My 20 Year Old Son is Using Drugs, Lying and Stealing. How Do I Handle it?
My son move out when he was 18, he is now almost 21. I have paid for 3 semesters of college and he has failed out 3 times. He lies about everything and anything - he has no remorse when he does things wrong.
He steals from us, 3 weeks ago he stole 2 checks out of my check book and tried to cash at my bank. He recently lost his job and now needs to move home. Last night he got pulled over and was arrested for possession of pot they found in his ash tray.
He has a lot of issues with his father who is/was a heroin addict and now is on and abuses methadone. His father, a few weeks ago gave him methadone to sell so they would have $$$. I am obviously divorced from his father and his drug use was what ended our marriage. I am now remarried.
I am so afraid for him to come back here. I have a 13 yr old son, here. I don't know how to handle this or what I can do to help him get on the right track. He just won't live by the rules. He thinks he can get away with anything and everything.
Once he got mixed up with a gang and po'ed them, they tromped his head and broke his jaw in 2 places. They proceeded to put a gun to his head. I had to go to the police myself, because we feared for our lives. He paid them off with money he stole from my husband and I which was 700.00. I need help.
If your son isn't serious about doing something about his drug addiction and getting the help he needs, then letting him come and live at home again is not a good idea.
Because all the craziness that accompanies his addiction, like the lying and stealing, will simply be brought into your home and cause huge amounts of pain and havoc.
You can't force your son to get on the right track. He has to want to and he is the only one who can turn his life around. And if he's not ready for it, there isn't much you can do that will get through to him.
So now it's time you stop enabling your son and force him to start living with the consequences of his drug addiction - no more easy way out when things get tough because Mom will take care of things.
He's an adult and has to start taking responsibility for his life - and if he's not prepared to do that - he has to live with all the undesirable consequences his life of addiction create. Hopefully then if things get tough or bad enough for him, he'll reach the point where he's ready to change and turn his life around.
But there is no magic pill or quick fix - your son has to come to that realization himself. And you have to let him get there and make peace with the fact that you can't force the issue.
Practising 'tough' love forces your son to become accountable for his actions because no one is prepared to rescue him or bail him out of trouble any longer. It's not easy, but you need to be strong because it is in your son's and the rest of your families best interests.