My 19 Year Old Son is Addicted to Oxyconten, Do I Need to Kick Him Out?

by Lesley
(Langhorne, Pa)

Hi, I have a 19 year old son who has been doing Oxy for the last 2 years. I was 18 when I had him, but took excellent care of him. I raised him stable, well educated everything. I taught him right from wrong, kept open communication with him always, I was always there for him.

I have never drank or done drugs myself. I spoke to him growing up about all the dangers of drugs. At age 11, I caught him smoking. I was floored. I did everything I could to stop it. I punished him, took things away etc.

At age 13 I caught him with a friend drinking. I went as far as to call the cops, had him "arrested". Had him speak with officers, do community service, write essay's etc. All the while I was there talking to him, loving him etc.

Then at age 15, caught him smoking pot. Now filled with fear as I know this can lead to other drugs, I immediately took him to outpatient rehab. We went 3 times a week for 6 moths. Watched movies about drugs, how it ruins lives etc.

Well, 2 years later, my worst fear, he started doing OXY. I just don't know what to do. I have done the Suboxone route 3 times, the therapy, the grounding, everything. He is so bad right now, I have to hide my purse at all times. He has stolen from me over and over again. He has stolen his 10 year old sisters birthday money, he lies, he brings low-life, bottom of the barrel people around my house even when I tell him no one is allowed over. He doesn't listen. He doesn't care what I say.

It's not fair to my other two children or me to have to deal with this. It caused a huge strain in my marriage and I have talked to my son until I am BLUE IN THE FACE and it doesn't matter. Everyone tells me to kick him out, but I can't do it, I just can't.

Answer

Hi Lesley

As you have so sadly realised, there is absolutely nothing you can do to control your son's addiction.

Some people are just pre-disposed toward addiction, and there is really nothing anyone can do about that. All you can do is hope that your son eventually reaches a point where a switch goes off inside of him, and he realises he needs to turn his life around.

The fact that you've done everything you possibly can thus far and been supportive - and that hasn't worked - your only option left is to begin using a tough love approach.

Because right now your son knows that whatever he does, you'll be there no matter what, so he knows he can take advantage of you/use you. Because make no mistake, that's exactly what he's doing right now. So in effect you're actually enabling his behavior.

So I do think it's time you give your son the choice. If he wants to continue staying in your house, he has to get clean and stay that way. Otherwise he's out - and you have to make sure you follow through on that and not get soft. In doing that he'll suddenly realise Mom isn't there to take advantage of anymore, and he now has to fend for himself. That may result in him reaching his rock-bottom much sooner than he would otherwise, and realise it's time for him to change.

Of course with addiction there are no guarantees anything will work. Much of the time we can only pray that the addict we love eventually sees the light and reaches the point where they're ready to choose a different path.

But I do agree with your friends. It's time to show tough love and kick your son out. Doing that, as difficult as it seems, doesn't mean you love your son any less. In fact it can be the ultimate act of love because it suddenly makes your son accountable for his using, and in doing so will hopefully help him realise what he's actually doing to himself.

Read Sarah's story how she dealt with her daughter's addiction. It will give you a wonderful perspective through the eyes of a parent on how to handle your son's addiction.

I wish you all the strength and courage possible to help you get through this. It's such a difficult decision, but in the long run may be the best chance you have of giving your son the opportunity to ultimately save himself.

God Bless