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My Battle with Alcoholism

by Stella C
(London)

I am an alcoholic, I can say that now because its gone too far, so there is no longer room for denial. I don't drink everyday and especially can't drink when I have a hang over. But when I do drink, I could empty the off licence.


I drink every week despite me trying not to, normally have a big binge then two days break. I want to stop for my health, I am so envious of people that don't drink - I just don't know how they do it.

I can go through about eight strong cans of beer before I fall into a drunken sleep. It doesn't matter what time of day, or whether I'm on my own or not. But I realize it is affected by my moods. I've had bad depression for five years now since my mum died. Not long after my loss I got pregnant and now my daughter is autistic.

No longer with her dad and with no family round me I spend too much time alone with my daughter, dwelling on things and then I'm off to the shop. I hate the shame I feel, the next day (hangover day) I hate myself soooo much, so angry with myself for getting drunk.

But once the hang over goes, its like I forget what I've been through and how horrible I felt, and I'm off to the shop again. Everything I've ever regretted has been through alcohol, its definitely a whirlwind love-hate relationship.

I've lost a lot of respect for myself, and friends have lost respect for me because I'm always mugging myself off when I'm drunk. I hit a point when I stop remembering, its horrible. I want to get this sorted but I'm not sure how to begin.

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Something's gotta give NEW
by: Kallie

I feel your pain...I wake up everyday and think today is the day I'm done or at least not today. I heard day by day is the way to go. But every night there I am pulled into the cold beer and wine after work. Go home sit alone until I'm drunk enough to sleep. I hate myself every day. I live amongst a family of alcoholics who tell me I'm perfectly fine. When we have family events it's booze booze booze. The only person I have support from is the love of my life who I fear I have pushed so far away through this private battle I go through everyday with alcohol and myself. In my haze of not remembering going to bed night after night I can't imagine the things I must have said in drunken anger and I feel so much regret and loss. Tomorrow I will try. Try again. Good luck all of you.

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getting un-addicted
by: luke

i found that, accepting the fact that i am not special and my life is not great, made it easier to stop. I drank beer. 4-5 liters a day.
i somehow had to stop fantasizing about all my potential. god, how i wanted to be a cool, peoples person rockstar type.
i'm not.
i am just a dude.
i have feet, hands and a head.
i been sober for 5 months.
feeling guilty is totally useless. you are human.
i can tell you this; it gets easier and easier, you really get unaddicted after a while. not that everything is great all of a sudden, but you become more mellow and any evening or day passes quickly.

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Not alone
by: Anonymous

I read your story and I can relate. I feel the same way, I drink and I don't want to. I can't just have one or two drinks like some people. I have to finish off the bottle and then look for something else to drink if I am not drunk into oblivion. I have battled for years with it. I try and try but I can't stop. One thing that I want to say is that you aren't alone. Alot of people struggle just like you and I. My advice is you have to just take it one day at a time. You need to forgive yourself of the guilt you feel because it only will make you feel more depressed. Think of your child and how you are very important in her life. I wish you luck in fighting this but don't let it consume your life. Not much good comes out of alcohal. It causes alot of mistakes.

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i am fighting the battle
by: kathy

Am reading the stories, very sad. I can relate to them too. I am sober for 13 mths, it is good. I did it alone, professional help could'nt help me. I could'nt accept it.My family did'nt care or help so why or how could strangers. I abused painkillers too. I woke up very sick on the 22nd of March 2010 and decided that day, that i had enough.I am thankfully sober since, i even gave up cigs that day too, famine or a feast for me, this famine is good, life is good,
good luck to everyone
kath

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Don't be afraid to ask for help
by: C-P

Thanks for sharing Stella. Once the realisation dawns that you've got a problem and want to do something about it, it can be pretty daunting knowing where to start. So don't be afraid to get professional help. Not many people beat alcoholism by themselves - it usually taking going through some kind of specialised in or out-patient treatment program, coupled with a solid recovery program. But the main thing to know is it can be done and with determination you can do it too. So good luck!

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