My 19 Year Old Son is Addicted to Oxyconten, Do I Need to Kick Him Out?

Alcoholism and Drug Addiction Help Header

Home Page
Resources
Advertising
Contact Us

My 19 Year Old Son is Addicted to Oxyconten, Do I Need to Kick Him Out?

by Lesley
(Langhorne, Pa)

Hi, I have a 19 year old son who has been doing Oxy for the last 2 years. I was 18 when I had him, but took excellent care of him. I raised him stable, well educated everything. I taught him right from wrong, kept open communication with him always, I was always there for him.

I have never drank or done drugs myself. I spoke to him growing up about all the dangers of drugs. At age 11, I caught him smoking. I was floored. I did everything I could to stop it. I punished him, took things away etc.

At age 13 I caught him with a friend drinking. I went as far as to call the cops, had him "arrested". Had him speak with officers, do community service, write essay's etc. All the while I was there talking to him, loving him etc.

Then at age 15, caught him smoking pot. Now filled with fear as I know this can lead to other drugs, I immediately took him to outpatient rehab. We went 3 times a week for 6 moths. Watched movies about drugs, how it ruins lives etc.

Well, 2 years later, my worst fear, he started doing OXY. I just don't know what to do. I have done the Suboxone route 3 times, the therapy, the grounding, everything. He is so bad right now, I have to hide my purse at all times. He has stolen from me over and over again. He has stolen his 10 year old sisters birthday money, he lies, he brings low-life, bottom of the barrel people around my house even when I tell him no one is allowed over. He doesn't listen. He doesn't care what I say.

It's not fair to my other two children or me to have to deal with this. It caused a huge strain in my marriage and I have talked to my son until I am BLUE IN THE FACE and it doesn't matter. Everyone tells me to kick him out, but I can't do it, I just can't.

Answer

Hi Lesley

As you have so sadly realised, there is absolutely nothing you can do to control your son's addiction.

Some people are just pre-disposed toward addiction, and there is really nothing anyone can do about that. All you can do is hope that your son eventually reaches a point where a switch goes off inside of him, and he realises he needs to turn his life around.

The fact that you've done everything you possibly can thus far and been supportive - and that hasn't worked - your only option left is to begin using a tough love approach.

Because right now your son knows that whatever he does, you'll be there no matter what, so he knows he can take advantage of you/use you. Because make no mistake, that's exactly what he's doing right now. So in effect you're actually enabling his behavior.

So I do think it's time you give your son the choice. If he wants to continue staying in your house, he has to get clean and stay that way. Otherwise he's out - and you have to make sure you follow through on that and not get soft. In doing that he'll suddenly realise Mom isn't there to take advantage of anymore, and he now has to fend for himself. That may result in him reaching his rock-bottom much sooner than he would otherwise, and realise it's time for him to change.

Of course with addiction there are no guarantees anything will work. Much of the time we can only pray that the addict we love eventually sees the light and reaches the point where they're ready to choose a different path.

But I do agree with your friends. It's time to show tough love and kick your son out. Doing that, as difficult as it seems, doesn't mean you love your son any less. In fact it can be the ultimate act of love because it suddenly makes your son accountable for his using, and in doing so will hopefully help him realise what he's actually doing to himself.

Read Sarah's story how she dealt with her daughter's addiction. It will give you a wonderful perspective through the eyes of a parent on how to handle your son's addiction.

I wish you all the strength and courage possible to help you get through this. It's such a difficult decision, but in the long run may be the best chance you have of giving your son the opportunity to ultimately save himself.

God Bless

Comments for
My 19 Year Old Son is Addicted to Oxyconten, Do I Need to Kick Him Out?

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Rating

from a son to a mother.
by: Anonymous

Leslie, I am so sorry you have to go through this as I am 24 years old and I have a very similar issue. I can see the disappointment in my mothers eyes when she knows "something isn't right" and she always knows, every time. It makes me feel terrible letting her down, she has always been there for me and has truly been an amazing parent, working her ass off and getting her college degree as I was young. She deserves better, and I know you do too. I have recently turned a corner and am on my way to recovery myself. My advice, try not to resent him, and TALK to him. Not just about how disappointed you are or how much of his life he is wasting but be supportive. Tell him he needs to get help and I agree with the long term rehabilitation option. Kicking him out is like playing russian roulette with your child, he may hit rock bottom and come back begging for you to help him OR he may get himself into something neither he nor you can get him out of. One thing is definitive, you must stop enabling him in any way. You should definitely go to a na-anon meeting. It is meetings for families of addicts and it has seriously helped my parents when my older brother had the same issue years back. It is extremely therapeutic knowing you aren't alone in your feelings and they will teach you healthy ways of dealing with this that WILL HELP HIM GET CLEAN. And it will help you more then you can imagine, my parents tell me how truly helpful this was to them. GO WITH LONG TERM REHAB, AT LEAST A YEAR. THREATEN TO KICK HIM OUT IF HE REFUSES AND DO IT, IT MAY BE THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE HIS LIFE. He needs knowledge, he needs to learn what its like to be sober because he will love it, remember that he is lonely and he is lost, he needs guidance, only rehab can give him the tools and knowledge he needs to get past this. I wish you all the strength and courage to do what is right. He is still young and you CAN save him, he CAN turn this around if you act promptly. Give him the opportunity to do this by sending him to rehab. He will be stubborn and scared, he will be upset with you, but he will thank you for saving his life in the long run. He will gain a vast knowledge of addiction and of himself and this is what he will need to beat this. All the best.

X Close Editor

Rating

Submitted by: Anonymous

Title

Comment
Leslie, I am so sorry you have to go through this as I am 24 years old and I have a very similar issue. I can see the disappointment in my mothers eyes when she knows "something isn't right" and she always knows, every time. It makes me feel terrible letting her down, she has always been there for me and has truly been an amazing parent, working her ass off and getting her college degree as I was young. She deserves better, and I know you do too. I have recently turned a corner and am on my way to recovery myself. My advice, try not to resent him, and TALK to him. Not just about how disappointed you are or how much of his life he is wasting but be supportive. Tell him he needs to get help and I agree with the long term rehabilitation option. Kicking him out is like playing russian roulette with your child, he may hit rock bottom and come back begging for you to help him OR he may get himself into something neither he nor you can get him out of. One thing is definitive, you must stop enabling him in any way. You should definitely go to a na-anon meeting. It is meetings for families of addicts and it has seriously helped my parents when my older brother had the same issue years back. It is extremely therapeutic knowing you aren't alone in your feelings and they will teach you healthy ways of dealing with this that WILL HELP HIM GET CLEAN. And it will help you more then you can imagine, my parents tell me how truly helpful this was to them. GO WITH LONG TERM REHAB, AT LEAST A YEAR. THREATEN TO KICK HIM OUT IF HE REFUSES AND DO IT, IT MAY BE THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE HIS LIFE. He needs knowledge, he needs to learn what its like to be sober because he will love it, remember that he is lonely and he is lost, he needs guidance, only rehab can give him the tools and knowledge he needs to get past this. I wish you all the strength and courage to do what is right. He is still young and you CAN save him, he CAN turn this around if you act promptly. Give him the opportunity to do this by sending him to rehab. He will be stubborn and scared, he will be upset with you, but he will thank you for saving his life in the long run. He will gain a vast knowledge of addiction and of himself and this is what he will need to beat this. All the best.

Cancel Delete Delete & Ban

throbber Updating Comments page...

Rating

Response from an addict.
by: Brad Jackson

There is nothing that you can do for your son until he hits his bottom. I am 20 years old and a heroin addict. I have been clean now for roughly six months, and it took a very heavy hit for me to want to change. Kicking him out may not be the absolute best approach to the issue, try to send him to a long term rehab center first. When I left my dad's house I lived with a dealer for a couple months and overdosed multiple times. Its only by the grace of God that I am still alive. I highly recommend that you check out an al-anon meeting in your area. He is fighting a progressive disease, that will ultimately end in death, jail, or institutions. Opiates have a way of driving you insane. Try to set harsh curfews, such as taking his house keys, and if he isn't home by a preset time, lock him out. Pull him from your car insurance and tell him if he leaves in your car you will report it stolen, cut out any cash flow, etc... I hope this helps, Brad

Rating

Strong Drug and A stronger parent
by: Anonymous

Your doing the right thing by talking about it, doesn't do you nor him any good by letting resentment, fear, and sadness bottle you down. I was addicted to oxycontin for a long time. Went through a 12 step program and then started helping others get off it.

It's a tough situation, the best thing for you to do is to continue talking about it and get other people experience whom have gone through the same thing.

If I could offer a suggestion. I stumble upon a great support site that will actually help you build your support group by suggesting other members who have or are going through a similar situation. Go to http://ixaddict.com and create an account. I'm a member and really happy with it, I look forward to getting the great strength other members have to offer.

Nancy

Rating

Thanks for your responses
by: Anonymous

These comments really help and I appreciate you taking time to write me. I am trying to get the strength to do what everyone tells me to do. This does help me though. So thank you.

Rating

Oxycontin is serious business
by: Matt Brindisi

The title of this blog grabber my attention. Reason being is my brother died at 19 back in 01 due to Oxycontin overdose. I was crushed for many years and began to use heavily to cover up my feelings. Thank God he brought me out of it and has begun to use not only my father who started http://www.dammadd.org but has used me to start a small treatment center in Delray Beach, Florida. http://www.transformationstreatment.com
For God I am forever grateful and when I work, I work unto Him and with a passion to really help those from going through what I went through almost 9 years ago. God Bless

Matt

Rating

Tough Love is the Way to Go
by: C-P

Lesley, I also think it's time to use the tough love approach. You've done everything you can, and your son needs to realise you won't stand for his behavior anymore. If he wants to continue being a drug addict - it's not going to be in your house or on your time anymore. It's time he reaps the consequences of his drug addiction, and for you to begin your own healing. It's time to let go, as hard as it is. In the end, it may actually be what saves your son.
Take Care