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My 40 Year Old Daughter Is an Addict. I Don't Know What To Do Anymore.

by Angela
(Sacramento)

My 40 year old daughter has struggled with drugs and alcohol for many years, since she was 20. I just don't know what to do anymore. There was a period of about six years when she actually cleaned up her act.


Her daughters are both in college, their father has been absent for many years, he does try to help them out with expenses. I divorced my husband of twenty six years, ten years ago it all had to do with my daughters drug problems.

In April of this year she went into rehab for a month, it did not help. In December she was fired from the company where she had worked for more than eight years. She has cashed in her 401K and spent it all.

I told her she could move in with me if she cleaned up her act, she moved in and for a month was clean and seemed to be on track. Last week she returned to her old home town to visit a friend and I have not seen her since, she has called for money, she went to my 83 year old mothers house and stole money from her.

I am tired of the situation, her eldest daughter has told me she just cannot deal with her mother any longer and feels there is no hope for her, she does not want to talk about her mother anymore. I am so stressed out over this situation it is making me have anxiety attacks. I love my daughter, do I keep on trying to help her or is it time to say no more.

Alcoholism-and-Drug-Addiction-Help.com Answer



What more can you do Angela? Your daughter has had every opportunity to do something about her addiction, yet still isn't prepared to change her behavior. You've done all you can do.

Eventually it reaches a point where as a parent you've done everything you can to help, and it's time to let go. Because no one can help your daughter until she's ready to help herself. And by continually wanting to intervene or be there for her, despite good intentions, you actually just further end up enabling her.

You need to let your daughter know that while you love her, she's an adult and so you can't control the choices she makes. If she wants to destroy her life with drugs and alcohol, then so be it. You can't be there to try and rescue her any longer, she's now on her own.

Being surrounded with supportive and understanding people can help you get through this. Groups like Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are excellent for that. It's time to start focusing on your life, happiness and well-being again ... and finding peace from the fact that your daughter's destiny is out of your hands, and whatever will be, will be.

God Bless and Take Care

P.S. It may be worth you getting your hands on Help! My Child Is An Addict which goes into a lot more depth around what you can do to help your addicted daughter. Click Here to find out more ...

Comments for My 40 Year Old Daughter Is an Addict. I Don't Know What To Do Anymore.

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My daughter is an addict NEW
by: Anonymous

I've read all of the previous posts and it lets me know I'm not along. I have a 41 yr old daughter who is a drug/alcohol addict. She has (2) children a 12yr old girl and a 6yr old boy; which makes it really hard to watch how she's going down hill and neglecting the children. She doesn't half work, verbally abusive to me and the kids, moving from one relationship to another. I've offered to pay for a treatment center, but she insist she doesn't need help. She hasn't been to jail yet but I feel like it's just a matter of time. The children are living with me now; I know I maybe giving her more freedom to live this destructive lifestyle but I just want to protect the children. Please tell me what can I do?

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I wish there was help NEW
by: Anonymous

I am a dad with a 40 year old daughter like the lady before. My wife and I have been married for 47 years I'm 70 and she is 68. we have stay with our daughter all these years. She has been in treatment many times but it never has helped. Last year she had a baby and no husband. The baby is a supper loving, happy and in good health thank God.

We can't let go but I'm sure what will happen when were gone.

I guess we are the enablers till were gone.


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Dear Mother NEW
by: Anonymous

I am sooooo very sorry for you, as I too am a mother of a 51 year old daughter who is also a drug addict. I live in AZ, she is in CA. I thought she had cleaned up her act years ago, but is at it again. She lies, cheats and steals and will probably wind up in jail soon. My husband is under hospice care with end stage liver disease and I am unable to get to CA to do anything for her. She needs to be committed for her out of control behavior, as she is a threat to herself & others. I too am tired of all the drama and have held onto my "tough love" decision for quite some time now. It is hard to watch her destroy herself, but I will not enable her by sending her money. She is nasty and verbally abusive and I just won't subject myself to this anymore. I love her dearly and pray daily that nothing happens to her, but I have resigned myself to the fact that it could and there really is nothing I can do about it until she decides to help herself. It is hard, but you must stay strong. My prayers are with you dear mother...

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I don't know how to help my daughter NEW
by: Anonymous

I don't have any advice right now. My daughter has been an addict for 5 years and I haven't seen her in 11 months. She went back to jail 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard a word from her. I feel so beat up and useless. I just pray everyday.

At a loss for words anymore


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a desperate mother
by: desperate in Texas

Would someone please help me to find rehab help for my daughter who has prescription drug problems! She wants help desperately & has tried to get admission to so many rehab centers but was turned away because of having no insurance. She, her husband & other family members have talked with so many "professsionals who could help her" but the door is shut when they find out she has no ins. She is one of the people in our society who fall through the cracks in being able to receive help. She in 41 & has been in addiction for about 20 years. She has been unable to receive help because she is marrienn so is not indigent, although they do not have enough money to pay for health insurance. Her addiction is getting worse by the day & is too serious for her to even attend NA meetings. She is desperate, we are all desperate. Her son has been raised by me & her daughter by other family members. We are all at out the end of our resources. Does anyone else have the situation of the "closed door" if you don't have enough money for insurance?

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My son is a drug addict
by: Patricia

I could have written your letter; except my addict is a 39 yr old son. I have paid his rent, phone, food & almost everything he & his girlfriend need. My husband, his step-dad has given up on him & says he'll divorce me if I help him. I believe he will if he finds out about the thousands of $ I owe on my charge cards. My mother died last year & left me a small amount of $, of which I kept around $3,500 to use for my son. He has been in so many rehabs, lost his job of 12 yrs, owes for so many traffic tickets & all I do is worry. I'm 67 yrs old now & in poor health & I just don't know what to do. Knowing that there other parents out there like me, helps a little. I know I should attend the meetings but I never do. Good luck to you & your family.

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To the mother
by: Danielle-RehabReviewGuide

Hello. I am very sorry to hear about your situation. It can be incredibly difficult to watch someone you love go down the path of addiction. I agree with the answer that there is not too much you can do. In the meantime, you must take care of yourself and remain strong. Meetings and support groups can be very useful. I am wishing you the very best.

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