he gets a "bullshit" job!!.. If only it provided for the family. Apart from his heroin habit, he is a great help around the house, would never cheat, he's an affectionate & a loving dad! yes Im crazy for putting up with it

Mar 28, 2011
Idk what to do
by: Anonymous

I'm 19 I been wit my boyfriend for 5months and now we moving together on the 1rst..last night I see him acting weird and bitten his teeth I'm like baby what's wrOng...so then he start telln me everything like being in heroin...he told me he been off for 3day he said he's been cryn and everything ....idk what to do cause I love him

Mar 04, 2011
It's hard.
by: Anonymous

My boyfriend recently became my ex for this very reason. Met him clean, understood relapses would occur. The thing is, I don't consider the past months a relapse. I have had too many time where I go to pay for something and realize hundreds of dollars are missing, or that my card is declined. The lies and deceit became draining on the daily basis, and I found myself faking tears because I simply became numb to the constant day to day struggles with the heroin we had. There is a certain point where your heart and your head don't match up anymore. I love him more then anything, and leaving has been the most difficult thing I've done yet. He is now homeless, has no family, has an addiction, and has zero schooling or job training. I had to leave the state in order to make the pain a tad more bearable.

He calls me every so often from a pay phone in order to let me know he's still alive.
Every day I wake up I have to tell myself that you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

Feb 16, 2011
Just Breathe
by: been there :(

I know what most of you are going through. I have five children and my youngest two are from my current husband who is addicted to cocaine. I have been in this relationship for just over four years...it gets really hard because I don't have anyone to talk to! I am feeling good lately because I quit relying on him. I have a home and a job that pays the bills...so I don't NEED him. He feels really worthless at times and wants to be the provider but in the past I had quit other jobs to make him feel more usefull and give him a reason to stay clean but it always ended up with him using and me having no money. So I told him that I will not quit this job no matter what and I have made it work so I am not so needy :) He wants to help run the kids around but I won't let him because then he wants gas money and I know where that will end up. He is a really great guy when clean but I know me and my kids deserve more. He is going into another treatment center and I let him know that if he uses after that then he will have to move in to his moms indefinitely. I feel relieved!! He understands that and knows I am serious and had enough!! I hope you all find a way to live and be happy despite what your addicts are doing!

Dec 24, 2010
i don't like him anymore
by: honey do

MY BOYFRIEND OF 2 YEARS WAS CLEAN 4 YEARS PRIOR TO ME MEETING HIM. I THOUGHT HE WAS A WONDERFUL PERSON. UNTIL HE STARTED USING HEROIN AGAIN. HE WASTED $1,000 DOLLARS OF HIS PAYCHECK GETTING HIGH WITH HIS BROTHER IN ONE WEEKEND. WHEN HE TOLD ME HE WAS USING HERION (SNORTING) HE ACTED AS THOUGH I WAS THE STUPID ONE. LIKE, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN DUH. HE WENT TO REHAB FOR 3 DAYS AND MONDAY WHEN HE CAME HOME HE BEGAN TO DRINK AND SMOKE AGAIN. AT TIMES HE NODS. HE APPEARS SLEEPY AND SUDDENLY HE WAKES UP AND THEN GOES INTO ANOTHER NOD. THEN HE WILL GET UP AND ACT AS NOTHING HAPPENED LIKE HE JUST WOKE UP FROM A REFRESHING NAP. I HATE HIM. MOST OF ALL I HATE MYSELF. I WANT HIM TO LEAVE BECAUSE I DO NOT TRUST HIM. HE IS A LIAR HE LIED ABOUT HIS RELAPSE FOR OVER 2 MONTHS ALWAYS FINDING FAULT WITH ME, KNOWING IT WAS HIM. I WISH HE WOULD LEAVE I REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM ANYMORE. I CARE THAT HE CAN DIE. BUT I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PERSON HE HAS BECOME. HOW DO I ASK HIM TO LEAVE HIS LEASE IN HIS APT RUNS OUT AT THE END OF DECEMBER. HE IS NOW LIVING WITH ME. I REALLY WANT HIM GONE. HELP!!

Dec 04, 2010
Hell on Earth
by: Anonymous

I'm in the same situation at present - been with him for 2 and a half years and they have been 2 and half years of pure hell! Its easy for someone to say 'well why dont you just leave?' but when you have a child together and you know you are the only thing keeping him from full-blown using, what do u do?? I hate my life..I'm trying to better myself with education but he just keeps dragging me down..

Dec 04, 2010
Please answer
by: Anonymous

i just recfently found out i pregnant and my boyfriend was in jail almost 2 months before he got out well we had sex the first day he got out and he hadnt used then the third day and he had used heroin will my baby be affected by this?

Nov 10, 2010
WE NEED 2 START PUTTIN OURSELVES N OUR KIDS 1ST!
by: Anonymous

wow we all sound like weve got similar stories. were all codependent and don't know how to leave the ones we love. im in that situation too, have 2 young kids to my partner who is a heroin addict.. been with him nearly 6 years. Tonight ive decided to ask him 2 stay at his mums as ive had enough. i no he will be back in the morning and im trying to think ov ways how i can stay strong n not let him back til things change *sigh*

Aug 21, 2010
Is my baby in trouble?
by: Blessed Belly

I am 7 months pregnant and my baby's father is a heroin addict. We were together for 6 years and he left me. After a month he already got a girl knocked up. While we were apart he started shooting heroin. We started "seeing" eachother again and I thought he was clean. I ended up pregnant and because Ive had so many miscarriages before I decided to keep my child. I laterr found out that his problem was a lot worse than I thought but I wanted to help him and we decided to work things out. Things were getting better until he got tired of me asking questions and worrying about where his money was going. He left me again for another heroin addict and now refuses to talk to me for the most part. Im devastated however I know its for the best. But, what Im worried about is if while we were together, could his heroin abuse affect our baby since we were having sex. Do you catch my drift? (He never pulled out)...

Jul 21, 2010
mee too
by: Anonymous

Im in the same boat ny boy f of 16 years, he became an addict when i was pregant with my first child, then he got clean for 6 years,we had a second come to find out he has realpsed and been inrelapse for about 2 years , he is getting angry when i wont give him bill money for his drugs and i hate the people he talks to they are losers too the problem is I have 2 kids with and am pregnant with twins I have no job at the moment going to be getting put on bed rest and the car is in both our names my mother is deceased and his parents will side with him no matter what im so stuck, and he is truly a good guy when he is clean but he doesnt want to get clean he told me that what can i do im on housing waiting list im scared to find him od, plus hes driving with no lic i drive him to the methadone clininc everyday and he still uses please some advice ...

Jul 21, 2010
mee too
by: Anonymous

Im in the same boat ny boy f of 16 years, he became an addict when i was pregant with my first child, then he got clean for 6 years,we had a second come to find out he has realpsed and been inrelapse for about 2 years , he is getting angry when i wont give him bill money for his drugs and i hate the people he talks to they are losers too the problem is I have 2 kids with and am pregnant with twins I have no job at the moment going to be getting put on bed rest and the car is in both our names my mother is deceased and his parents will side with him no matter what im so stuck, and he is truly a good guy when he is clean but he doesnt want to get clean he told me that what can i do im on housing waiting list im scared to find him od, plus hes driving with no lic i drive him to the methadone clininc everyday and he still uses please some advice ...

Jan 11, 2010
Heroin
by: Anonymous

You need to leave him! Check out some of these facts and it might help you make a decision!

http://strategic-design.com/society/heroin-smashes-through-bedford/

Aug 24, 2009
You have to Go
by: C-P

If he's starting to get violent then you MUST go. You can't afford to put yourself or your kids through that. You deserve better. IF he gets clean and sorts his life out, then you can consider giving him another chance to be a father to the kids. But now they need a safe, supportive and loving environment - and there's no way you can give that to them as things stand. So you have to be strong for them - and begin creating a new life for you and them. Don't wait! You can do it!

Aug 24, 2009
please help me decide what to do
by: Anonymous

he went to rehab but only stayed 3 weeks he said he had got other the worst and because i had just had my little girl i belived him he has done the meatings two but nothing changes as he dont belive he has a problem he gets subetex and valiem of the doctor but he ends up taking a weeks worth of valiem in one go then he is two calm to were he dont make sence and now he is starting to get violent

Aug 24, 2009
thank you
by: Anonymous

thank you i no i have to do it my kids are suffering as his first thoughts are drugs he is a great dad when he is clean its just a shame he ant keep up to it its learning to deal with the guilt i need to do i just hope one day he will be normal and enjoy are kids are youngest is 9 weeks

Aug 24, 2009
Time to take action
by: C-P

Dear Anonymous

I think it's time you took a stand because things just seem to be getting worse. Have you tried an intervention yet? Your husband/boyfriend clearly needs treatment and help - can be a very effective method to get them there. Find a professional locally who can help you with that. You should also look at going to Al Anon meetings in your area where you'll meet other people going through what you are who can support and advice you. And if your husband/boyfriend won't get clean, you need to decide if you want to carry on with things as they are. You and the kids deserve more and it may be time then that you consider starting a new life for yourselves. It will seem scary and hard, but you can do it!

Aug 23, 2009
please help me decide what to do
by: Anonymous

im in the same boat i have five kids with my partner ive tryed everything im crying while wrighting this as its so hard i no i need to walk away but he is my life when he is normal he is great but he just uses more and more now and he lies and this has been going on for 5 years i feel so low and just dont know what to do

Aug 02, 2009
Leave Him
by: Mary-Ann

Leave him, without doubt. You'll just end up destroying yourself otherwise. You are NOT responsible for his addiction. He needs to come clean on his own. As much as you love him, it will only end in heartache. Time to start building a new life for yourself.

Aug 01, 2009
You Must Leave Him
by: Sue

I've been through something similar. No matter what you do, your boyfriend won't change for you. Maybe one day he'll realise he's killing himself (if he hasn't done so yet) and sort his life out. Don't be hard on yourself. You're doing the right thing.

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